Feels like a long time...

I am feeling a little lost amount the leaves this morning. I miss my blog! I have been so very busy with life and birthdays and parties and poker and businesses that I have not been here to visit with all of you. So I figured a random list of all the things that I have been doing and learning while I have been away would be in order for today.

• I have learned that I get a lot more done when my desk is cleaned off. Funny that - Who knew? (Yeah, don't tell me!)
• I have learned that Girl is just the best kid ever and taking time to spend with her on a "Girl Day" results in a comment made that I will take to my grave with a smile on my face... "I don't know why other kids don't like hanging out with their mom... I love you and think you are the best!" (Pan to mother in big puddle on floor...)
• I have learned that Hubby is way more accommodating than I am when he is in a room full of folks.
• I have learned that all my hard work does pay off, even when I don't see it right away.
• I have learned to trust other folks to do as good a job as I aspire to, despite bad experiences to the contrary!
• I have learned that God only gives me as much as I can handle, and when the time comes - I should escape and take a bubble bath without guilt that I'm not doing something else.
• I have learned that God also isn't stingy with His provision. I will have just what I need, just in time.
• I have learned that old trucks are cool to drive and GPS is invaluable.
• I have learned that Boy just needs me to be here, even when it looks like he isn't paying any attention to me.
• I have learned that Hubby loves me, even though and in spite of the fact that I am sometimes snotty.
• I have learned that old friends feel so good and conversations can go on for a long time after you say goodbye when it's just comfortable.
• I have learned that I am not comfortable with choosing a new horse just yet.
• I have learned that a new remote can make all the difference for me and yet not be fully appreciated by the rest of the family.
• I have learned to trust my own judgment on what my businesses need.
• I have learned that my blog will still be here and the dust can be blown off any time I have a moment or a tidbit to say from it.

Have a wonderful weekend!

What a wonderful day...

Do you ever just wake up and feel like maybe, just maybe, it will all work out just fine and all that crazy crying you did the other day seems so out of place?

Well, that is how I am feeling this fine morning. See, I have this issue. I suffer from terrible monthly mood swings. Yes, it is that kind of mood swing... I no longer have the messy physical symptom of that time (thank you modern medicine), but the hormonal craziness still plants itself firmly in my lap rather regularly.

Today, however, is a great day! The sun is shining (for a chick with S.A.D. that is paramount to a good mood), the breeze is crisp, and I am having folks over today that are truly my friends. Tonight we will converge on a wonderful Mexican restaurant for dinner and drinks and I am looking forward to feeling too full and blissfully tipsy. (I get to celebrate require that my birthday is at least a week long...)

I hope you too have a wonderful day! May the sun be shining in your part of the world and peace be filling your soul!

I would despair without Pen and Paper

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Isn't that just a hoot? Pen and Paper. Think about it - or maybe that kind of thought is just too frightening for most of us... But really, Pen and Paper are a pleasure I cannot fully comprehend.

You see, I love technology. I do. It feeds my soul in ways that I cannot get in any other way. I love the keys on my computer and how they feel all clicky and smooth beneath my fingertips. I love my phone, my GPS unit and all sundry other items that link me firmly to the 21st century.

But Pen and Paper... They are truly my secret love.

There simply is nothing like the feel of a good pen on new, crisp, white lined paper. I really relish new journals and the way the paper feels when the book is brand new. I love to feel the ink glide from the confines of my pen onto the pages, spilling with it my thoughts, my dreams and my innermost self. The way my handwriting either slides, glides, slips or flies onto the page is determined by many things. I can be feeling soft and contemplative, introspective or very fiery and angry and yet the feel of pen and paper in my hands calms me in ways that nothing else can.

I used to draw. Until I found other ways to be creative. Because, let's face it, drawing? Not my thing! Not in the way that writing feeds me. I type because it is faster and fuels my mind's tendency to race over multiple thoughts at once. But I think if I was more disciplined, I would write more. Use my hands more.

I love using fountain pens. My grandmother fueled that love early on in my writing career. She let me play with volumes of India ink and pens with something called "nibs". I thought it was wildly romantic to write with a fountain pen. Until I turned the insides of my fingers blue with a leaking pen one day and I realized that I would spend long minutes scrubbing the ink off of them before my date with Hubby (then Boyfriend).

Now I write with Pen and Paper when it is important. I sign all of our Christmas cards. I still hand write thank you cards. I absolutely cherish hand written letters and have secretly cursed the fact that I cannot seem to fully understand the Postcard chain that is going around Twitter... I think Spud is involved in it somehow... Postcrossing???? Something of the sort. Anywhoooo.

Despite the fact that I seldom use them, I would despair without Pen and Paper!

Bone tired... But in a good way.

Yes, folks, I have been absent. This happens when life requires that we grow up and actually hit that real world to make a buck to, I don't know, pay the mortgage?

I have been terrified of what this week might mean for me. In the face of unknowns I tend to freak out a bit and run around with one foot firmly ensconced in cement, causing me to simply reel around the other appendage in a whirligig of activity, that surprisingly, gets me nowhere... Today was the end of that kind of activity.

Today, I gave my energy outlet and activity that brought in $1000. Pretty darned cool!

Never mind it was from slinging 50lb bags of feed and a literal (yes, 2000 lbs) ton of pelletized bedding. It was satisfying to meet my customers and to drive a big-boy truck and to have it all done my way. I got to fill up the gas tank. I got to plug the info and addresses into the GPS (I am still a girl after all!). I didn't get lost. I didn't hurt anything or run anything over. I was not a girly girl today. I was productive and muscle-ey and I did it all by myself. Well, sorta! I had company! I was "training" the gal and friend that will be doing the deliveries from next week on. It was nice and it was fruitful. It gave my fears no where to hide, and thusly they vanished!

