Symbiosis

There are just certain things in my life that I have come to accept.

• I accept that I suffer from clinical depression at times and that I have chosen to live life without SSRI drugs. I don't think that choice is for everyone, but it is mine to make and I choose not to take the drugs. Makes for some interesting days, but it is the path I choose to walk.
• I accept that I have a terrible time forgiving those who have hurt me, whether real or imagined. I hold awful grudges and I am ugly about it. Can't seem to let go sometimes. God is keeping at me, though... Don't think He will let me carry that too far for very long!
• I accept that I am a messy person. While I love the clean home feel, it just isn't conducive to how I live my life. Life is messy and I don't like to clean it up! Unfortunately, I have passed this phenomenal philosophy on to my children. THAT isn't always a good thing
• I accept that I live a life that will probably always contain some work. Living with livestock is what we choose to do and that is a lot of work. I understand that 65 may come and go and I will still be working to pay the bills. Just hope God allows that to happen for us, instead of the other options.
• I accept that we get one vacation a year, if that, and I am eternally grateful for the time away. I know we may have to put it on a credit card or eat light while we go, but I am so happy Hubby has decided that it is a priority.
• I accept that I am getting older, but I refuse to "act my age!" What the heck is that anyway??? What does 40 act like? Certainly not like my gramma used to act at 40 - Her life might as well have been over. That isn't how it is today... 40 is the new 30, haven't you heard?

Living in symbiosis with my acceptance that this world isn't my true home gives me perspective... On paper. In reality, I struggle - HUGE! I want things to be just (but not justice for me...). I want things to be tidy (if I don't have to tidy it...). So I live like the Spanish Moss on the Live Oak, trying to hang on but not kill my host. Basking in the places where the sun dwells and understanding those shadowy places have their purpose too.