Merry, Merry!

I love the push to Christmas.... Sounds kooky, I know, but I love the way things just seem to fall in place as the time draws nigh.

I haven't always been this way. In my (ahem) maturity, however, I have learned to accept the little hiccups and bumps as a part of the memory for that year.

I hope that in your celebrations, whether you host or simply attend, you will join me in relaxing, letting go and truly enjoying the folks you are with (if at all possible)! Remember that this season is about family, friends and the glorious gift of a savior that knows just how imperfect we really are!

Yuuuuuum!

I have never pretended to be a foodie or a wine snob... In fact if I make something with more than three ingredients and it takes more than 30 minutes I have outdone myself!

I buy mid priced wine, usually no more than $15/bottle. Ok, so maybe cheap wine! I have a favorite but I'm also not opposed to trying something new. I admit I'm a sucker for a cool label. Bought a bottle of wine called "Bitch" once... If you have never tried it, don't! TERRIBLE! I couldn't even choke down one glass... So I was dubious when I picked up my next cool labeled vintage.

The back of the bottle reads: "Somewhere near the cool shadows of the laundry room. Past the litter box and between the plastic lawn toys. This is your time. Time to enjoy a moment to yourself. A moment without the madness. The dishes can wait. Dinner be damned. Mad Housewife Cabernet Sauvignon."



Oh yeah! Cool label, nifty cork, it has it all! And surprisingly a decent Cabernet... So here I sit, sipping Mad Housewife, nibbling turkey burgers with the kids and thoroughly enjoying myself with a quick blog post. Dinner be damned indeed!

Hope your Sunday is wine-worthy!

am I really back, or just bluffing again

Yeah... This blogging thing can get to be harder than one originally thought! Not that I don't love it, I do!

I love my blog gal-pals that seems to completely get my sense of humor and my tendency to disappear from time to time..... I love lurking on sites and contemplating posts inspired by their insights and observances. I think bloggers share on a level rivaled by many. It is a freeing space in which you can share the cleaning of a closet with the triumph due military prowess! That's awesome! It is a place you can be free to bitch about all manner of crap. You can wax nostalgic, prognosticate intellectually or simply barf up what's got you pissy... It's yours to decide. And it's wonderful!

Me? Well I've been working on some other projects... Wrote a book, having it self-published (for all the self-important stigma that has with it), and started another project. Have another blog (one I seem to keep up better), that isn't at all like this one... And of course the holidays are descending with a quickness I am very uncomfortable with!

I continue to love the forum and the folks I met here. I will continue on, I am sure. If you want to peek at another side of me, check out thebagladycometh.blogspot.com... It is who I am... On another level altogether, I assure you.

Like my penchant for watching "Survivor" or "Bizzarre foods", try not to judge me too harshly... I still love an excellent cup of coffee and a good glass of wine!

And rest assured - I have stayed away from black hairspray!

Disturbing

For all of you that have any delusions about what it means to listen to your teens and dress up at Halloween, let me just steer you away from one accessory... Black hairspray.

This stuff seems innocuous enough.... Says on the can it washes out with a regular shampooing, and of course it does. It just doesn't tell you how many washes it will take! Now, to be fair, there is a warning regarding those folks with very fair, light blonde hair. But that is where it stops.

In order to help my readers out in case you are delusional and think that you too can be cool at Halloween, I have compiled a list of interesting, and sometimes disgusting, facts about black hairspray.

*The can advises that you not overspray lest you stain certain white/ivory bath mats you may have... They are not kidding!

*One can is not enough to thoroughly blacken modest shoulder length hair, but it is enough to blacken the outside of your ears, the side of your face and the back of your neck!

*Once your hair is dry, one would think you could manipulate it into your chosen Halloweenie type style... oh, you can! Just know you will have to wash your hands - Over and over and over.

*The consistency of most hairspray is very drying. Not this stuff... It feels like motor oil!

*And if the lovely feeling of motor oil weren't enough, consider that whatever you happen to be wearing that comes in contact with your lovely blackened "do" will now also be dyed a complimentary dingy grey! Sa-weet!

*Once you have decided that the fun must cease and you rush to the shower to cleanse your locks, understand the shampooing directions of lather, rinse, repeat are not optional but absolutely mandatory! Twice!

*Lest you think that you missed a spot, be assured that when swabbing your ears and blowing your nose you will be continually reminded of your folly for at least two days!

*You will say to yourself more than once, "How did I get it THERE?" (Better to leave that one alone...)

*Definitely take pictures because unless you are crazy, you will never do this again!

Sometimes I wonder....

When did I grow up? I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. Had my birthday and I maintained control, didn't get hammered and feel decent this morning instead of like the walking dead! Beautiful dinner, wonderful friends, nice hotel and decent breakfast. All in all, not a barn burner, but a very good solid verification of how lucky I am.

What makes it all worthwhile? I just love my life. Sounds very cliche, but it is true. Days like today make me realize that over and over. I have amazing friends who love me despite the fact that I'm late to my own party. I have a husband who "gets me" most days, and that is priceless. I have healthy kids and wonderful pets. We have just enough money to keep our bills mostly paid and God is ever present in our lives. It's all very, very good.

What would I do if I could choose anything? Hmmmm.... That's not any easy thing to wrap my head around. I am so blessed and so very spoiled, I am starting to realize I have exactly everything I want and, most importantly, everything I NEED. There isn't much I lack, unless you count time, and I don't know that any of us ever has enough of that! I imagine I would choose to spend my time exactly as I have. I would relax at an amazing dinner with my husband, have a drink or two with my close friends and spend the night in a hotel enjoying my marriage. I'm only missing my kids who are playing with friends or grandmas... And that too is ok with me!

Happy Birthday to me... All grown up!

Absenteeism...

Yup. Been gone. Analog. Whiling away my days amidst the reality that is my life and none of it really very interesting... Well, unless you count hitting a deer on my way to drop off my daughter. Yeah, beautiful Edge is at the car doctor getting her face put back together. All in all, however, not a lot going on...