I can do this!

So tonight, my back aches, my feet hurt and I am bone tired... In a VERY good way!

I would vanish without Hubby

OK. So this one is a blatant homage to my man. I don't apologize. It is true, mostly.

I cannot get along without Hubby. Besides the fact that he is my rock, the dude who pulls me out of the sludge of deep depression and the hunky best gift giver ever, he is also an incredibly handy dude.

This has come in very handy as of late. Today he worked on the feed delivery truck, had the tractor wheel torn apart, moved pallets of pelleted bedding around the ranch for me, picked up kids from the bus stop and even took enough time out to take me to sushi for lunch to cheer me up. That is a pretty incredible dude! Especially since heading to town is a 30 minute drive at best.

Hubby is an incredible dude. He is the best gift giver EVER! He has even done the unthinkable and purchased a woman's most elusive purchase... A handbag! And he did it very well! I used that purse until the "big bag" came back into style. Almost 3 years! Can you believe that???? A purse! He has also bought me dresses, coats, jackets, the most beautiful jewels and yes, even horse items - Once. I only had to say something once and I never saw another horse related item under the tree again. SCORE!

He is very logical. I love that. I am not logical. I am artistic. I am passionate. I am fiery. I am not logical. He is my emotional counterpart that tends to calm me in the midst of storms. He is yang to my yin. I don't see him lose his temper often. When I do, I react. But it isn't a usual happening. Unlike me who loses it on a regular basis. He isn't snotty about how calm he is either. He just is. That can be maddening. Really maddening. Murderously so. But I digress...

He is incredibly generous. Much more so than I. I try. But in the land of give it away, I fall pathetically short of Man. He would gladly give away his most precious possession if he knew it would make someone happy. He is just that way. I am a lot more selfish... This is why he completes me!

But more than completing me, Hubby gets me. He understands when I need pushed. He understands when I need to be left to my own devices and he knows instinctively when I should be allowed to spend money on just me. He truly gets me. I would love to say that that is reciprocated, and I do try... I fail a lot. But I try to get him too. My only hope is that he sincerely understands that no matter how much I mess it up, I love him more than I could have ever hoped.

I am blessed and I couldn't make it without my Hubby!

Hippo Birdies to me!

I have finally completed them! I am relieved and excited and so very happy they are done!

These are my invitations to my Birthday Anniversary Party. (What?? I really don't get this chick!) Let me explain before you hit that un-follow button... See, I decided last year, in the midst of a disastrous shopping trip for a new "I feel way younger than 40" dress for my celebration, that I would no longer age. I was mortified that I was caught shopping in the Juniors department for my new couture... None the less, I was trying to avoid the inevitable. So I flat decided this would be the last birthday I had. Not the last celebration - Absolutely not! I love a good party and I am after all Queen of Everything! So there would be parties! Just not aging. No more birthdays that make me feel old and irrelevant. I would gladly celebrate the anniversary of my 40th birthday for the rest of my days, but I am not aging past 40 years old!

So here it is! The first anniversary of my 40th birthday and I am ready to party! After all, I quit aging remember? Well, the invites are spectacular, aren't they?

Feels so gooooood!

You know when you have something hanging over your head and you just can't seem to catch a break to get it all done? I have been living under that Eeyore cloud for almost a full week now! It sucked! But I finally unraveled the tangled mess and sent out the billing after three days (yes, I said three) of tearing my hair out by the roots and one incredibly bad day where I thought I might actually pack all my undies and hit the road. I was serious. Sat in the car almost 5 minutes, contemplating the consequences... Decided if I did that, the billing would still be here waiting on me, even more tangled than before. Not an option. I pushed through!

Dramatic, I know. But it was that kind of epiphany moment when I realized (once again) that I cannot do it all! I want to do it all. That is the control freak in me that seems to think that only I have any skills at all, including driving the car. I have begun the insurmountable task of convincing Hubby that he too can drive kids to school and pick them up from the bus stop. I have to count on him more, and he on me less, if this endeavor is to succeed...

Now, to my illness that seems to kick in with the Grabbies when I try to let go. I think some of you out there will fully understand this sickness. I give it away, fully intending to let the chore of whatever I have deemed doable go to the person of my choosing. I then peek in on their progress... Bad idea! Because undoubtedly, the timeline isn't kicking right along, and I don't feel like it is where it needs to be... And I grab it right back and huff off into the sunset, muttering to myself about doing it all myself if I want it done right... Two months later, right back where I started!

Argh! But today, today is a good day. I am refreshed by completing the task I had looming over me. Refreshed enough to be creative to put the finishing touches on the birthday invitation piled in my card room. It won't take long, once I get it all in line. So I took just a moment to stop in and say hello!

I am hoping Monday will find me back at my blog project of the Things I Cannot Live Without. If it doesn't, I will try not to break out the flail, and just plan a little more me-time for the wee hours of the am!

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New Pup is doing awesome, BTW. He is actually fitting right in. And a guilty little secret I have.... He only listens to me. Hee hee hee! He loves me best, and he is definitely not anyone else's dog. I love that. I am trying to share. But I love that Pogo chooses my lap first. He comes to me and bats at my hands when I am typing. He wants up on my lap while I work. I am in doggy heaven!