Sunday, July 26, 2009

Secret #13 - Selfish

ok... In light of some things in my life I have to say this one is fairly lame. But for the most part, I tend to be a selfish person. Sort of. In my mind. Because, as we know from being a People Pleaser, selfish doesn't fit very well in the mix.

So, let me explain.

I don't like to share. There it is, another part of my personality that should probably be kept in that closet along with my voluminous shoe collection. I do share. A lot. I don't like it. I tend to seethe about sharing. I can get ugly about sharing, depending on the item I am asked to share. I might as well be a two year old with her teddy bear. Yes, I am that pathetic!

I share Hubby quite a bit. With other women. Don't get all weird on me! I share him to his work, which involves the client, which is on average a 96% share of the female gender. Thus, I share him with women. This I try not to mind as much, as most of these women are absolute gems and some I truly call my friends. Do I like sharing his marvelous-ness? Not really. But I know it as a necessary step in our earning a living. And I do know he does not share his true heart with others... Only me. Besides, these lovely women do know Hubby well enough to know they don't want any more of him than they get. (He can be a bit of a grump...)

I don't like to share my computer. I have a gorgeous Dell laptop with a purple cover that I love. (Yes, I am a PC - No apologies here!) I have gone so far as to give my children my old laptop and purchase a new one so that I didn't have to share my computer! Pathetic - my own children... Really? Yes, sadly true. When Hubby is using my computer I have to leave the room or else I stand over him twitching and wringing my hands in worry. (Aside: Hubby is a terrible tax on the electronic things of the household. He doesn't have good Ju-Ju when it comes to computers, so my fears are somewhat realistic. The root, however, remains the same. I don't even like to share with him!)

Hubby is a share-er. He loves to share. Revels in it. (Hubby is often confusing to me, as well as God's magnificent sense of humor.) Imagine what this does to his un-share-er wife who finds he has lent out her cars, her saddle, her bridles, her horse (this didn't end well...) and all manner of things belonging to her. Hubby is absolutely baffled by my reactions. He simply cannot understand the selfish mind. He sees sharing as a practical solution to a problem he can solve for someone. I see it as, "Mine!" (Sad... I really should stop typing now...)

Selfishness is one of those traits that I believe we were endowed with genetically. I am puzzled as to why... But that doesn't seem to matter to a child with a new toy - or an old toy - or any toy! They simply are not pre-wired to share. It has to be taught, this sharing thing.

I am learning. I do share. I am getting better at it. Sort of. Does it count that I wish I had enough money to buy those who wish to share mine one of their own? Probably not.

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