Ok.

Those of you that know me, know that is absolute crap! I've been busy as all get out and haven't been able to find my proverbial butt with both hands!

First there was the Vegas vacation I took with a gal pal after husband finally returned home... Much needed relaxation and a whole lot of doing nothing. GLORIOUS! Especially since after getting off the plane I was running immediately into our annual client appreciation party... The weekend after that, our annual fundraising show here at the ranch. This is a planners nightmare! Who's coming? Don't know... Can I hire a concession wagon? Nope. How much food do I buy? Don't know.... But it too went off without incident and all seemed to have a great time. I had enough food, enough help and enough change to get through the day.

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have only one job and only a few things to do a week. Would my house be cleaner? Would my kids have "activities?" Would I be bored? I don't know. I don't know that I will ever know. I think that might be a good thing, "idle hands" and all that... But sometimes I fantasize that I get to just do one thing for about a month. Wouldn't that be cool? And then I realize, I would hate it. Doing just one thing would mean I was a man... No thanks!

Random....

So today is stacking up to be a regular pain in the you-know-what... I am on call to have to drive most of the day because no one else is available at this given moment. In short, don't get me started!

I had all this energy to do a random post and now it may turn into a rant and rave, instead! (Ah, married life! Ain't it grand???)

On a good note, I am sooooo close to having the invitations for our customer appreciation Pot Luck done! I just have a little bling to finish and then the envelopes and a quick trip to the post office. These buggers have been giving me fits since I started the project! ARGH! But didn't they turn out nice?





Then there is my garden! It has quite taken over the grand firebox I constructed earlier this year and I couldn't be happier! Well, ok... So I hate weeding, and I am not entirely sure all my bushes will be making the trip back next year, but still. I have flowers! It looks like we might stay a while!












And that silly goofy rose that had the sticky up bloom in the middle? Well, it turned out the be the same kind of rose just some mutant stalk that came right up out of the center. During a particularly windy day around here, the stalk got bent, so I clipped it off and brought the stem inside. Isn't that just wonderful? I have never had flowers from my own garden in my house before. Very nice...


On the rant side... I am friggin' blind! Most of the pictures I am taking these days are coming out blurry because I don't have my little reader glasses to see if things are in focus. Pretty hard to take pictures on a micro focus at arms length! Ugh! So some of the close ups are crap... And still not sure what to get in way of new P&S camera. So crap pics it is!



How's your Labor Day going?

Ain't it grand?

Technology... Seriously, I am a Techy to say the least and I absolutely love it! As I write this on the lovely and very versatile iPad I wonder just how much technology is too much?

Is it too much when we are so tempted to veer off the road texting? Is it too much when your phone dings at you past 10 pm and you actually pick it up out of a sound sleep to see who is contacting you? Is it too much when it interferes with your ability to hold a complete conversation with someone sitting right next to you?

How much is too much?

A friend of mine believes that it actually shortens our life span because we never really shut down and relax. I can understand her perspective. All of my gadgets can definitely be a distraction and sometimes drive me to "work" even when I normally would be shut off to the office. Working for myself, however, I only get paid when I work and I only eat when I get paid. So... I do what I have to to keep things rolling along.

I think that once we recognize that we are doing too much we can begin to do things to counter those habits as well. I know in my 40's I have begun to travel more, get away with the girls more, and make more concessions on what I find fun. I recognize more readily my need to shut off and go analog.

I have given myself permission to not answer text messages after a certain hour. I have given myself permission to leave my phone off when I am with a friend so that I can truly be a friend. I don't answer calls or texts while I am being waited on by a clerk of any kind, and if by chance I am on a call for whatever reason and someone comes by to help me, I apologize for being obnoxious.

I love my gadgets, but I don't ever want them to come between me and mine, be it friend or family. So I try to practice some restraint... some...

Testing it out...

Sometimes new things feel very slow and unwieldy....


Trying out all the new stuff is fun if not tiresome for my readers.... Bear with me. I am trying to keep it at a minimum.

Today I rest...

Yup, today I have help. The neighbor kid is cleaning stalls for a little cash to help him fix his truck so I do not have to clean stalls! Yahoo!!!

I snapped the pic above with my phone... Apologies for the lack of clarity, but it was just the coolest sight! It is one of those lawn mower air chair thingies that a neighbor flies about... Looks terrifyingly fun, although I must admit that I wouldn't be caught dead in one!



I am fairly certain that that rose is not a part of what I thought I was buying. It is a traditional multilayered rose, not the hardy primroses I purchased specific to our altitude... Never the less, she sure is spectacular! Four buds on top and seems to be faring rather well, despite the lack of oxygen up this high! Lol!



Last, but definitely not least, a gratuitous shot of my niece... Sis and the family will be departing later today but we did manage to see each other twice while she was in town. Lexi is growing so very fast and is simply the loveliest little girl!

Looking forward to catching up on blog reading - from the new iPad, of course. The screen is spectacular!!

Oh man....

Yeah. Ahem.... My name is Mud, and I'm addicted to technology...

In my defense, I bought the darned thing after I walked out of the store twice! Yes. I went back in twice amidst snarky stares and big knowing grinny faces to buy the iPad.

I kept it simple and purchased the smallest one - no 3G, only 16g... And can I just say WOW!

It's so stinking cool I can hardly believe it!! My techy brother is so very jealous because I have it first. I'm not sorry. I work three jobs and I'm going to get something fun out of it!

Now.... Any suggestions on how I tell my husband?????

Childhood memory #1: Family Gathering

Yeah.... Seems very cliche, I know, but it is true. The very best childhood memories I have revolve around my family. I cannot think of anything I would rather do than hang out together with those very closest to me.

I'm not saying there aren't times I don't answer my phone when they call. I'm not saying I am the best daughter ever and just can't wait to see them 24-7. That would be a lie. I am saying that I just love the times we all sit around and laugh about things from our rather checkered past as a familial unit. Those gut wrenching, bend doubled over, laugh til the tears flow freely hilarious moments when we relive the food fight we had and Mom's mashed potatoes bounced! Those kinds of times... Reliving the awesomeness of having our kids and what that was like...

