Ta-Da!

There they are... Little soldiers, almost ready for deployment to herald lil' Bro's wedding. I am so proud of how these have turned out! Really stretched myself and got right in there, with almost no fear!

Message in a bottle wedding invitations - Sa-Weet!

Bucket List Item #16: Own something Mac...

Image via CrunchBase

As a PC, I am loathe to admit that there is something I want that is produced by Apple. I love the commercials. The geeky dude in the outdated corduroy jacket and glasses side by side with the chic new kid in the skinny jeans... Brilliant! Makes me feel old just thinking about it. But truly, I stick by my convictions that Mac isn't all that and a bag of chips - Mostly...

I do want to get an iPhone. Shhhhh! Don't laugh so loud! I know you think that once I experience the cute little thing I will be forever swayed to the "other side"... Not likely! I will not be hypnotized by Steve Jobs..... I just want that coolio phone! I have a Blackberry now and I am loving it. But that iPhone - It stalks my dreams.

What is stopping me? The carrier exclusiveness, that's what! Another incredibly annoying thing about Apple is that they are such snobs! They refuse to deal in the real world and play well with others. I hate that! I wish we could all just get along... If Verizon ever gets the iPhone I will move heaven and earth to try it out. Until then, I will just covet Bro's phone. Being the super-cyber-geek that he is he has one all jail-broke to work with his carrier. I am jealous. He simply giggles at me every time I ask to play with it... Snot!

I want an iPhone.

Bucket List Item #15: Go Camping

Yes, I have been camping. No, not in this century and not since I was about 10 years old. I want to try that one more time. I have a few stipulations, though, and that is why I am certain this Item will stay right here on the list.

I have this memory of camping that only children have. I don't remember sleeping on the ground, all lumpy and bumpy with rocks under the tent liner. I don't remember disastrous food prep. I don't remember being horrified at having to pee outside, and other unmentionables, although I do remember the fact that I still cannot pee without somehow getting it on my feet - EEEEEEEWWWW!

I have romanticized this camping phenomenon. I think that I want to do it one more time before I hit that great beyond, but then I start thinking about what that entails. Setting up a tent. Boiling water. Sleeping (or not) on the ground. Cooking over a campfire. Being overly aware of how much I might look like a snack for some unknown beast just beyond the light of the campfire. Oh, yes - the campfire! I have to figure that one out too!

You see why this item may just leave itself right here on the list? Can you see the Queen of Everything squatting in the woods trying not to pee on her stilettos? I think not! But if I am anything, I am stubborn...

I want to go camping, one more time... I think... Maybe... OK, how about camping in my backyard where I can come inside when I can't sleep?

Image via Wikipedia

Bucket List Item #14: Be homeless

"Is she nuts?" "Who would want that?????" "Seriously! Time to rethink my following list."

I can hear you... And I understand. I am often taken for seriously warped on this. Hubby rolls his eyes and pretty much says, "Not on your life!"

(Is she going to clarify?)

Why yes, I am!

I would like, in my old age, to be one of those horrifically green-house gas emitting huge motor home driving geezers who show up without calling because, hey! We have our own room! I want to drive around the states, visiting family, and seeing sights that we couldn't ever see while Hubby had his business and we had 30+ horses to take care of. I want to have a "house" that I can keep neat and tidy, mostly because I have to or we will suffer concussions due to Hubby's propensity for imitating Mario Andretti behind the wheel. I want to be able to see and do things on the fly, making decisions based on if our ride slash house can make that corner. I want to have a lap dog because they fit in the bus easier and are not likely to be stepped on by a horse or eaten by a coyote.

I want to be homeless.

Bucket List Item #13: Sell a business for profit (what exactly is "profit?")

Image via CrunchBase

Yeah. Entrepreneur. Up until about 3 years ago, that word had all kinds of incredibly wonderful connotations for me. I thought Entrepreneurs were these wildly inventive individuals like the dude who runs Virgin... I figured they were globe trotters with worldly experience who knew all and were undeniably intelligent and never, ever ran their businesses in the red.

Then someone called me an Entrepreneur! Who me? Surely not... I am not a globe trotter. I am located somewhere right of the "world". And that whole red thing - Well, let's just say I do business in crimson colored glasses!

I would like, as a Bucket List Item, to somehow, someday be able to sell one of the many businesses I run own for a profit. Now that would be a new thing! Of course, so would running a business that was profitable!

Fact is, I run three businesses and none of them is at a profit. One makes a little money but barely keeps it's head above water, one is my therapy, and one is hubby's dream job. All in all, I keep the hoola-hoops in motion, but nothing ever seems to be the seamless, smooth venture I pictured an entrepreneur would be in charge of. It feels very much like hoola-hooping with about 5 hoops going at all times, if not more! With all that activity, I should not be terrified at the thought of a swimsuit!

