In which she rambles on about nothing in order to avoid billing... AGAIN!

Actually, in my defense, I sat down here to do the prelims on my monthly billing and my thumb drive didn't have the current copy of the billing on it!  So truly, I tried...  Albeit, not too hard.  So instead, I am blogging. I'll take what I can get at this point.

The Colorado skies have been wonderfully beautiful again, mingling the most amazing clouds with a clear blue sky that is simply unbelievable!  Days have been bright and hot with afternoon showers that have my hayfield popping with what looks hopeful in the way of getting more to bale and put up for the season...  I am impressed!

I am fighting the urge to reopen my Face Book account...  Does anyone out there NOT have a Face Book account?  And how many of you actually like it?  Seriously.  I feel left out.  I am such a dork, though...  I just know something stupid will go on and I will get my feelings all squashed and be butt-hurt (as our Assistant Trainer says) over nothing at all.  It's like being an addict... Once you get clean, you just know you can't go back.  There is no "little bit" of Face Book!  I should just stay out.  Spud!  Help me out here - Tell me it's a waste of time!  Tell me I don't want to do it...  (resumes normal breathing, straightens shirt and attempts typing something more intelligent...)

Man is talking me into going to Durango soon.  I vowed not to go since he poo-pooed my desires to have our first and probably our only family vacation in Montana at a wonderful resort.  "We have mountains here," he says...  P-shaaaaw!  So when his attempt at a compromise included, "And I can work at a clinic as well!" I was not interested.  Why is it Man cannot understand that a vacation should not include the very horses that keep you tied to your home in the first place?  Why must I continue to explain that vacation means a trip out of the ordinary?  But he wants to take the kids... And I do want to go see Durango.  Haven't ever been.  So I guess I will swallow my pride and my irritation, and go anyway.  But I will only secretly enjoy it, so there!

Have enjoyed a wonderful couple of days with just Girl and me...  We mesh, we two.  Boys are good, and necessary, and have merit most days.  But us Girls, we just rock! 

I have been avoiding work long enough...  Have some new projects coming.  I often think about things I did as a kid.  I believe parenting does that to you.  You watch your own playing at what they will and you remember being in that wonderful place as a kid where you could while away the days inside your own imagination.  I started trying to remember those things that made an impression on me, those things that I truly enjoyed doing as a kid.  I plan on sharing those in hopes that some of you will join in.  Tell me what you loved about being a kid where you were, some great memories that you treasure from your youth.  Family trips, good friends, past times that kept you busy...  I will show you mine if you show me yours! (tsk, tsk!  Keep it clean!)

And now I must sign off...  Billing has to be done tomorrow! I plan on celebrating with wine... 7 Deadly Zins to be exact!  Pop in for a glass...  I'm always open for guests!

A complete waste of time!

No, I am not talking about FaceBook... Although I am about as pissy right now as I was when I had a Facebook account!

No, Ladies (and Gent!)! I am speaking about the innumerable hours spent listening to a rather fat, balding man drivel on for hours about his wondrous insurance company and why he is the best and why I should buy and why I will never ever be complete without it - Until of course he asks what Man does for a living...  A freaking week later!  Um, did you see the rather dark and swarthy man out there on the horse?  It is, after all, the middle of the day...  And, well, he is riding a HORSE!

I sat through this man's "no pressure" presentation, which took him over an eye-twitching hour and a half to complete, only to have him call me up today to ask me two more questions about horse training, which then culminated in him telling me, "I think you should check out Blah-Blah Insurance for your husband..."  WTF??????   Why would I want to do that?  What happened to, "We are the best, we are what you need, we can solve all manner of issues..."  What happened to that?  "Well, horse training is a rather dangerous occupation..."  No duh, Sherlock!  Could that be why I need INSURANCE????????  I listened to this idiot prattle on about his parasitical infection (no joke, he gave details and all....  Ugh (shudder)) and the fact that he is a pilot, blah-blah-drivel-drivel....   All to be told that it was a complete waste of my time, because they will not cover Man.  He is my only source of income!  If he ain't covered, Einstein, I don't need your insurance!!!!!!  AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In short, I hate insurance agents!  C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E   W-A-S-T-E    O-F   T-I-M-E!

