I am waiting. The one time I have patience, instilled by divine means, to wait on God's most amazing timing. I am waiting. Waiting for the next stunning beauty to enter my life on powerful hooves.
I would love to own another horse.
There. I said it. Almost out loud. This is a painful item. I have to admit, I want it. I want to ride again on the back of a best friend. One that needs nothing from me except love, food and my attention. One that needs no words except the soft mutterings of my soul. A friend that lifts me with no baggage, no agenda, no conscious reciprocation.
I had that once. On a certain level, I still do. I have a horse that has been retired, living in our pasture to his last days. He was a rescue case that stole my heart. I love him with a part of me that rarely sees the light of day. He is not ride-able anymore. He gave me everything he had. All of him. His love, his trust (which was very hard-fought), his body. I can give him the rest of his days with a small band of ladies to keep him company and stroke his ego.
I do miss riding him. I miss the connection that only horses provide. If you have never had a horse of your own this is not a connection possible with one of those trail rides you pay for on your camping trip. It goes deeper. It sits in your soul and takes up valuable real estate in your heart. When it begs to be set free, it tears at you.
I love him so much I cannot talk about it as deeply as I feel it. It brings a flood of emotion that some just cannot grasp. I am lucky though, I have a few friends in my midst that truly get it. They understand that my voice catches and I cannot finish my sentences. They too have experienced the loss of an incredible friend.
And even though that loss cuts deeply into my heart, I want to do it again. I want to experience again that satisfaction, that peace, that simplicity that mirrors the majesty of God.
I want to ride again.