I can't complain too much. We have enough to pay the bills and I do drive a new car. We don't have bill collectors calling and we have food in the pantry. I guess I need to adjust my expectations...

I would like to sell a business for profit.

Pretty Darned Cool!

Thanks, Ali! Don't know how I can possibly pass this on... But I wanted to say thank you so very much for being mentioned on your blog! You so rock - Even in Georgia (so far from Colorado)!

Bucket List Item #12: Hold Grandchildren

Incredibly badly shot smiley... Don't care!

yeah... Ok. So I am in complete denial about how this one will have to come about, but that is another matter.

I wanna be a grammie! I would love to be that Grandparent that gets to hold, cuddle, love, fill with vast amounts of sugar and chocolate, and then send the little boogers back home to Mom and Dad... All the fun, none of the headache. Well, almost none.... I think we know my control freaky-ness would be heartily challenged at not interfering!

I want to hold my grandchildren. (Until they stink... Then I want to give them back!)

Please forgive me...

I am sorry... I cannot write right now. Jewel is ailing and not doing well. And in this day and age of so much goings on in my life, I cannot seem to grasp life without my dog. I cannot put words together to describe how heartbroken I am. I have had Jewel longer than I have had kids.

I will be back. But for now, please just pray that her passing is quiet and peaceful. And please send my kids the prayers they need to get past this awful life-hurdle as well... Boy is very distraught. Girl more pragmatic, but I know it hits her deep as well. This furry family member has been with them all their lives.

Thank you.

Bucket List Item #11: See my kids find the love of their lives

I have been attending quite a few weddings in the last years. I have another one I am "taking for the team" while Hubby is away over the hill working and showing horses just this coming weekend. I don't mind all that much. I kind of like weddings. I cry almost every time. Sentimental, yes. I don't care. As we all know, my emotions are often sitting right there on my sleeve and I seldom apologize for it.

It is this time that makes me rather reflective. I said, just recently, to Hubby that I was realizing that we were no longer attending weddings of our friends, but of our friends' children. Of course, I started realizing that that meant that our kids are gaining speed into adulthood. A frightening prospect...

I think about how I was as a young adult and it scares the tar outta me! I want to save my kids from so many mistakes I made. And yet, I know that this is not possible. Just not possible. I can advise, I can pray, but I cannot take their place in the real world with all its real world people.

On that note, I have begun to pray again for each of my offspring to find that one true love. That one mate that just makes them complete. I look at Hubby and I realize that I did that part right. Not necessarily because I chose it. I was a little stubborn on that note. The fact that we are together makes it very apparent that God will have his way, irregardless of my desires to flit about and "date"... But he does complete me. He is the rational to my irrational thought. He is the calm to my storm. He is the forgiveness to my Grudgy Greta. He is humble against my Queen of Everything.

Marriage is hard. I have found it very satisfying, but it is excruciatingly difficult. I pray that my children will find the person that completes them in ways that only God could design. I pray that I can help guide them into a relationship that will weather the most difficult times as well as the most joyful. I want them to have partners that not only love them, but respect them, cherish them, find them unfailingly indispensable. I want them to find spouses that will stick it out, no matter what.

I want to see my kids find true, lasting, heart rending love.

Bucket List Item #10: Truly know peace...

Cell phones, Internet, computers, answering machines, television, mp3 players... With all the noise in constancy around us, it is a wonder we don't all end up in the looney bin more often than we do!

This morning I am sitting in the bask of sunlight at the kitchen table. There is the swish and tumble of the laundry room going (always seem to have laundry to do), but the rest of the house is quiet... Except for my tapping on the keyboard.

I love this time of morning... Before anyone is up and demanding anything from me. Time for me to gather my thoughts for the day, pick a path to walk, determine my attitudes. I long for the feeling I get from this portion of my day to last just a little longer.

I struggle with knowing peace. I am a whirligig of mental activity at almost all times. As I have gotten older, I have more and more difficulty shutting down that part of my mind that races over each problem or scenario I am dealing with on a daily basis. To the point that I cannot sleep, or I wake with the issues spinning me into a state of utter panic. I cannot do that anymore!

As a Bucket List item, this one truly eludes me. How does one know peace? I am a Christian. Of course, all you Christians out there know this means nothing more than I know I need a saviour and that I am a desperately flawed individual. I know, however, in my heart of hearts that God has it handled. Why on earth can I not trust that fact and sleep at night?