Confessions of a desk addict

Spud hit it on the head the other day...  I have a thing for desks.  It is a dark obsession and one the I struggle with in constancy...  Mostly because I am absolutely out of room to put another stick of furniture in my home and there are still so many really awesome cool desks out there to be purchased, perused and possibly purloined!

There is Nana's desk that was once her mother's (or maybe mother in law's?) This is Man's family, not mine (yet):

(Gratuitous inside shot just for Spud...)

Man's desk from his boyhood:

(The knobs for the bottom drawer are inside, refusing to stay on the drawer!)

Girl's crazy colored desk, complete with horses:

Boy's desk, complete with cars and one shark's jaw (boxed for protection):

My Nana's desk, one of the only things I wanted when she passed:

And the kidney shaped desk we refer to as the "Red Table" to hide my addiction:

Don't judge me!  I told you I had a problem right from the start.  I know it is a problem because I would have more, if I only had the room!  I'm not sure what it is...  It could be that a writer always needs a good desk, or that I have a serious attachment to things that hold sentimental value. I don't really care what the cause is.  I enjoy each desk for what it is. 

And maybe if I rearrange the bedroom, I could fit another desk in there...

Does Creative Juice have calories?

It's here!  Yeah!  I am so happy...  (Despite Google's aggravating habit of turning the picture, no matter how I save it to my computer the CORRECT way...) It is the start of the return of my creative side!  The booklet that I place in two Dr's offices is a small advertisement venture that features my work in paper craft and other original works.  It took about an hour and a half to get the booklet pieced together on the Internet and a week to get here, but it was well worth it!  It has opened my eyes to the fact that I NEED to do those creative things to feel better - A lot like getting outside after our grueling winter months!

I spent just a small amount of time the other day in my card room making a special card for a friend of mine who was having a monstrous day.  I sparked in me the desire to do more!

I have the most wonderful space created...  It is not what some would call "wonderful", but it sparks in me that creative thing - That unnameable thing that makes me tick with joy and verve.  It is in this space that I feel alive and refreshed, useful and original, absolutely adequate!  Drawers filled with rubber stamps, drawers stuffed with papers of every color, boxes of ribbon and bits of little jewels, wire, markers, paper flowers, beads, pens and innumerable other little spots of creative bliss that make me think, "What can I make with that?"

I have always been a card person...  A note here and there, a handwritten letter - They always seem to mean more than a hastily tapped out email.  I know I smile when I get something in the mail that actually comes in an envelope and took the sender at least a quick second to put together... 

When Man and I were newly married, only five years or so, his grandparents passed on.  In the span of 5 months he lost first his grandmother, Nana, and then his grandfather, Pappy.  We were asked to please come to their home and peruse their things to see if there was anything we would like to keep as a remembrance of our years together.  This has always been such an incredibly creepy and difficult thing for me to do, despite the well meaning traditions behind it.  It seems so vulture-like, scavenging through some one's precious things and determining what you will discard of their life and what you will take away.  Yuck.

Despite my misgivings, we went.  It was there that we discovered Nana's desk.  It had been her mother's before her, and it seemed no one had room or wanted to move it into their own home.  I stood before her desk and breathed very quietly to my husband that I would love to have her desk.  It spoke to me...

For whatever reason, my wish was granted and we carted the lovely (if a little worn) desk home.  Upon opening that top drawer, I found cards... 

Stacks and stacks, categorized by event.  Nana had always been the one to send you a card on your birthday, a card to wish you well when you were ill, a card for anniversaries...  That was Nana's knack.  While I was never as organized or as attentive as Nana, I decided to make a feeble attempt at keeping up the hand written note.

I am picky.  I used to spend hours in the card and stationary sections of stores and I used to spend A LOT of money to ensure that I had just the right card for just the right occasion.  Sometimes I couldn't find what I envisioned and it frustrated me.  And so I started making my own.

I cannot say my current card making is spend thrift.  On the contrary, I have thousands of dollars of supplies to make up my card room.  But I can say that when you receive a card from me, I thought about you the entire time I made it.  I smiled about who you are to me.  I made sure that each and every component, from the color and texture of the paper, to the small details I included just for you would make you smile and remember how very special you are...  I like that.  It makes my heart smile!