I love my family, and while some of my childhood was fraught with some very scary times, it made me strong and shaped my faith in ways I could never have predicted. I am a frugal, well adjusted, humble woman with a fiercely loyal and interesting family that I cherish above all else.

My biggest hope is that my kids will some day sit on my front porch in the cool of the Colorado evening and share stories they love about growing up on a horse ranch.

Childhood Memory #2: Traveling

I didn't really get a "hankering" for travel until rather recently.  I am not a comfortable traveler, per se.  I do it for the reward at the end.  I simply hate the process of it and that starts from packing to boarding whatever mode of transportation fits the trip.  Once on the plane, or in the car (as those are the only modes I have tested so far) I am able to exhale and start my journeys.

There are trips I remember from my childhood that I absolutely am swept away with.  Some were very plain and normal, like camping.  Those trips were wonderful!  I think about camping now with a bit of trepidation - OK a lot of trepidation!  I have no romantic ideas of what it would be like to spend a night under the stars...  My fear of carnivorous wild life sucks out what little verve is left after the thought of peeing down my leg when there are no available toilets.  Although Spud has posted a very wonderful camping trip here, I am not swayed.  I will camp at the Hilton, thank you very much!

I took a trip as a worldly 15 year old to Santa Fe, NM with my 9th grade class.  That was fun too, if not a little harrowing.  I didn't fit in as well as those popular girls and there was a rather humiliating picture of my bum taken sticking out of my sleeping bag while I drooled on my pillow.  Still, I remember the trip as one that I completely enjoyed and I took enough pictures that one of my childhood albums has remembrances in it.

Another trip, I think I was around 10 or 11 years old, was back east in the summer months.  I remember those travels as being very fun.  It was enthralling for a "town kid" to wander the back woods of Maryland, swimming in a pool at our uncle's and just generally having the time of our lives whiling the days away on hikes amid some very green canopies.

My family never traveled extensively, but those few times we did instilled in me an appreciation for trips that I hold dear to this day.  My husband travels constantly with his work these days and I am so very grateful that he is generous and gracious with me when he lets me gallivant off to some destination I have dreamt up.  He has taught me that travel doesn't have to be completely planned and "itinerary-ed" to death - some of the best trips he and I have taken were spontaneous and very ill prepared for. He has also taught me to be a confident traveler and to take it all in.

Thank you dear, for instilling in me a desire to see more than just my back yard! By the way, I will be heading off to....

Childhood Memory #3: Ballet

So many girls start their imaginings with the basics...  What do I want to be when I grow up?  There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a ballerina.

I watched PBS incessantly hoping to wander upon a ballet that they might be showing.  I would settle for modern dance, but it never held the same mystique as the fluffy Tu-Tu'd dames that sprung across the stage in those amazingly shaped toe shoes.  I would beg to watch the "Nutcracker Suite" each Christmas and I would mimic the steps and the over dramatic poses if left alone in the living room to play.  At one point in my childhood, I even cut up my security blanket (saving back one small square for emergencies) to fashion slippers, complete with wooden alphabet blocks for the toes.  It was then my family began to take my desire very seriously....

My mother indulged me by purchasing ballet lessons for me.  I was quite the little diva, too busy making sure that my leotard and my leg warmers were just so, rather than practising technique that might push me into an actual sweat.  The lessons were held in the classroom of a local school and I know it cost my mother dearly to watch, week after week while I wasted time tugging and pulling and bending my accoutrement, rather than learning the steps I so desperately needed.

Amazingly, I did have some natural talent, although it took some years to become mature enough to realize it wasn't about the outfit.  My dad caught me one afternoon in our wooden floored dining room practicing my craft.  He stopped me and told me right out loud that he thought I was talented, and a little later sat me down with my mother and discussed another round of lessons.  This time I would be studying in a proper studio, taught by a proper Madame, with the tell-tale gnarled toes of a dancer poking out of her black footless tights.

It was more Modern Dance than traditional ballet, but I was well suited to it.  I enjoyed it and the few friends I made.  Awkward as can be and gangley fit right in for dance.  I was disappointed when after two session of Modern Dance I was not accepted into the folds of the traditional ballet class.  I remember it being a technique issue as I often had my bum slapped for it's offensive sticky-outy-ness.  (I suffered from mild scoliosis as a pre-teen.)

I loved the nights we would walk to and from the studio and I felt so glamorous in my leggings and dance garb.  The most wonderful thing of all was knowing that it was because my dad recognized I had talent and desire that I had been afforded another chance at my dream.

While I never looked back after completing my last recital with the small troupe, it gave me a verve to pursue my dreams.  I realized then and there, ones dreams must always be explored.  Even if I try and fail, at least I have tried and know what it felt like to see it through.  Thanks Dad, for believing in me and showing me how to pursue my loves.

Childhood Memory #4: Nana's Typewriter

I have talked about my grandparents quite a bit here.  I know why... They were definitely influential parts of my childhood.  I loved them very much and they are still missed in my thoughts.  Much like my mother, my grandparents were incredibly strong individuals and they taught me much in the way of independence.

Many hours spent in imagination-play at my grandmother's was peppered with naps, snacks and plenty of ice cream.  But the most influential thing about her was a very simple concept.  I was allowed to play with almost anything I found interesting.  My Nana was just very patient that way - Or maybe the old adage is true, "They just don't make things like they used to!"  She simply wasn't afraid I would break the stuff I played with.

I was always especially intrigued with an old typewriter that sat in the upstairs hallway.  When I say old, I mean the old manual driven typewriters with a silk, ink-drenched ribbon that left my fingers black more often than not.  I loved sliding a piece of typewriter paper into the roller platen and hearing the click-click as it seated into it's place.  I would spend hours playing secretary, picking up the hallway phone that was mounted upstairs, taking phone messages and sitting at a rather rickety roller table that I had perched my "office" upon.  I would type until my little finger tips ached from the effort of making the keys hit hard enough to impress the ink upon the page.  When I tired of playing office, I would move to magazines and simply practice typing (without looking, of course) as the pages of the National Geographic made its way through the magic of that manual machine.  I always thought it would be wonderfully romantic to be a secretary with a real reason to sit at a typewriter and tap-tap-tap out my duties...