Because in this uncertain world, it is terribly hard to realize that all of it is out of my control. I budget, I plan, I cultivate, I pray, I work hard, then harder still... Despite all of it, my will is not the will I seek to please. I seek to please another will and therein lies the rub. If I seek to please my Lord, I have to trust Him with the outcome. So at the crux of the matter, I don't trust well.

I could over analyze this to the end of time. I don't trust because... But really, it boils down to I want control. I want to know the answers and the paths before I am on them or in them and I want to know how it will all turn out - for me! Reality hits... I am not the one that gets to have the control and trying only makes me the un-peaceful person that I have settled into.

I have and will continue to try to eradicate this attitude, but before I die, I want to truly know peace. I want to sit quietly before my God and have that wonderful peace wash over me and cuddle me in folds of downy softness. To know the peace a child knows when they crawl into the lap of their father and lay their head on his chest. I want it to be that pure, that trusting, that simple.

I want to truly know peace.

Bucket List Item #9: Give it all away...

There are a few things in my life that give me a kind of gleeful pleasure that cannot be topped. The birth of my children (after the screaming and cursing), my marriage to Hubby (again, after the screaming and cursing... And then during the screaming and the cursing), and doing something anonymously for someone who needs it.

There have not been many times I have been able to do this. But I do have vague recollections... I will not divulge what I have done under cover of darkness (using my Queenly powers for good, not evil, this time) because I truly feel the blessing is in the anonymity. I know. God knows. That is all that is necessary...

I hope that someday, again, I will have the opportunity and the resources to give someone something they desperately need. Whether it is time, money, furniture, something that just blesses them, I want to sit in the wings and smile quietly. I want to know that I have impact. That I can do things that they didn't have the availability to do themselves. I want to know I helped and yet, I don't need the baggage of recognition.

Lest you think me fake and altruistic in ways that just are not in my princess nature, I like recognition. I do, A LOT! But there are just times when Grudgey Greta and The Queen of Everything take a backseat to Trudy True-Blue. (I tried to tell you she was a gem!) That chick has some ninja moves of her own that just flatten the other two with her sunshine and bliss. Yes, there are times I surprise even me!

I want to give away something big - anonymously.

Bucket List Item #8: Own a pair of Monolo Blahnik's

I think we all know I have an obsession. A shoe obsession. And if they are purple... Fah-get-abowt-it! I'm all over it!

Someday, I hope to achieve greatness in the land of shoes... I want to own a pair of Monolo Blahnik shoes. Now, they may not even be available in my little corner of the world. But I will not let that stop me. I will search far and wide and hope that I can somehow order a pair without trying them on... Probably not smart.

Ok, so maybe I need to make a trip somewhere... New York? Nah, too big and very scary (remember, I don't travel well). Rodeo Drive? Possible... I would stick out like a sore thumb... But who cares! If I was on a mission to get these wonderful shoes I would be less likely to give a crap about what I looked like getting them.

I want a pair of Monolo Blahnik's.

Post 100... wow...

It wasn't like I didn't know it was going to get here. I did. I hoped it would get here. I just didn't know it would feel like this. It feels very sudden. It isn't really. Just snuck up on me while I was having so much fun...

And I am. Having fun, that is.

I have fallen into this blogosphere and made myself right at home. It has awakened in me a passion for writing that I haven't had for years. I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I can only hope that the few that log in and read what I have to say are mildly entertained.

That isn't why I started this here bloggity blog. I started because I couldn't keep my big cyber-stalking nose to myself and I kept logging into certain Face Book pages that were really none of my business! I would not only cyber-spy, I would wind myself all up about it and dream up things to be worried about, offended about and generally upset about. Silly, right? That a grown woman can't keep herself from getting sick at her stomach over a silly website... Well, I can't. So I decided, for my own mental health, to shut down my FB account and started up this blog. I started by wanting to just keep family and friends informed.

It has blossomed into so much more.

I love it. It is a release for me. All those things that run around in my head end up on these "pages" give me a satisfaction that I cannot explain. Here I can just be.

Thanks to all those who have encouraged me to continue on. You know who you are. I thank you. Your kind words and support mean a lot. See you on the other side! Post #101 coming right up!

Bucket List Item #7: Vacation, anyone?

Cover via Amazon

First, let me say... I love my family. I adore my Hubby and think that he is absolutely the best person ever, and always the best companion for just about anything (shopping is a definite no-no). My kids are wonderfully smart and amazingly innovative. They travel very well and always have. Face it, when you live in the country like we do, they really didn't have a choice. They know how to pack a small bag to keep themselves entertained for almost any kind of trip...

That said, I would love to have a vacation by myself.

I read a book once, written by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, called Gift from the Sea. Amazing book! It likened periods in our lives to various sea shells... Ok, so it's a bit odd to talk about it, but really a very good read. My copy is a bit water logged as I read it in the bath and that is where I keep the volume now. About as close to the sea as my land locked body gets these days. But I digress....