Sometimes...

Sometimes it takes a friend to tell you you're being silly, over reactive, and stubborn

Sometimes splurging on crab legs brings out the best complements from the Man

Sometimes listening to others is our own best therapy

Sometimes sending the kids with Gramma makes you appreciate them more

Sometimes the best thing in the world is the sound of a buzzing fan

Sometimes you realize you were wrong and it makes you laugh, instead of cry

Sometimes you round a corner in the road and thank the Lord you don't own cattle

Sometimes you realize the plans you had aren't as important as the plans that spring up in spite of them

Sometimes the worst scenario isn't all that bad

Sometimes it takes losing to remember how sweet winning is

Sometimes the loss that you are feeling at the moment will fade before you can remember what it was you lost in the first place (did that even make sense?)

Sometimes the best dinner is a bottle of wine, wedges of cheese oddities, a bowl of hummus, crackers and the haphazard grape shared with the Man

Sometimes people leave and you hardly notice they're gone

Sometimes getting your to-do list done isn't so important

Sometimes you just want your Mom

Sometimes doing for others is our own best resource

Sometimes silence is the most desirable sound

I've been hiding...

Yes...  It is true.  I've been hiding from the fact that I have been laid out, flat on my back, weeping big, sad, doleful tears because I let it get the best of me.  What got the best of me?  Everything.  Nope, not being vague here, or trying to spare any feelings.  Everything piled up and landed squarely on my shoulders until I was hunched over, couldn't turn my head and had a rather lovely eye twitch...  A camera capturing that would have sworn I'd escaped the bell tower in some Slavic country....

I have never pretended to be sane.  I have never (hopefully) projected some false image that I have it all together.  I was a little shocked that I would be so utterly laid low by my own body.  Ungrateful traitorous thing, this body of mine!  I seriously thought I handled it well.  Ahem...  Yeah.  I live in Egypt, right on de-Nile.

It always starts, this crazy spiral down of mine, about this time...  June/July is terrifyingly sparse.  And I do it alone due to Husband's hectic travel plans.  This year?  Well, this year was a little different and just enough so that I pushed over the edge and kind of hung there like Wile E. Coyote, until Man returned home and my body felt the release of the adrenaline.  It was replaced with pain, severe, mind numbing, unavoidable, devastating pain.  After being largely on my own for about 7 weeks (Man was in and out, home about 17 days from the middle of May to the second week in July), having added the third business a little over a year ago and little sleep my lovely, usually reliable bod said, rather loudly, "SCREW YOU!" and took an extended vacation from supporting my head.  Literally felt like a bobble head doll on crack, randomly yelling out, "Ow!" and gripping my neck for no apparent reason.

So what's the point of this rant, you might ask?  Especially since you have just arrived from Allie's wonderful recommendation that you come here?  (Usually I am very far from serious...  Hang in there with me...)  Well, er...  I am wondering, how do you do it?  How do you reevaluate your life when it seems that you have lived an amped up life for so long that you need to find a "new bottom" - And get your mind out of the gutter! I don't mean a new bum! I mean a new level of normal...  There are far more drastic and tragic ways lives are changed for ever than mine, but I am struggling to find my new bottom.  And I need to find it desperately!  (Snickers at thought of actually losing one's bum!)

You will be happy to know that I have gotten out my essential oils again, Muse, and that I have convinced my aromatherapist/Massage therapist lady that I will be a good girl and come once a month if she will see me (She really is magical!)...  I have been busy the last day or so planning another girlfriend trip to lovely Vegas (Allie, you really should come someday! It isn't scary at all - And you were so close in Reno!), that has helped my mood tremendously!  I take a nap each afternoon, or at least allow myself some down time to do "whatever". I have also rekindled my second business, which was actually started to feed that creative side of me and which I let simmer on the back burner when things got hectic...  So I am trying....

Sometimes life feels a lot like a long hallway with lots of doors.  Some are unlocked and look rather inviting.  Some have rather creepy noises coming out of them and I walk quickly by...  I am hoping one of them has a wonderful friendship behind it and maybe some well thought out advice!