Many years later, I did land a job as a secretary...  Not so glamorous, and I was definitely required to use a computer keyboard, not a typewriter.  I moved from one keyboard to another during my stint in the public workforce.  I always remembered the love I had for those keys and their clackity-clack that gave me so much confidence.

I love writing, I think, because I was allowed to play at it for long summer days and was never afraid to work with the tools of the trade.  Looking back, I am so very glad I got to bruise my fingers playing at the work I now enjoy so much.

Favorite Childhood Memory #5 (Counting down... As it were)

My mother was a single mom for a lot of my childhood.  I think she is an amazing woman and very very strong for having done life the way that she did.  Married at 18, me born ten months and ten days later, she did what she did the best way she knew how.  I still shudder at the thought of being married at 18 - Cripe!  Some days being married at 42 is tough!

As a single mom, and a working mother at that, she did what she could to make things fun with frugality always at the root.  Some of the most wonderful times I can remember of her were the nights she didn't have to work late and we could, all us girls (I had just a younger sister at the time), shop for our dinner that night.  The most special of treats would be Weiner Wraps, hot dogs, and those cookies you got out of the roll...  Mom would let us help, which for a harried and hurried mother of two was so very hard to do (I know this because letting my little ones help was often more work than I could stand...).  We would get the kitchen chairs up to the counter and mom would walk us through wrapping our hot dogs in the pastries and laying them out on the cookie sheets.  Then we would wait as mom cut the roll of cookie dough into slices so each of us could take turns placing them on another sheet.

I loved those nights.  They were nights Mom called "Girls nights" and I remember sitting across the tiny kitchen table from her thinking how amazing she was.  I wanted to grow up to be just like her, and I was going to dye my hair red so that we could match.

I love thinking back to those Saturday afternoons when Mom would crank up the stereo console unit with one of her records and mop the floors and clean house like no body's business!  I remember sliding across the basement linoleum floor in my socks after she mopped, giggling and dancing until I was breathless!  Mom would sing to herself from the records as she worked and I loved to imitate her by tying my own kerchief around my hair, just like her...

My mom was and still is in many ways my biggest inspiration.  She is a strong woman with strong opinions and fierce love for her kids.  I love that about her.  I have taken much from her and I call them strengths.  My mom seldom reads my blog anymore...  There are parts of me that are hard for her to read about.  I understand that...  But I hope that if I do nothing else in this lifetime, I truly convey to her how much I really love and admire her.  She taught me to be exactly who I am and I love her for it!

In which she rambles on about nothing in order to avoid billing... AGAIN!

Actually, in my defense, I sat down here to do the prelims on my monthly billing and my thumb drive didn't have the current copy of the billing on it!  So truly, I tried...  Albeit, not too hard.  So instead, I am blogging. I'll take what I can get at this point.

The Colorado skies have been wonderfully beautiful again, mingling the most amazing clouds with a clear blue sky that is simply unbelievable!  Days have been bright and hot with afternoon showers that have my hayfield popping with what looks hopeful in the way of getting more to bale and put up for the season...  I am impressed!

I am fighting the urge to reopen my Face Book account...  Does anyone out there NOT have a Face Book account?  And how many of you actually like it?  Seriously.  I feel left out.  I am such a dork, though...  I just know something stupid will go on and I will get my feelings all squashed and be butt-hurt (as our Assistant Trainer says) over nothing at all.  It's like being an addict... Once you get clean, you just know you can't go back.  There is no "little bit" of Face Book!  I should just stay out.  Spud!  Help me out here - Tell me it's a waste of time!  Tell me I don't want to do it...  (resumes normal breathing, straightens shirt and attempts typing something more intelligent...)

Man is talking me into going to Durango soon.  I vowed not to go since he poo-pooed my desires to have our first and probably our only family vacation in Montana at a wonderful resort.  "We have mountains here," he says...  P-shaaaaw!  So when his attempt at a compromise included, "And I can work at a clinic as well!" I was not interested.  Why is it Man cannot understand that a vacation should not include the very horses that keep you tied to your home in the first place?  Why must I continue to explain that vacation means a trip out of the ordinary?  But he wants to take the kids... And I do want to go see Durango.  Haven't ever been.  So I guess I will swallow my pride and my irritation, and go anyway.  But I will only secretly enjoy it, so there!

Have enjoyed a wonderful couple of days with just Girl and me...  We mesh, we two.  Boys are good, and necessary, and have merit most days.  But us Girls, we just rock! 

I have been avoiding work long enough...  Have some new projects coming.  I often think about things I did as a kid.  I believe parenting does that to you.  You watch your own playing at what they will and you remember being in that wonderful place as a kid where you could while away the days inside your own imagination.  I started trying to remember those things that made an impression on me, those things that I truly enjoyed doing as a kid.  I plan on sharing those in hopes that some of you will join in.  Tell me what you loved about being a kid where you were, some great memories that you treasure from your youth.  Family trips, good friends, past times that kept you busy...  I will show you mine if you show me yours! (tsk, tsk!  Keep it clean!)

And now I must sign off...  Billing has to be done tomorrow! I plan on celebrating with wine... 7 Deadly Zins to be exact!  Pop in for a glass...  I'm always open for guests!

A complete waste of time!

No, I am not talking about FaceBook... Although I am about as pissy right now as I was when I had a Facebook account!

No, Ladies (and Gent!)! I am speaking about the innumerable hours spent listening to a rather fat, balding man drivel on for hours about his wondrous insurance company and why he is the best and why I should buy and why I will never ever be complete without it - Until of course he asks what Man does for a living...  A freaking week later!  Um, did you see the rather dark and swarthy man out there on the horse?  It is, after all, the middle of the day...  And, well, he is riding a HORSE!