In the book Mrs. Lindbergh talked extensively about taking yearly vacations by herself! I was so floored! She had children... A husband... She was a professional writer... There were responsibilities... And yet, she took a week (maybe two) out for just her. She wrote, walked on the beach, gathered shells, ate when she pleased (if she pleased) and she did nothing. NOTHING! Can you even imagine?

Obviously, I cannot. But I would like to try!

I want to take a vaction alone.

Bucket List Item #6: Return to Jamaica, mon!

Image by Denver Pam via Flickr

Crystal clear water, white sandy beaches, the colors that almost knock you over and food that makes you want to burst for eating so much of it....

Hubby and I honeymooned in Ja. I absolutely looooved it! The beach and the hotel and the people and the most incredible food and drink! Not to mention it was our honeymoon... C'mon, mon! It was stellar in a way that I cannot ever hope to duplicate.

But I would like to revisit Jamaica on older legs with more appreciation for the details, more love of life and what I can take out of just sitting with Hubby in a place that holds such amazing memories for us.

When we first went on our honeymoon, we forgot the camera. Let's face it, there were other things on our minds... (blushes slightly) I would not make that mistake again! Even though I have to take the sad, sad P&S Canon... I would have some pictures of our time there! Irregardless of the fact that I should never be photographed in a bathing suit... EVER!

I want to go back to Jamaica.

Bucket List Item #5: Ride again...

Softness and strength. Leviathans with the most gentle touch of their nose. Quiet wisdom in a body built for flight.

I am waiting. The one time I have patience, instilled by divine means, to wait on God's most amazing timing. I am waiting. Waiting for the next stunning beauty to enter my life on powerful hooves.

I would love to own another horse.

There. I said it. Almost out loud. This is a painful item. I have to admit, I want it. I want to ride again on the back of a best friend. One that needs nothing from me except love, food and my attention. One that needs no words except the soft mutterings of my soul. A friend that lifts me with no baggage, no agenda, no conscious reciprocation.

I had that once. On a certain level, I still do. I have a horse that has been retired, living in our pasture to his last days. He was a rescue case that stole my heart. I love him with a part of me that rarely sees the light of day. He is not ride-able anymore. He gave me everything he had. All of him. His love, his trust (which was very hard-fought), his body. I can give him the rest of his days with a small band of ladies to keep him company and stroke his ego.

I do miss riding him. I miss the connection that only horses provide. If you have never had a horse of your own this is not a connection possible with one of those trail rides you pay for on your camping trip. It goes deeper. It sits in your soul and takes up valuable real estate in your heart. When it begs to be set free, it tears at you.

I love him so much I cannot talk about it as deeply as I feel it. It brings a flood of emotion that some just cannot grasp. I am lucky though, I have a few friends in my midst that truly get it. They understand that my voice catches and I cannot finish my sentences. They too have experienced the loss of an incredible friend.

And even though that loss cuts deeply into my heart, I want to do it again. I want to experience again that satisfaction, that peace, that simplicity that mirrors the majesty of God.

I want to ride again.

Bucket List Item #4: Be Debt Free

Image via Wikipedia

(Rolls eyes...)

I want this one. This is one I really want to see. I have a goal and I am working toward it, but it is about as realistic to me as spotting the Loch Ness Monster or Big Foot.

In this culture and economic clime, this may be more of a pipe dream than ever before, but then so is seeing all the places in my last post.

I would like to spend at least one year with no debt to drag us down. To be able to make decisions based on what is in the bank account rather than what is not in the bank account. You know, like, "Do we eat or pay the mortgage?"

Now, since we do pay over $7K in mortgages per month, this is a very big "Bucket" to try to fill. We shall see.

What would life look like with no debt? Hopefully much more peaceful, a bit cleaner, well traveled, controlled... A myth really!

Bucket list item #3: Travel to far away places

(OK, this may never happen...)

There are some places in this grand world that I would dearly love to see. I think. Except for that travel thing. That thing that makes me get on planes and go places I don't know and be in places I don't speak the right language... That flat out terrifies me. But maybe, just maybe, I will overcome those fears to see these locales.

I want to see:

• England

  Image by Jonathan Taglione via Flickr

• France
• Austria
• Germany
• Scotland
• Ireland
• Greece
• Israel
• Egypt
• Australia
• Italy
• Spain
• China

Kind of hilarious how fast that list grew from three places in my blog notebook to so many once I got started!

