Letters from my day...

To the Lunch Counter Worker at the Ford Dealership:
Everyone is having a bad economic year.  Yes, everyone.  Especially those persons who have ventured out to have their own business.  Trust me, I know... I have three.  No one is interested in how you are going to start charging for random cuttlery, ketsup packets, napkins etc. if someone forgets to get them from the local eatery they choose instead of your dreary counter.  No one cares that it pisses you off. No one.  I am also not intimidated by you, since I did not need any of your paltry supplies to eat my lunch.  And since I cannot eat anything you provide, kindly stuff your dirty looks at my Taco Bell bag in your ear!  Maybe if you changed your attitude and quitcherbitchin, your counter would be fuller and so would your pockets!

To the Ford Service Customer Rep:
Yes, I have boobs.  Yes, I am a fairly attractive woman.  No, this does not mean that I am an idiot.  I do not appreciate the lies you tell  me to try to talk me into cleaning my battery terminals for $35!  It was a rip off charge last month when you tried to get me to do it and it is still a rip off now.  My husband cleaned off the "extremely" corroded terminals in all of 5 minutes with very little effort.  The next time you lie to me about how bad things are, make sure I cannot check up on you and that you don't involve my husband.  It flat pisses him off.

To the Person Who Insisted on Driving below the speed limit on the Freeway:
I am the last person to tell you to speed.  I cannot speed myself, as I get caught on a regular basis when I do.  But if you do not want to at least drive the speed limit, kindly move your tortoise-impersonating-arse out of the way so the rest of us can at least motor along and get where we need to in some semblance of timeliness.  It makes those nut-jobs who tend towards road rage endanger those of us who simply want to travel safely up and down the by-ways of our state.  Move it!

To Husband:
I am so appreciative of all you do in a day.  I am happy to kiss you good night and wish you luck as you traipse off to play free poker in order to recharge your batteries.  Simply know that I will call in the same favor in the not-too-distant future and I will expect the same shining attitude from you.   :P