I sat through this man's "no pressure" presentation, which took him over an eye-twitching hour and a half to complete, only to have him call me up today to ask me two more questions about horse training, which then culminated in him telling me, "I think you should check out Blah-Blah Insurance for your husband..."  WTF??????   Why would I want to do that?  What happened to, "We are the best, we are what you need, we can solve all manner of issues..."  What happened to that?  "Well, horse training is a rather dangerous occupation..."  No duh, Sherlock!  Could that be why I need INSURANCE????????  I listened to this idiot prattle on about his parasitical infection (no joke, he gave details and all....  Ugh (shudder)) and the fact that he is a pilot, blah-blah-drivel-drivel....   All to be told that it was a complete waste of my time, because they will not cover Man.  He is my only source of income!  If he ain't covered, Einstein, I don't need your insurance!!!!!!  AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In short, I hate insurance agents!  C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E   W-A-S-T-E    O-F   T-I-M-E!

Confessions of a desk addict

Spud hit it on the head the other day...  I have a thing for desks.  It is a dark obsession and one the I struggle with in constancy...  Mostly because I am absolutely out of room to put another stick of furniture in my home and there are still so many really awesome cool desks out there to be purchased, perused and possibly purloined!

There is Nana's desk that was once her mother's (or maybe mother in law's?) This is Man's family, not mine (yet):

(Gratuitous inside shot just for Spud...)

Man's desk from his boyhood:

(The knobs for the bottom drawer are inside, refusing to stay on the drawer!)

Girl's crazy colored desk, complete with horses:

Boy's desk, complete with cars and one shark's jaw (boxed for protection):

My Nana's desk, one of the only things I wanted when she passed:

And the kidney shaped desk we refer to as the "Red Table" to hide my addiction:

Don't judge me!  I told you I had a problem right from the start.  I know it is a problem because I would have more, if I only had the room!  I'm not sure what it is...  It could be that a writer always needs a good desk, or that I have a serious attachment to things that hold sentimental value. I don't really care what the cause is.  I enjoy each desk for what it is. 

And maybe if I rearrange the bedroom, I could fit another desk in there...

Does Creative Juice have calories?

It's here!  Yeah!  I am so happy...  (Despite Google's aggravating habit of turning the picture, no matter how I save it to my computer the CORRECT way...) It is the start of the return of my creative side!  The booklet that I place in two Dr's offices is a small advertisement venture that features my work in paper craft and other original works.  It took about an hour and a half to get the booklet pieced together on the Internet and a week to get here, but it was well worth it!  It has opened my eyes to the fact that I NEED to do those creative things to feel better - A lot like getting outside after our grueling winter months!

I spent just a small amount of time the other day in my card room making a special card for a friend of mine who was having a monstrous day.  I sparked in me the desire to do more!

I have the most wonderful space created...  It is not what some would call "wonderful", but it sparks in me that creative thing - That unnameable thing that makes me tick with joy and verve.  It is in this space that I feel alive and refreshed, useful and original, absolutely adequate!  Drawers filled with rubber stamps, drawers stuffed with papers of every color, boxes of ribbon and bits of little jewels, wire, markers, paper flowers, beads, pens and innumerable other little spots of creative bliss that make me think, "What can I make with that?"

I have always been a card person...  A note here and there, a handwritten letter - They always seem to mean more than a hastily tapped out email.  I know I smile when I get something in the mail that actually comes in an envelope and took the sender at least a quick second to put together... 

When Man and I were newly married, only five years or so, his grandparents passed on.  In the span of 5 months he lost first his grandmother, Nana, and then his grandfather, Pappy.  We were asked to please come to their home and peruse their things to see if there was anything we would like to keep as a remembrance of our years together.  This has always been such an incredibly creepy and difficult thing for me to do, despite the well meaning traditions behind it.  It seems so vulture-like, scavenging through some one's precious things and determining what you will discard of their life and what you will take away.  Yuck.

Despite my misgivings, we went.  It was there that we discovered Nana's desk.  It had been her mother's before her, and it seemed no one had room or wanted to move it into their own home.  I stood before her desk and breathed very quietly to my husband that I would love to have her desk.  It spoke to me...

For whatever reason, my wish was granted and we carted the lovely (if a little worn) desk home.  Upon opening that top drawer, I found cards... 

Stacks and stacks, categorized by event.  Nana had always been the one to send you a card on your birthday, a card to wish you well when you were ill, a card for anniversaries...  That was Nana's knack.  While I was never as organized or as attentive as Nana, I decided to make a feeble attempt at keeping up the hand written note.

I am picky.  I used to spend hours in the card and stationary sections of stores and I used to spend A LOT of money to ensure that I had just the right card for just the right occasion.  Sometimes I couldn't find what I envisioned and it frustrated me.  And so I started making my own.

I cannot say my current card making is spend thrift.  On the contrary, I have thousands of dollars of supplies to make up my card room.  But I can say that when you receive a card from me, I thought about you the entire time I made it.  I smiled about who you are to me.  I made sure that each and every component, from the color and texture of the paper, to the small details I included just for you would make you smile and remember how very special you are...  I like that.  It makes my heart smile!

Sometimes...

Sometimes it takes a friend to tell you you're being silly, over reactive, and stubborn

Sometimes splurging on crab legs brings out the best complements from the Man

Sometimes listening to others is our own best therapy

Sometimes sending the kids with Gramma makes you appreciate them more

Sometimes the best thing in the world is the sound of a buzzing fan

Sometimes you realize you were wrong and it makes you laugh, instead of cry

Sometimes you round a corner in the road and thank the Lord you don't own cattle

Sometimes you realize the plans you had aren't as important as the plans that spring up in spite of them

Sometimes the worst scenario isn't all that bad

Sometimes it takes losing to remember how sweet winning is

Sometimes the loss that you are feeling at the moment will fade before you can remember what it was you lost in the first place (did that even make sense?)