I am not a world traveler. In fact, I have a hard time traveling within my own country. I am, at heart, a big chicken for not getting out of my comfy zone and stretching my legs. I read about how so many bloggers travel so often and some even to Blog Camp (still pondering the bravery of that venture...) to meet so many wonderful and random folks. I think to myself how fascinating that would be, to travel like Julochka and be so nonchalant about it.

I myself am more the sweaty palmed traveler. I can be excited about a trip, but I still have all that anxiety leading up to it. I wonder what might go wrong, if I took a wrong turn (I do most of my traveling by car), how will I know where the "bad" neighborhoods are? And then I start into the international thingy.... Forget it! I am now balled up on the bathroom floor and sweating profusely!

Hubby? Well, he is adventurous at heart! He spend seven months in Italy (being all linguistically challenged didn't seem to bother him a bit) and even had a trek into Austria and Germany for a few days. He, of course, saw horses on his forays. I would want to see castles and cathedrals and landscape. I know that if I had Hubby on for the ride, I could do it. His demeanor and his calm, mixed in with the fact that he got horrifically lost on the train in Italy, would give me the courage I need to make it a fun adventure and not a decent into the depths of doom.

I would like to travel.

Bucket List Item #2: Hold my neice

(I told you some things would be easily accomplished, some more esoteric...)

This is a list item I fully plan on moving Heaven and Earth to do!

I want to hold my sister's daughter in my arms and coo over her little egg-shaped head (no insult intended, I have just had two kids and their little heads get all squishy...) and stick my nose in her neck and drink in all that luscious baby smell. I want to hold her on the couch until she falls asleep and becomes that little wad of baby on my chest.

I want to celebrate the long awaited arrival with my sister who was never really sure she would have children in the first place. This baby has been a hard fought battle for Sis and I want to jump for joy and shout to the heavens how wonderful God is!

I want to hold my niece.

Bucket List Item #1: See my kids succeed

OK. So this post is going to be a fairly general and goooshy post. So sue me! It's my blog and I'll embarrass myself as I see fit.

I want to see both of my kids succeed.

Let's clarify what I think that means...

I have Girl and I have Boy. They are very bright and wonderful children with amazing talents and very different personalities. They were born 19 months apart and have grown up each other's best playmates. It was not without challenges and some lectures on "you two are all you have!" But that is for another post...

For Girl I would love to see her be able to choose a career field that absolutely feeds her soul. That looks like success in its most material form, but I don't mean it that way at all. I want to see her do what she wants, like her daddy has, so that her amazing talents can feed her in ways that this broken world never will. She's my artist. She is the one who is unfailingly pragmatic and realistic and would more likely choose a field of work that would be responsible and make money. I want better for her. I want her to not waste years trying to fit into a mould that isn't hers. I want to see her succeed for her. To live in her shoes, not someone else's. I will do what I can to make sure she continues to write, continues to draw, continues to hone her crafts...

For Boy, I want to see him plug in! I have this fear that Boy will be my child that struggles against the grain for the rest of his life. I am proud he is a free-thinker, but I also understand that finessing that trait is all about gradients. (Is that even remotely grammatically correct? Eh!) I love that he is funny, wildly talented, incredibly linear in his thinking and very artsy as well. He is also the child that is most like me. He is impatient, stubborn, hot tempered... Yes, Grudgy Greta was in full swing when my son was percolating in the womb. I want him to keep his incredible sense of right and wrong, I want him to be an out-of-the-box-thinker and remain as innovative has he is right now. I also want him to be so very aware of how to make it in a world that often poses such threats to our dreams. I want him to be a dream seeker with tenacity and verve. I want to see him succeed.

So here is the first Bucket List post. I will post others, some not so ethereal... (Good Gracious, let's hope not!) See you tomorrow!

New Projects Rock!

Image via Wikipedia

I love to write. I love that my daughter loves to write. I am so blessed to be afforded the time to write. Therefore, blogging has just fit into my life like an old pair of sneakers (definitely not ones used in exercise, though).

It has been years since I have been this prolific in my writing. Sad, really. But I am back in the swing and calling it a type of therapy. I don't aspire to write professionally, though Hubby thinks I might be good at that, I just enjoy it as a pastime and hobby.

I want to thank Julochka, Spud and Extranjera for being such amazing writers to inspire and model and hopefully not scare the daylights out of...

I am starting a new project for myself. Since I have not been in the blog culture for very long, I don't have any idea if it has been "done", but frankly - I don't care. That is part of what makes the Blogosphere such a wonderful place. I can do what I want (within reason) and no one cares. If they want to read, they do, and if not - no worries. I am doing this for me and to inspire my daughter. I am going to start a Bucket List.

I am sure you know what I am talking about. That list you make (like in the movie) of things you want to do before you kick the bucket, die, go belly up... Ideally, these are things you can actually do before you buy the farm. But some are things I can only hope someday to get close to.

