When I'm 64...

Ok... Last one, I promise! This will be the last birthday month post for a year or so. (And this one is two days delayed because of stupid app crashes!)

I think when you turn 40 there is a general tendency to take inventory. You begin to look at your life differently and with more clarity. The years of hormonally driven youth melt away and you are left to boil down what's left to the things that really matter. I have been caught doing that more and more. Hopefully, I am less driven by my emotions and more likely to quietly contemplate my response BEFORE I blurt it out.

The Beatles did a song, many moons ago, entitled, "When I'm 64..." It is more of a love song about will you still love me when I am old, wrinkly and need more care than is comfortable? While that is a valid question, I wanted to do a post on what I want at age 64... Because we all know, it is all about me!

* I want to dance! (Still...) I don't want to be a sedentary mass in a rocking chair somewhere, unless that chair is a rockin"! I want to be tapping my toes, spinning about wildly and generally making my kids cringe with fear that Mom's about to break a hip! I want to feel the enjoyment I get out of the sounds of life and youth, long after that youth has eluded me. I doubt I will feel any less youthful at 64 than I do today, but I do want to have my grandkids look at me and ask this old lady to dance!

* I'd like peeps not to know I am 64, truth be told. I want to be one of those ladies that you know HAS to be of a certain age, but you just can't seem to pin her down. I vowed once I turned 40 to quit aging. I am eternally celebrating my 40th... Hopefully, those who do know me well enough will keep my secrets. Medical miracles, tiny little injections and hair color are amazing tools I plan to use to the fullest!

* I want to keep up with the techies... I know this as part of my personality very well and I doubt it will be hard to do. There are just things that make me grin from ear to ear and technology is one of them. I simply hope that in my busy life I don't fall out of sync with the newest little gadget that keeps me young at mind!

* I want to savor my life. Right now, things seem to go by at breakneck speed and I am often caught just going through the motions. Obviously I want to get this started sooner than 64, but I do want to develop a habit of savoring my moments, no matter what they are. To some this may sound like "smell the roses," but I would beg to differ. I also want to savor (in a way) those things that are not always thought about as pleasant. Without the difficulties, the trials and yes, the pain, life gets very bland. If I didn't have hard times in my life, I would not be able to truly revel in the easy times. It takes having both to truly appreciate the other. I am not trying to be morose here, quite the opposite. I want to start looking at my life's challenges through a different set of lenses. I want to savor every day, because it is God given and I have a choice. I can be unhappy and unpleasant to be around, or I can choose to savor the moment for the growth it will create and move through it looking for the good that will come out of it.

* Along those same lines, I want to cherish those around me. So often I am guilty of taking my family, friends and co-workers for granted. I need to stop that! I want to truly convey the love and the enjoyment I get from each individual that graces my life with their presences. I want to go to my Lord knowing I left no "I love you" unsaid, no hug unbestowed, no hand left unheld. I want the people in my life to know that though we may not have always agreed, I loved them for who they were and appreciated their choice of me as an accompaniment. Fact is, peeps don't have to choose me, and when they do, I should cherish their friendship, love ... whatever they happen to give. It is the people in my life that make it worth living.

Thanks for putting up with my birthday month... I have always been a celebrator! I promise not to mention it for another 11 months... maybe.

Dear 25 Year Old Me...

Dear 25 Year Old Me...

In keeping with my birthday month, I have another letter. This one is to myself on the verge of so many huge life altering choices. But then, isn't that what your twenties is all about? Finally figuring out that you don't know it all, discerning who you actually want to be and determining a path to get there.

Dear 25 Year Old Me,

It has been a bit since my last letter to you. I hope that this one finds you more willing to take a look inside and maybe save yourself some heartache in the end. It is unlikely, but a gal can hope! Just like your parents are suddenly seeming to make more sense these days, maybe you can read this letter from yourself and take in more than you did last time, oh "Impetuous One!"

That desperate feeling you have most days is completely normal. It is called a biological clock and yours is set on high. I would love to tell you to take a minute, slow down, smell the roses - but I know that you won't. You are on a mission to complete some warped check list of life goals. That's ok. It will hit you one day rather soon, that your list is missing some pretty important factors. I'll let you figure that out all by yourself. Just rest a little and know that things are about to change in a big way.

For instance, you are just a few short months away from meeting your soon to be husband. He will not be the guy you thought you were looking for, he will be so much more. There will be obstacles to overcome, heart break to work through, but in the end you will marry and find a partner you can't imagine being without. He will be your perfect counterpart, calm to your storm and so very much in love with you. You will often wonder how it was that God gave you such a partner - don't question it, just be very thankful! Remember that marriage is what happens after the wedding and it is ALOT of hard work. It is also rewarding work, if you stick with it.

There is another person waiting in the wings for you to be won over. He is also your perfect partner in some ways. Most of all, He is the perfect Lord. Yes, I know... You have steered clear of all that religious fanaticism for a very long time now and you can't imagine that you will ever go back. Your future husband will explain, however, that if you want him, you have to also want HIM. You will get it figured out and it too will become much more than you ever thought it could be. A relationship with Christ is so much more than church on Sundays and family dinners after, but then you will have to experience it for yourself. Just trust it, fighting it is really a no win situation for reasons that you will learn later.