Sometimes the best dinner is a bottle of wine, wedges of cheese oddities, a bowl of hummus, crackers and the haphazard grape shared with the Man

Sometimes people leave and you hardly notice they're gone

Sometimes getting your to-do list done isn't so important

Sometimes you just want your Mom

Sometimes doing for others is our own best resource

Sometimes silence is the most desirable sound

I've been hiding...

Yes...  It is true.  I've been hiding from the fact that I have been laid out, flat on my back, weeping big, sad, doleful tears because I let it get the best of me.  What got the best of me?  Everything.  Nope, not being vague here, or trying to spare any feelings.  Everything piled up and landed squarely on my shoulders until I was hunched over, couldn't turn my head and had a rather lovely eye twitch...  A camera capturing that would have sworn I'd escaped the bell tower in some Slavic country....

I have never pretended to be sane.  I have never (hopefully) projected some false image that I have it all together.  I was a little shocked that I would be so utterly laid low by my own body.  Ungrateful traitorous thing, this body of mine!  I seriously thought I handled it well.  Ahem...  Yeah.  I live in Egypt, right on de-Nile.

It always starts, this crazy spiral down of mine, about this time...  June/July is terrifyingly sparse.  And I do it alone due to Husband's hectic travel plans.  This year?  Well, this year was a little different and just enough so that I pushed over the edge and kind of hung there like Wile E. Coyote, until Man returned home and my body felt the release of the adrenaline.  It was replaced with pain, severe, mind numbing, unavoidable, devastating pain.  After being largely on my own for about 7 weeks (Man was in and out, home about 17 days from the middle of May to the second week in July), having added the third business a little over a year ago and little sleep my lovely, usually reliable bod said, rather loudly, "SCREW YOU!" and took an extended vacation from supporting my head.  Literally felt like a bobble head doll on crack, randomly yelling out, "Ow!" and gripping my neck for no apparent reason.

So what's the point of this rant, you might ask?  Especially since you have just arrived from Allie's wonderful recommendation that you come here?  (Usually I am very far from serious...  Hang in there with me...)  Well, er...  I am wondering, how do you do it?  How do you reevaluate your life when it seems that you have lived an amped up life for so long that you need to find a "new bottom" - And get your mind out of the gutter! I don't mean a new bum! I mean a new level of normal...  There are far more drastic and tragic ways lives are changed for ever than mine, but I am struggling to find my new bottom.  And I need to find it desperately!  (Snickers at thought of actually losing one's bum!)

You will be happy to know that I have gotten out my essential oils again, Muse, and that I have convinced my aromatherapist/Massage therapist lady that I will be a good girl and come once a month if she will see me (She really is magical!)...  I have been busy the last day or so planning another girlfriend trip to lovely Vegas (Allie, you really should come someday! It isn't scary at all - And you were so close in Reno!), that has helped my mood tremendously!  I take a nap each afternoon, or at least allow myself some down time to do "whatever". I have also rekindled my second business, which was actually started to feed that creative side of me and which I let simmer on the back burner when things got hectic...  So I am trying....

Sometimes life feels a lot like a long hallway with lots of doors.  Some are unlocked and look rather inviting.  Some have rather creepy noises coming out of them and I walk quickly by...  I am hoping one of them has a wonderful friendship behind it and maybe some well thought out advice!

The ugliest plant ever has bloomed!

Yes, I have more than once considered throwing it out... The plant, not the cat.  The cat would and has come back.  As you can see the plant is just not one of those Ooooh Ahhhh kinds of plants.  It is straggly and ragged and very ahem - well, different!

The last time I seriously considered throwing it out, my best girlfriend told me "NO! Don't give up! You just haven't found its happy spot... Let's try here!"  And she moved his little stand to the very place you see it now.  I tossed it water on occasion...  I even fertilized it every now and then.  Not because I have any kind of love for the thing, I simply had extra left in my can.  It has been here over a year, virtually unnoticed.

Quite the sweet little blossoms, don't you think?  I sure do!  The plant is still hideous, if you ask me.  But the fact that it is finally happy enough to send me an encouraging little flower - Well that seals its place by the back door for as long as I can keep it alive.  So actually, no promises!

As for the cat... Well, he's a keeper!

Some days are better left undone

So, yup... There it is.  I said it.  I would have rather that today didn't come.  I am depressed, frustrated and downright disappointed in myself.

Yesterday, despite my misgivings and irritation at being the only person in our family that gives a crap, I cleaned.  I vacuumed, I swept, I straightened and I dusted.  I cleaned up all the piles of unfiled papers and threw away loads of unimportant crap and papers and mailings...  Or so I thought.  I am very unsure if all I tossed was of the tossable nature, as now I cannot find a set of registration papers for a horse that I desperately need.  And the most frustrating part is that I can somewhere in my foggy brain remember seeing the papers and saying to my self, "Self, one should take care of such important papers immediately!"  I do remember that.  Can I remember what the papers came in?  Or if I left them in such container?  Can I remember what the blast I did with them?!?!?!?!  Nope.  Can't.  Can I find them now?  Nope.

At this point, with fighting siblings in the background, I am ready to check myself into the looney bin.  I am not even afraid of all the crazy people that reside there.  I think it might even be more a vacation than I have had in months!

I'll do anything to avoid cleaning house...

Yes, it's true... I am a first rate Procrastinator...  I hate to clean.  Thus my home has not seen the sight of the

vacuum in almost 3 months.  I know, I know...  Ick...  It is a sort of protest, but alas it isn't working!  No one seems to give a rat's arse that our home is overrun with dog hair, mud and various other items that just seem to pile up and disappear into the background of our lives.

This morning, I informed my husband that I had a friend showing up this afternoon...  He looks at me panicked and spits out, "What about this house???"  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????  Of course I will clean it up now.  Because I want to do something fun and I am not about to be embarassed about the fact that my family doesn't care how we live.  I will clean up, vacuum, mop and dust to make sure that my friend thinks we don't live like swine...  But I know the difference.