A quick aside: Thanks to the small list of readers I have acquired. I can only hope I don't bore you to tears or scare you running down the street away from your computer screens! Those secrets were pretty scary! Thanks for sticking with me!

Secret # 30 - PC Gal

Image via Wikipedia

That's right. I'm a PC. In my silly, outdated corduroy jacket and my spectacles. I don't care. Because at the very heart of it, I am also very cheap frugal.

I can't stand spending more money when I can get a very comparable machine for much less moooolah. And actually, I figure I can get so much more for what I drop on a PC than I can with a Mac.

Now, I am a brand-y kind of girl. Got turned on to Dell a while back, and have not regretted one time the purchases I have made with that company. They have been stellar at fixing my issues, when I have them, and they have an option that entails getting to speak to someone here on my side of the pond when things go wonky. I really like that feature. There is nothing more frustrating than having an issue of any kind and not being able to understand the person who is supposed to be helping you. It makes me I'm-going-postal-kind-of-crazy.

Lest you think me completely ignorant, I do covet one thing that Steve Jobs has promoted and that is the iPhone. ooooooh - Waaaaaaant! But I digress... (Straightens corduroy jacket, pushes glasses up, fiddles with tie...)

I am not enthralled with Macs. I think that they are cool. They have some neat colors. (I haven't looked to see if there is a purple model - I dare not...) I can't bear the thought of spending two times the amount for half the machine... I just can't. I know... My Bro thinks I am absolutely outdated and very unhip. He is, of course, correct. No doubt. I am also stubborn. (Shocker!)

So in this ultra cool bloggy world, I will be an outcast with my P&S Canon and my Dell PC. I'm ok with that. (Pushes glasses back onto nose with a sniff...) I can only hope that someday I will surpass the assumptions of the Mac-a-philes toward us PC users.

I will consider it my job as an abassador of peace... Can't we all just get along?

* * *

And that, my friends, is the end of my 30 Secrets in 30 days. Thanks Spudballoo. I couldn't do it justice in the way you did. I had fun, though. I learned some things about myself... I am sure you all know way too much about me now as well! I only hope I kept you reading.

On to a new project and some wonderfully random thoughts...

The breeze is blowing...

So simple. The softest breeze blowing through the open windows carrying the sweet scent of cut grass. A glass of vino by my side and wireless on the couch.

It is absolutely perfect. Well, almost. Hubby is at an association meeting. It would be perfect if he were here with me and I had closed my computer and curled up on the couch with him. With Georgia on My Mind playing in the background....

Hmmmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmmmmm.....

The house is clean (thanks, Jodes), the kiddies are snoozing, and I am ready for sleepy time.

Last secret tomorrow. I am ready for a new project. Let's see how it all goes.

God Bless ~

Secret #29 - Point and Shoot (Gasp!)

To those photogs that are so splendid, know that I love you. Know that I covet your cameras. Your D60's and D90's. Your Nikons and yes, even your Canons. I want a new camera. Desperately.

Never gunna happen...

Hubby looks dubiously at me when I sigh over a new camera. He knows. And yet, he does not succumb to my desire to have clearer, crisper images. To be able to almost reach out and touch the image through the screen - He cannot fathom. He does not understand that the grainy images produced by our little Canon Power Shot, now completely obsolete as we have had it for over 7 years, and my BlackBerry camera don't even come close to what I wish to convey...

I search Craigslist and Ebay... I look online for sales to no avail. The cameras that have caught my eye and that I hear bantered about this blogosphere are just out of my price point all together. And the fact that I would use it primarily for blogging... Well, it goes without saying that Hubby just cannot make it compute.

I understand... But I still want one. Badly. Sad little Canon, you will have to do...

Thunderheads and Blessings

Sometimes God gives you a blessing you didn't know was coming. Sometimes it is in the beauty of a thunderhead in the distance.

Sometimes it is in the smallest detail of a flower's center.

Sometimes it is in dinner with a friendly couple.

I have so much to be thankful for and so much to be in awe of around me.

"My mercies are new each morning," and I am so glad they are.

Secret #28 - Backseat Bartender

You may have gathered from previous posts I have a thing for Vodka. I love a good martini. I love a simple mixed drink. I can handle a nice liqueur on occasion. (Read: I am generally a "libation lech")

We have a wonderful martini bar in town that is my favorite place to go on a night out with Hubby, friends, gal-pals... I love to go and sample from the vast menu of exotic and exclusive concoctions.

