Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Secret #8 - I was a teenage runaway...

for about a day and a half.

Stupid, really. As most teenage girls figure out, living in the house with two fairly grown women wasn't easy and was often sheer torture. (I am working very hard to keep my daughter grounded and the lines of communication open so that I don't have to live in the hell I put my own mother through.) I decided that since no one understood me in my own home, I would go live with my boyfriend and his family. Idiotic! How freakin' dysfunctional do you have to be to allow some one's kid into your home who is obviously not abused but spoiled beyond belief? I should have been paddled and sent to my room like the 5 year old I was impersonating.

I did smarten up quite a bit when I had spent a weekend at the above home. It was creepy and strange and I didn't want to be with my boyfriend 24/7. But Mom-chick didn't allow us to drive. And I had left my car to sneak out as you cannot run away in secret in a VW bug! Silly bug mufflers!

So we walked.

We walked 7 miles to my house. I thought at the time that I would just drop from exhaustion. Dork! Said boyfriend even piggy backed me for some of the time. Colossal Dork! You would have thought that the blisters on my feet would serve to remind me that I was ill prepared for real life and I should be more grateful for what my home provided.

You would be wrong. I was not that smart.

I arrived home to find my precious VW with a for sale sign on it. I was in absolute shock! How could they have done such a thing??? I was missing after all! And all they could do was think to sell my things??? What a spoiled brat I was. Narcissistic and rude. I stomped into the house, forgetting how shame filled I had been moments before and demanded to know what was going on.

Rear, restored 1967 VW Beetle in Sri Lanka

My parents, infinitely wise beyond my comprehension at the time, simply grounded my butt and told me unless I straightened up the car would indeed be sold. Funny, as mad as I was, I didn't think to leave again until much later.

I thank my mom and dad for their reactions to my fits of spoiled behaviour. It didn't really sink in how selfish I had been until much later in my life, and for that I am sorry. I realized later how much it must have terrified my mother to be sitting at home, not knowing (or worse yet, knowing exactly) where I was and not being able to do anything about it.

As a parent, the worst realization I have had has been to completely understand that my children have wills of their own now. They can and will make choices based on my teachings and based on their desires at the time. That is truly a terrifying prospect, one that stops my heart a little bit. I can only hope that my children were endowed with a better sense of courtesy than I was. I hope that they are inherently kinder than me and I hope that I can keep from going on a murderous rampage should the same situation arise for them. Or maybe a good rampage will be just what they need...

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