As a light aside to my Rant...  Aren't the cows cute?  These are those mini herefords and they are just adorable...  Still snot ridden, fat, stinky cows, but they are cute in the way of.... well...  I'm not sure...  Maybe thinking cows are cute is strickly an ailment of living out here in the boonies.  I stopped to take a few snaps with my phone on my way to get groceries.  Mom, Pop and little Dude looked at me in amazement...  What could I possibly want a pic of them for?  Ahem - And now your famous, Mini-Bovine Family!

Unstructured Randomness - Again

Yup...  Here I go again...  Not conforming to Tuesday or Friday or what have you.

:-: I love watching the birds at the feeders.  It just makes me smile and feel like the hostess with the mostest!  Even the birdies agree! I love the songs they sing and the colors...  Red winged black birds and finches!  The finches have finally come!!!  As I sit here and type, I have four of the lovely colorful buggers feeding right now! Gorgeous!

:-: I do not appreciate the way the deer are now helping themselves to the bird feeders, under cover of darkness, of course.  They have now bent the pole and it is listing sideways in a rather alarming manner!  I don't mind sharing the seed - I understand from the singing and squawking that is is quite delectable.  Just don't ruin my flimsy pole! And please quit abusing the feeders so much that you dump the seed out on the ground...

:-:  Have been considering a sneaky paint attack...  One of those clandestine moments in which you garner the help of an equally sneaky friend and paint a room the color you want without asking permission or help from the man.  I know what I want, and it is rather dramatic - although also very popular in home decor right now, and I know that Man will not necessarily hop right on board.  I might just get it done - Or I might just chicken out!

:-:  Took me three days, but I am rid of June's billing!  I hate June on many levels, but this one was particularly vexing.  After 5 horse shows, unraveling the mess that was the billing became a larger than life task.  I only hope that we can make it through the next few months.  It looks a little grim on the business front.

:-:  I am on the last chapter of my book endeavor.  I think this last chapter is particularly hard because I am right in the middle of living it.  I think it is also hard because I seem to be mourning the process and feeling like it is coming to a close.  When I was young and finished a book I was reading, I would sometimes cry when it was over.  Really good books do that to you, they leave an empty space inside you where their characters used to live.  With my own writing, it feels slightly similar.  I love what God is doing with it and I am loathe to stop...

:-:  I am finally ready to give the house a very good cleaning...  I have been in a funk as of late and my house has suffered for it.  There isn't one room that is company approved and that is about to end, my friends!  Today I shop for food, tomorrow I CLEAN!!!

:-:  I have noticed that my blog reading has narrowed to a few folks I can relate to.  Oh, I still have those ethereal blogs in my read list, they just don't hold sway the way they used to.  I don't have desire to read them much.  Maybe I will delete them from my list, but probably not.  I never know when the photography alone might just catch my eye.

:-:  The sound of running horses is the most exhilarating sound I know.  It strikes in me a chord of fearful excitement mixed with awe at the beauty of their physique.  There just isn't anything as beautiful to me as a running, powerful horse.

:-:  A week away has drug my little flower garden into the land of weeds.  Ugh.  I now have about two hours work getting the sprouted grass and dandelions yanked back out of there.  I will enjoy it, I am sure, but I do look at it with a bit of chagrin.  I wanted the garden, I hate weeding with a blazing passion!

:-:  One of my bloggy friends has reminded me that my cutting remarks, though often not heard by others, are still not the right way to respond.  I have learned this lesson before, but I know I have allowed old habits to creep back in and set up shop.  Thanks, Ally, for being real and sharing something that I needed a reminder of...

Ten Aromatic Pleasures...

Thanks, Liz!  I wanted to post, but couldn't think of anything relevant...  In this summer air, your post just hit the spot!

Ten lovely scents that send me to my happy place:

1. Oranges: Always transports me back to my childhood and rummaging through Granpa's lunch box while perched atop the counters in Gram's kitchen.
2. Peppermint:  Fresh, clean, energizing and the smell of Christmas, my favorite holiday (besides my birthday).  Mixed with hot chocolate it is absolute bliss!
3. The nape of both children's necks...  There is just something about it that never changes.  From the time they were babies to now, I love the way my kids smell - Well, mostly!
4. My husband's jackets: A combination of the scent that is him, horses, earth and sundry veterinary applications.  It reminds me why I fell in love with him...
5. Pine: The smell of fires outdoors, cozy fires inside, a warm all around feeling of family and comfort.
6. My only perfume "Design".  It was the only perfume I had when we got married and the only one I took with me on our honeymoon.  That light and flowery scent with a hint of citrus will transport me back to days when my tummy was flat and my love was new.
7. Fresh baked bread.  Funny that someone with Gluten intolerance is drawn to the one thing she cannot have...  OK, not so much funny as tragic!  But I still get to bake Gluten Free bread.
8. Puppy Breath.  It is all together the best smell ever!  I love the way they smell just a bit like wild onion. In their exuberance to greet you, puppy breath means you got the best of their love, all at once!
9. Cut grass.  Even though it often sends me into a sneezing, allergic attack, the smell of cut grass is a wonderful reminder that it isn't snowing!
10. Peaches.  Don't know why, but it instantly makes me smile!  I have no specific memories, but a box of fresh peaches from the local nursery will have me breathing deeply over it's contents for minutes at a time.

Thanks Muse for the "muse"!  It made me think...  And now I'm smiling!

There's always hope

I mean, isn't there?  Hope that another day spent cleaning the barn will be appreciated, hope that we can get all the horses turned out without incident and drama, hope that we can have just a little more God-delivered stretched time to get just a little more done before we have to leave in the morning...  I am hopeful.

I am hopeful that visiting the Man in OKC will not be a dreadful and sweltering experience.  I am hopeful that he will be happy to see me and not be pouty about his horses or his ride or how hot it is (he is such a pansy in hot weather).  I am hopeful that the trip will end with seeing my sis-in-law, whom I adore, and having saved up enough chuckle time to smile sweetly later in the summer.