I also love to try my hand at the bar (in my own home, of course). My very best girl friend has a Hubby that is a bartender. He is also a superintendent at a golf course. I think that once you get mixology into your blood, it never really goes away. He is the most awesome dude at making something that you might like... Just give him a taste preference and a little direction and, viola! He will mix up something that just may do the trick...

I aspire to such greatness.

Each year, Hubby and I honor our loyal clients with a Christmas party. I try to find a drink for the ladies to try that evening. Usually we have a martini that is red in color. Cosmopolitans, Pomatinis and variations of those. At various gatherings we put together, either last minute or invitationals, I am known for making up something yummy to drink. I truly enjoy making up drinks.

I am a backseat bartender... I love to try my hand and see how close I come. I enjoy it.

Until the next morning. I don't enjoy that... Along with my stock in Benadryl, maybe I should buy stock in Advil.

Can I get you a drink?

Secret #27 - Do you think she has a problem...

Image by Cayusa via Flickr

Once a year, in a good year, we go to Las Vegas. We get a room at the oldie but goody hotel and I try to plan at least one night away from the tables to have dinner and maybe see a show. The rest of the time, as a dutiful wife, I spend at the poker tables with Hubby.

You would think after so many years together, we might have had some things of each other's rub off on us. Hubby is a fair poker player. He isn't one to have enough time to hone this into any kind of career, and I shudder to think that he might ever try. But he holds his own. He can play all day on $100. In Vegas, that is pretty cool! And it is useful. Mostly, because I am terrible.

I have a gambling problem. That is to say, I am a terrible gambler! Not that I jump up and scream when I have a good hand... I know the basics people! I just suck at playing odds! I cannot read the board, as those seasoned gamblers would say, so I often end up losing because I think I have something and I get soundly, roundly beat...

Why play at all then, you might ask? Because Hubby loves it so very much and I know he would be disappointed if we spent our time together, rare as it is without kids, separated and in different parts of the casino. I play very conservatively and just try to stay alive for the time that Hubby is playing so that I can eat lunch/dinner with a refreshed and rejuvenated husband, so happy in this element. Besides, the spas in Vegas are astronomically expensive!!!! What I would spend on a day at the spa would fuel Hubby's trip for 5 days! I just can't seem to justify that...

So, yes - I gamble. Yes, I have a gambling problem.... I absolutely suck at playing poker! That's the problem!

Secret # 26 - Ahhhhchooooo!

Image via Wikipedia

Excuse me! Whew! Hold on.... I feel another sneeze coming on...

(A brief aside for those who don't know me personally: I live on a horse ranch. I am married to a horse trainer. I spend a lot of my time in a barn filled with horses and hay and dust. I walk amid fields of waist tall grass to get to my home. I truly love my life!)

I am allergic. Allergic to dust, grass, alfalfa and horses (on occasion). All things I am exposed to on a regular basis. Daily, as a matter of a fact.

When you see me with my swollen eyes and my stuffy sounding voice, know that I married for love. Deep, uncontrollable, inexplicable love.

Pardon... I need to take this little white pill. It seems to help. Most of the time.

I cannot even be in the barn when they feed the horses. I am that allergic to hay. If I sit in the dust too long, I will have an asthma attack to beat all. I have to be very careful about touching those beautiful horses during their sheds... Otherwise, like the response to hay or alfalfa, I will be covered with little red welts.

What was I thinking you ask? I wasn't. I was in love. I figured I would just buy Benadryl in bulk and hope that I "grew out of it." I did not. I grew into it, actually. Found I was allergic to even more, but I digress...

I do love my life, and if that means that I take an allergy pill to truly enjoy it - so be it. I'm ok with that.

Ahhhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhhh....

Secret #25 - Procrastinatrix

Hold on... I have this thing I am doing. I will be right with you... Oh, it has to be done right now? Ok... Almost there -

That's me. I wait until the last minute. A lot. I seem to just work in a constant state of urgency. I believe there is a philosopher (or maybe just a self-help guru) that once coined the phrase "tyranny of the urgent". I live there. In urgent land. Hiding behind the doorway, gleening just one last minute before you absolutely have to have that thing you have been waiting on - that thing I have been promising you.

It isn't always a room with a view. In fact, I don't like this part of my personality at all. I would rather be that person that has it all together, organized and ready to move at a moment's notice. Um, no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks! I am just not that chick, no matter how I try.

Now, I could try to tell you that I am just so busy with all three biz's that I just run out of time. Some of that might be true and legit. The fact is, however, that I have been this way from the time I began managing any kind of schedule I might have. Just the facts. I cannot deny the truth.

I am a procrastinator. Or maybe I have a syndrome. I could research that on the web. Tomorrow. Or maybe Friday, I have appointments tomorrow...

