Thursday, July 15, 2010

I've been hiding...

Yes...  It is true.  I've been hiding from the fact that I have been laid out, flat on my back, weeping big, sad, doleful tears because I let it get the best of me.  What got the best of me?  Everything.  Nope, not being vague here, or trying to spare any feelings.  Everything piled up and landed squarely on my shoulders until I was hunched over, couldn't turn my head and had a rather lovely eye twitch...  A camera capturing that would have sworn I'd escaped the bell tower in some Slavic country....

I have never pretended to be sane.  I have never (hopefully) projected some false image that I have it all together.  I was a little shocked that I would be so utterly laid low by my own body.  Ungrateful traitorous thing, this body of mine!  I seriously thought I handled it well.  Ahem...  Yeah.  I live in Egypt, right on de-Nile.

It always starts, this crazy spiral down of mine, about this time...  June/July is terrifyingly sparse.  And I do it alone due to Husband's hectic travel plans.  This year?  Well, this year was a little different and just enough so that I pushed over the edge and kind of hung there like Wile E. Coyote, until Man returned home and my body felt the release of the adrenaline.  It was replaced with pain, severe, mind numbing, unavoidable, devastating pain.  After being largely on my own for about 7 weeks (Man was in and out, home about 17 days from the middle of May to the second week in July), having added the third business a little over a year ago and little sleep my lovely, usually reliable bod said, rather loudly, "SCREW YOU!" and took an extended vacation from supporting my head.  Literally felt like a bobble head doll on crack, randomly yelling out, "Ow!" and gripping my neck for no apparent reason.

So what's the point of this rant, you might ask?  Especially since you have just arrived from Allie's wonderful recommendation that you come here?  (Usually I am very far from serious...  Hang in there with me...)  Well, er...  I am wondering, how do you do it?  How do you reevaluate your life when it seems that you have lived an amped up life for so long that you need to find a "new bottom" - And get your mind out of the gutter! I don't mean a new bum! I mean a new level of normal...  There are far more drastic and tragic ways lives are changed for ever than mine, but I am struggling to find my new bottom.  And I need to find it desperately!  (Snickers at thought of actually losing one's bum!)

You will be happy to know that I have gotten out my essential oils again, Muse, and that I have convinced my aromatherapist/Massage therapist lady that I will be a good girl and come once a month if she will see me (She really is magical!)...  I have been busy the last day or so planning another girlfriend trip to lovely Vegas (Allie, you really should come someday! It isn't scary at all - And you were so close in Reno!), that has helped my mood tremendously!  I take a nap each afternoon, or at least allow myself some down time to do "whatever". I have also rekindled my second business, which was actually started to feed that creative side of me and which I let simmer on the back burner when things got hectic...  So I am trying....

Sometimes life feels a lot like a long hallway with lots of doors.  Some are unlocked and look rather inviting.  Some have rather creepy noises coming out of them and I walk quickly by...  I am hoping one of them has a wonderful friendship behind it and maybe some well thought out advice!

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