I'd like some cheese with my whine...

• When did my knee become one of those trick type? I am reticent to wear my excruciatingly cute heels knowing my knee is now "tricky"...
• How did water suddenly become much more desirable than the sweet, sticky sodas I used to crave before I realized the high fructose corn syrups give me an asthma attack? It just tastes better.
• At what point did life deal me that cruel card that looks suspiciously like the Old Maid? I don't feel like that wrinkled-y chick that keeps creeping into my mirror. She doesn't look at all like she could "bust a move!" (Maybe she'll just bust a knee?)
• When is it safe to smack Hubby for being so damned crabby after I have waited two weeks to see his loveliness? Now? How about now? Wait... Now?
• What happened to my sweet little girl and who the heck is the crab-fest that has shown up to replace her? Can I return the grump and trade in for a nice 3 year old? One without the attitude?
• Did the same person who has abducted my Girl also take Boy who used to love me? I now have for my delight an eye-rolling, breath-huffing, foot-stomping rude-o. On order: one 6 year old with a penchant for skateboarding...
• Who has snuck into my lovely home and left a disgusting smattering of dog hair, old homework and plastic grocery bags? Who does that kind of thing? Oh! The humanity!!!!