Thursday, August 6, 2009

Secret #24 - Movies have rules

Call me a control freak. I don't mind. Really, it's true. I cannot stand certain things in my life. I excise them as quickly as a surgeon with a nasty tumor to extract. I don't put up with liars, I can't handle drama, if it doesn't fit now, it never will... And I don't watch movies that tend to jerk me around emotionally.

You know the ones. The ones that have you crying in the credits before you even know the plot of the movie (thanks Dreamer), ones that depict violence against animals (Braveheart with the horses and the pikes comes to mind...), awfulness aimed at kids (Sean Penn did one on this.... Mystic River, I think - Didn't watch it)... I just like my movies to be entertaining!

I love a good rom-com. Predictable, sure! But I don't have to worry about ruining my makeup or lack thereof with a surprise cry. I don't mind a seriously suspenseful thriller. I actually enjoy them, as a matter of a fact. And crime thrillers are even better. I once completely confused Hubby with my ability to rant at how incredibly gory and offensive I found Braveheart just before sitting down to watch Seven with Brad Pitt (no, don't read anything into old Braddy-Poo... ok, maybe a little). I wasn't upset by that at all. It was absolutely unbelievable violence that just didn't settle into my mind. (Read: too gory to compute)

My children know I don't watch movies with animals in them. Dreamer was a result of much begging and the guilt trip over Family Night being skipped because Mom wouldn't watch the movie. There was also popcorn. I love popcorn. It took much raucous laughter to bring me into the room while the kids and Hubby watched Hotel for Dogs, and when it got rough, I left. Call me a pansy. Call me silly. I don't really care. I find folks who (in real life) abuse animals or kids, the most reprehensible wastes of skin on the planet. They are the two life forms that absolutely depend on us to not screw it up! (Michael Vick are you listening?) So, in keeping, I don't watch movies with animals or heart wrenching kid movies.

If you are wondering if this causes me to miss out on some really great movies, I don't know. I won't watch them, so I am completely in the dark on that response. I know that there have been some movies that I did watch because I heard they were critically acclaimed (Read: Crash) and barely got through them because of the Movie Rules being broken right and left. I enjoyed that particular flick as much as you can enjoy a movie like that. I am not really one for the "let's all better ourselves by watching a movie to become more socially aware..." I want to be entertained.

I am more of the Monty Python's Holy Grail, 27 Dresses, When Harry Met Sally, Gone in 60 Seconds type of gal. I love to laugh at a great movie. I love to eat my popcorn without it getting all randomly soggy. Sue me. It's my world, and as the Queen of Everything, I need to inform you that you are just living in it!

(Don't even ask about Hubby's taste in movies... If it was produced before 1952, he ain't watchin' it!)


  1. You go girl! And what's up with these "animals eat other animals" videos? How sick is that? yomama

  2. Don't even get me started on YouTube crap! I won't watch any of that stuff!


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