The ugliest plant ever has bloomed!

Yes, I have more than once considered throwing it out... The plant, not the cat.  The cat would and has come back.  As you can see the plant is just not one of those Ooooh Ahhhh kinds of plants.  It is straggly and ragged and very ahem - well, different!

The last time I seriously considered throwing it out, my best girlfriend told me "NO! Don't give up! You just haven't found its happy spot... Let's try here!"  And she moved his little stand to the very place you see it now.  I tossed it water on occasion...  I even fertilized it every now and then.  Not because I have any kind of love for the thing, I simply had extra left in my can.  It has been here over a year, virtually unnoticed.

Quite the sweet little blossoms, don't you think?  I sure do!  The plant is still hideous, if you ask me.  But the fact that it is finally happy enough to send me an encouraging little flower - Well that seals its place by the back door for as long as I can keep it alive.  So actually, no promises!

As for the cat... Well, he's a keeper!

Some days are better left undone

So, yup... There it is.  I said it.  I would have rather that today didn't come.  I am depressed, frustrated and downright disappointed in myself.

Yesterday, despite my misgivings and irritation at being the only person in our family that gives a crap, I cleaned.  I vacuumed, I swept, I straightened and I dusted.  I cleaned up all the piles of unfiled papers and threw away loads of unimportant crap and papers and mailings...  Or so I thought.  I am very unsure if all I tossed was of the tossable nature, as now I cannot find a set of registration papers for a horse that I desperately need.  And the most frustrating part is that I can somewhere in my foggy brain remember seeing the papers and saying to my self, "Self, one should take care of such important papers immediately!"  I do remember that.  Can I remember what the papers came in?  Or if I left them in such container?  Can I remember what the blast I did with them?!?!?!?!  Nope.  Can't.  Can I find them now?  Nope.

At this point, with fighting siblings in the background, I am ready to check myself into the looney bin.  I am not even afraid of all the crazy people that reside there.  I think it might even be more a vacation than I have had in months!

I'll do anything to avoid cleaning house...

Yes, it's true... I am a first rate Procrastinator...  I hate to clean.  Thus my home has not seen the sight of the

vacuum in almost 3 months.  I know, I know...  Ick...  It is a sort of protest, but alas it isn't working!  No one seems to give a rat's arse that our home is overrun with dog hair, mud and various other items that just seem to pile up and disappear into the background of our lives.

This morning, I informed my husband that I had a friend showing up this afternoon...  He looks at me panicked and spits out, "What about this house???"  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????  Of course I will clean it up now.  Because I want to do something fun and I am not about to be embarassed about the fact that my family doesn't care how we live.  I will clean up, vacuum, mop and dust to make sure that my friend thinks we don't live like swine...  But I know the difference.

As a light aside to my Rant...  Aren't the cows cute?  These are those mini herefords and they are just adorable...  Still snot ridden, fat, stinky cows, but they are cute in the way of.... well...  I'm not sure...  Maybe thinking cows are cute is strickly an ailment of living out here in the boonies.  I stopped to take a few snaps with my phone on my way to get groceries.  Mom, Pop and little Dude looked at me in amazement...  What could I possibly want a pic of them for?  Ahem - And now your famous, Mini-Bovine Family!

Unstructured Randomness - Again

Yup...  Here I go again...  Not conforming to Tuesday or Friday or what have you.

:-: I love watching the birds at the feeders.  It just makes me smile and feel like the hostess with the mostest!  Even the birdies agree! I love the songs they sing and the colors...  Red winged black birds and finches!  The finches have finally come!!!  As I sit here and type, I have four of the lovely colorful buggers feeding right now! Gorgeous!

:-: I do not appreciate the way the deer are now helping themselves to the bird feeders, under cover of darkness, of course.  They have now bent the pole and it is listing sideways in a rather alarming manner!  I don't mind sharing the seed - I understand from the singing and squawking that is is quite delectable.  Just don't ruin my flimsy pole! And please quit abusing the feeders so much that you dump the seed out on the ground...