Secret #24 - Movies have rules

Call me a control freak. I don't mind. Really, it's true. I cannot stand certain things in my life. I excise them as quickly as a surgeon with a nasty tumor to extract. I don't put up with liars, I can't handle drama, if it doesn't fit now, it never will... And I don't watch movies that tend to jerk me around emotionally.

You know the ones. The ones that have you crying in the credits before you even know the plot of the movie (thanks Dreamer), ones that depict violence against animals (Braveheart with the horses and the pikes comes to mind...), awfulness aimed at kids (Sean Penn did one on this.... Mystic River, I think - Didn't watch it)... I just like my movies to be entertaining!

I love a good rom-com. Predictable, sure! But I don't have to worry about ruining my makeup or lack thereof with a surprise cry. I don't mind a seriously suspenseful thriller. I actually enjoy them, as a matter of a fact. And crime thrillers are even better. I once completely confused Hubby with my ability to rant at how incredibly gory and offensive I found Braveheart just before sitting down to watch Seven with Brad Pitt (no, don't read anything into old Braddy-Poo... ok, maybe a little). I wasn't upset by that at all. It was absolutely unbelievable violence that just didn't settle into my mind. (Read: too gory to compute)

My children know I don't watch movies with animals in them. Dreamer was a result of much begging and the guilt trip over Family Night being skipped because Mom wouldn't watch the movie. There was also popcorn. I love popcorn. It took much raucous laughter to bring me into the room while the kids and Hubby watched Hotel for Dogs, and when it got rough, I left. Call me a pansy. Call me silly. I don't really care. I find folks who (in real life) abuse animals or kids, the most reprehensible wastes of skin on the planet. They are the two life forms that absolutely depend on us to not screw it up! (Michael Vick are you listening?) So, in keeping, I don't watch movies with animals or heart wrenching kid movies.

If you are wondering if this causes me to miss out on some really great movies, I don't know. I won't watch them, so I am completely in the dark on that response. I know that there have been some movies that I did watch because I heard they were critically acclaimed (Read: Crash) and barely got through them because of the Movie Rules being broken right and left. I enjoyed that particular flick as much as you can enjoy a movie like that. I am not really one for the "let's all better ourselves by watching a movie to become more socially aware..." I want to be entertained.

I am more of the Monty Python's Holy Grail, 27 Dresses, When Harry Met Sally, Gone in 60 Seconds type of gal. I love to laugh at a great movie. I love to eat my popcorn without it getting all randomly soggy. Sue me. It's my world, and as the Queen of Everything, I need to inform you that you are just living in it!

(Don't even ask about Hubby's taste in movies... If it was produced before 1952, he ain't watchin' it!)

Secret #23 - I'm a cyber stalker

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Call it what you will - Lurker, computer savvy, cyber stalker... I am just that. All of that. In a very harmless way, I might add. Well, harmless to others - I can drive myself nuts!

If it has an entry on the web, if I want to somehow track someone down, if I think there is any way possible it might be on the net -I can find it. I can think outside the box that way. I can Google with the best of them. For hours. For the same thing. A bit OCD, I admit. But it can be useful!

I once found a high school classmate while getting ready for our 20th year reunion. I was a little distressed to find an entry with her name that said she was a lesbian softball coach in a major university. Not that there's anything wrong with that... (Seinfeld). She wasn't, by the way - A lesbian, that is. She is a doctor... Much more intimidating!

I have tracked down folks that owe us money. I have found folks to send stuff to. And I have closed my Facebook account because it makes it impossible for me to mind my own business!

I try to use my powers for good. Mostly. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes Grudgy Greta gets on the net and wreaks havoc with my sense of forgiveness and pride.

I lurk on a number of blogs. I try to leave comments. Sometimes I just lurk because all I can think to say is wow... I am so outclassed by the scores of other writers out there! But then, this here bloggy thing I do, it was made for me. So.... If I happen to stalk you, lurking there in the bloggy shadows and don't say a word, feel no fear! I am simply admiring your words and hoping one day to put mine down in a way that doesn't send you screaming from your computer...

Secret #22 - I know how to drive the tractor (mostly)

Image via Wikipedia

It's a darned good thing that Hubby doesn't read this here blog. This is a very well kept secret that I have not divulged to anyone on any basis, ever. I don't know why I take this chance that someone might find out that I actually can drive around that silly contraption and actually make me do it.

Here's the one thing that keeps me fairly safe in this, however. I may know how to drive the silly Zetor tractor around, but I cannot ever seem to get it started and I cannot keep those silly levers straight to make the bucket/drag work. I prefer to remain the lovely but useless woman when it comes to the heavy equipment around the ranch. It makes much more sense.

Besides, how many Queens of Everything do you see behind the wheel of the tractor???