I am hopeful that the kids will truly enjoy their time at the lake planned for mid-July and then come back to my sister's visit and the meeting of their newest cousin, Lexi-Loo.  I am hopeful that she will be a wonderful, laughing bundle and we can enjoy s'mores by the fire and a great glass of wine in the warm evening breeze.

I am hopeful once more...  What are you hopeful for?

Things I hate about being a woman...

Can you tell it has been one of those days?  Well, one of those weeks, actually!  I don't know what it is, but when Shane leaves the ranch there will inevitably be something that I have to deal with that is very decidedly the territory of boy-decision-land.  Cars, the well pump, major horse issues, fencing blunders, etc.  It always seems to crop up when Man is out of pocket and cannot be reached.

Today started out with a small list of tasks I wished to complete before I headed back to the ranch to get the kids and go summer clothes shopping.  I needed to go to the bank (check), wash the car and wipe it down inside (check), get the oil changed in the car (screeeeeeeeeech!) - And there I became irrefutably mired in Boy-Land!

Why is it when you have boobs (Yes, I said the b-word and I know I may pop up on some unsavory searches...) men instantly think you cannot possibly understand logic?  Makes me insane!  Husband is somewhat of a gear head and I have been around garages for our entire 18 year relationship.  I had to, or I would have not been his girlfriend...  But I digress.  So I know when a mechanic pulls me out of my seat in the waiting room to "show me something", I am about to get really pissed off.  Both because he is about to piss me off and because he is about to try to stick to his story... 

My lovely Ford Edge needed new brake pads on the rear wheels and some might say the rotors needed turning.  I asked the mechanic if we could get away with a pad-slap (very gear-headed-lingo of me!) and I would deal with the rotors when I returned?  He was obviously surprised that I knew that term and he stopped talking to me like an imbecile at that point.  Good choice, Sparky!

Manager-Man was not so smart...  He tried to tell me that the coupon I had for the brake job was not going to cut it and that the labor was more for different brands of pads.  Um....  Gee, Mr Manager, Do I look like my boobs are in my ears?  Or my eyes?  Do I look stupid to you????????  Tell me that there is a difference in labor from one brand of pad to another - Are you wanting me to leap over the counter and wrap your tie around the ceiling fan?????????  Gimme a break!  I looked him squarely in the face and said, "You do realize that that is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard?" and then I mumbled, "I wish my husband were here!"

It is so amazing to me that all at once, the tire rotation suddenly was free, the battery terminal service was removed from the order, and the brake job was reduced by $20. Hmmmm.... 

And if that was not bad enough boy-behaviour, yesterday I spent the majority of my day arguing with an Ebay goober that requiring cash payment was against Ebay policy.  DUDE!  Seriously?  Do you think I was born yesterday????  I am NOT sending you cash!!!  You put the item on Ebay, you can abide by the rules of Ebay and accept PayPal as a form of payment or I'm not buying your crap!  Idiot actually had the b***s to threaten me with "negative feedback" and report me to Ebay...  Amazing how that fizzles when you tell them you have already talked to Ebay-Gods and confirmed that you are within your rights to cancel the sale.  So leave your negative comments, DUDE!  You are sooooooo busted!  (I did get my way, BTW. Because I ROCK!) He got awful cordial and apologized multiple times after that revelation...  Ugh.

Boys... You can't live with 'em, and you better have help to bury them if you shoot 'em!

I'm going to fix myself a drink on the front porch now... No shopping for me tonight!  I might just kill someone!

Unstructured Randomness

Yeah, I'm not good at following those Random Tuesday bits, or Wordless Wednesdays, I pretty much suck at any kind of structure type...  Makes me a good entrepreneur, I guess (not a good speller).  I still have the random days and I feel the need coming on now.  While waiting until next Tuesday may make for a larger, more interesting, more complex list, I will not wait!  I'm spoiled like that.  So here goes my list:

• What in the world is up with my stinking body lately???  All my food seems to get stuck in about the mid abdomen level and it makes for some very uncomfortable hours while it moves on past.
• Why is it I have been counting calories for over a month now and have only lost 4 pounds?  I hate to think that I actually have to start exercising... I don't like 40-something already!
• If absence makes the heart grow fonder, I am going to freaking tackle my husband once he finally returns home!  He has been home a grand 5 days in the last 16 and won't be home more than 4 more before the month is out...
• Don't you just want to smack folks right through your computer screen who think they can pass judgement on others with a cursory glance at their blog?  (Yes, Rachel, I am still fuming over Carin - Who is a complete waste of skin!)
• When I am tempted to compare my life to others, I have recently started checking myself.  No amount of money, fame, or other material stuff can possibly make up for having a partner that just loves you - All of you, no matter what, all the time.
• My give-a-pooper has gotten really broken for folks that can't bother to be honest.  I just hate being lied to and I have started just cutting it out!
• I am terribly thankful that my Vista PC is still working and not having the issues with IE8 that others have had, or that my XP PCs have had.
• I LOVE MY MACS!!!!!  It is incredibly nice to have machines that just work and allow me to get so much more done in a day!  Sa-Weet!
• I am still in bloggy-love with so many of you talented ladies that write, write, write with such consistency.  I have slacked off and I am really trying to figure out a new project to do that will give me a writing goose in the britches!
• I REALLY wish that alcohol was calorie free!  Man...  Count those calories sometime, would ya?
• Does someone out there have a house-cleaning genie they wouldn't mind sharing?  If he looked like that Prince of Persia, I wouldn't mind either... (Even Girls blushes when she talks about Jake...)
• Still loving my phone... Think I have found the answer to iPhone not playing nice with Verizon.  But be warned, if the iPhone comes to Verizon - I know I will have to get one!
• On the same note, still very much in love with the Edge-mobile.  Have had so many folks just stop me and ask how I like my car...  It is really a sweet ride, as one of my daughter's friends once said.  It too has a free pass in my book and a home for the long haul.

Hope I haven't bored you to tears... But then, isn't that what blogging is all about? Blogging like no one is reading and just for your own sanity?  I am sure that is part of how it all started...  Like Liz, I think I am ready to do some drastic simplification!