:-:  Have been considering a sneaky paint attack...  One of those clandestine moments in which you garner the help of an equally sneaky friend and paint a room the color you want without asking permission or help from the man.  I know what I want, and it is rather dramatic - although also very popular in home decor right now, and I know that Man will not necessarily hop right on board.  I might just get it done - Or I might just chicken out!

:-:  Took me three days, but I am rid of June's billing!  I hate June on many levels, but this one was particularly vexing.  After 5 horse shows, unraveling the mess that was the billing became a larger than life task.  I only hope that we can make it through the next few months.  It looks a little grim on the business front.

:-:  I am on the last chapter of my book endeavor.  I think this last chapter is particularly hard because I am right in the middle of living it.  I think it is also hard because I seem to be mourning the process and feeling like it is coming to a close.  When I was young and finished a book I was reading, I would sometimes cry when it was over.  Really good books do that to you, they leave an empty space inside you where their characters used to live.  With my own writing, it feels slightly similar.  I love what God is doing with it and I am loathe to stop...

:-:  I am finally ready to give the house a very good cleaning...  I have been in a funk as of late and my house has suffered for it.  There isn't one room that is company approved and that is about to end, my friends!  Today I shop for food, tomorrow I CLEAN!!!

:-:  I have noticed that my blog reading has narrowed to a few folks I can relate to.  Oh, I still have those ethereal blogs in my read list, they just don't hold sway the way they used to.  I don't have desire to read them much.  Maybe I will delete them from my list, but probably not.  I never know when the photography alone might just catch my eye.

:-:  The sound of running horses is the most exhilarating sound I know.  It strikes in me a chord of fearful excitement mixed with awe at the beauty of their physique.  There just isn't anything as beautiful to me as a running, powerful horse.

:-:  A week away has drug my little flower garden into the land of weeds.  Ugh.  I now have about two hours work getting the sprouted grass and dandelions yanked back out of there.  I will enjoy it, I am sure, but I do look at it with a bit of chagrin.  I wanted the garden, I hate weeding with a blazing passion!

:-:  One of my bloggy friends has reminded me that my cutting remarks, though often not heard by others, are still not the right way to respond.  I have learned this lesson before, but I know I have allowed old habits to creep back in and set up shop.  Thanks, Ally, for being real and sharing something that I needed a reminder of...

Ten Aromatic Pleasures...

Thanks, Liz!  I wanted to post, but couldn't think of anything relevant...  In this summer air, your post just hit the spot!

Ten lovely scents that send me to my happy place:

1. Oranges: Always transports me back to my childhood and rummaging through Granpa's lunch box while perched atop the counters in Gram's kitchen.
2. Peppermint:  Fresh, clean, energizing and the smell of Christmas, my favorite holiday (besides my birthday).  Mixed with hot chocolate it is absolute bliss!
3. The nape of both children's necks...  There is just something about it that never changes.  From the time they were babies to now, I love the way my kids smell - Well, mostly!
4. My husband's jackets: A combination of the scent that is him, horses, earth and sundry veterinary applications.  It reminds me why I fell in love with him...
5. Pine: The smell of fires outdoors, cozy fires inside, a warm all around feeling of family and comfort.
6. My only perfume "Design".  It was the only perfume I had when we got married and the only one I took with me on our honeymoon.  That light and flowery scent with a hint of citrus will transport me back to days when my tummy was flat and my love was new.
7. Fresh baked bread.  Funny that someone with Gluten intolerance is drawn to the one thing she cannot have...  OK, not so much funny as tragic!  But I still get to bake Gluten Free bread.
8. Puppy Breath.  It is all together the best smell ever!  I love the way they smell just a bit like wild onion. In their exuberance to greet you, puppy breath means you got the best of their love, all at once!
9. Cut grass.  Even though it often sends me into a sneezing, allergic attack, the smell of cut grass is a wonderful reminder that it isn't snowing!
10. Peaches.  Don't know why, but it instantly makes me smile!  I have no specific memories, but a box of fresh peaches from the local nursery will have me breathing deeply over it's contents for minutes at a time.

Thanks Muse for the "muse"!  It made me think...  And now I'm smiling!