That lovely little silver-haired lady you think of so sweetly will not be around much longer. Cherish your grandmother! Spend as much time as you can with her because all too soon she will not be there when you turn to call or drop by to visit. She is the inspiration for so much of what you will do later in your life, keep your love for her fresh and living while she is still around. She will go peacefully and quietly one morning and you will regret not spending more time with her when you could. Know that feeling is common and there is never enough time when "no more" comes calling. Make the best of it now.

Your life is about to change in a drastic and wonderful way! There are things that will become a part of your normal everyday life that are only dreams to you now - Dreams you never thought to dream, come to think of it! Trying to explain it would only cause you to roll those brown eyes of yours and snort derisively. The work-a-day world lived in the city will some day be a distant memory, and the love you will have for the life you live will be overwhelming at times. Just remember to thank God for all you are given and in someway, figure out how to give a little back. None of it will ever seem to be enough to say what you feel in your heart, but trying anyway is what makes you me.

I hope that you will look back on your days at 25 and realize that all of those crazy lists you are making are nothing more than kindling for the real fire of your life. I realize those lists are really important now... I pray that you will look back on them and love how much they freed you in ways you never saw coming!

Sincerely,

Your Much Older Self

Dear 16 year old me...

It was my birthday earlier this week. I'm much older than 16, but then my husband might argue that point given my penchant for Top 40s music, ridiculously high platform heels and skinny jeans. Despite that fact, I thought it might be fun to reminisce about when I actually was 16 years old and what I might tell myself if I could send myself a letter... Not that I would listen to any of it. I was an exceedingly hard headed teen and not all that fun to be around. In fact, I might not even like me if I met me at this age... whoa. I think a little smoke came outta my ears...



Dear 16 year old me,

There are a few things your older self would like to let you know as you embark on this year, growing ever more adult. I realize that you will not actually listen to any of this, but it may give you pause for just a split second and that might indeed save your life!

First, let's talk about your car. I realize that you think the VW bug is the be-all and the end-all right now. Cherish it. It is the most quirky and fun memory you will have about driving unfettered from here on out. You will look back on your life in that car with fond memories for many years to come. The heater that fries your feet and yet won't defrost the windshield will become a source of joyous laughter later on. The fact that your Dad tries to teach you time and again how to maintain it will give you a sense of thankfulness when you have a man who will do those things for you. It will also give you a confidence in life that you would never guess... The fact that your purchased the entire car for $250 will be a source of fondness as well. Trust me, you will never have another running vehicle at that price again!

Your Mom is about to have a baby boy. He will be a great source of joy later in life, but right now, you will be far too self involved to make time for him. Understand that that choice will have consequences, but hopefully he will forgive you. That baby will grow into an incredibly intelligent, witty, caring man that will awe and entertain you. Take just a moment to look at him and appreciate that. Even though your first date will assume he is your baby, you can love him all the more.

There is a guy on the horizon that will not be as much fun. He will seem like a good time, but give him a couple of years and you will find that he is the snake everyone will try to warn you about. Rest assured you will grow immensely through this pain. You will come to appreciate your family in surprising ways when he breaks your heart and you will also be able to recognize his type later on. This is one of those things you have to weather, 16 year old me, but it is also one of the things that will make you a very strong individual who knows what she wants in a man. Um, trust me when I say, he is not it!

You will have a job soon. It will be a job, not a career. Enjoy it while it lasts and soak in all you can. You will look back on the environment with happiness and chalk up the experience as a decent one. It will be the source of great joy as it will introduce you to the land of high heeled shoes. There is no turning back from that love! You should try to remember, however, that you don't like the restaurant business and never ever attempt to wait tables for a living... You are really bad at it! Oh, wait... You will wait tables. And you will be very bad at it!

Take a good look around that school you attend. Yes, I know, "High school is so lame!" But really, it is the last chance you get before reality will set in for you and you will spend the rest of your days earning money. It has its pitfalls, to be sure, but it is truly the best time of your life. You have youth, energy, intelligence and very little responsibility. Do all you can, go to every dance, date, join clubs, try out for drama... The sun will set on these opportunities all too soon and you will look wistfully back and wish you hadn't been so intent on growing up so soon.

Your parents really do love you, although you are pretty sure they are about the most clueless set of humans on earth. In a few short years you will realize just how much they put up with to love you and how much you made them worry. Don't fret about it. Just say you're sorry and hug them. They will prove time and again that family will be there when everyone else turns away.

Most of all, 16 year old me, you should know you will be ok. You will turn out alright, you will resurrect certain dreams later on in life and you will find love. You will have children who love you and a husband that cherishes you. You would never believe me if I told you the amazing things you will do, so I will leave that for you to experience yourself. Just know that I look back on you with a wry smile and know that without you and your impetuousness, I wouldn't be the woman I am today!

Sincerely,

A Much Older Me

Southern Living...

I have a fixation with the Southern United States. I cannot explain it, it just is. I have always admired the sub-tropical area of my country from the time I could read about lands farther away than my back door.

There is just something to be said about the warmth, comfort and hospitality that seems to reside down there, amidst the magnolia, the azalea and the calendula...It is other-wordily, and yet it feels like home every time I am there.

My sister lives in the South... I am envious. But it does give me good cause to visit from time to time and breathe in the wonderfulness that resides there. Everything slows down, life seems to take on more meaning and the little things become so apparent I wonder why I didn't think of it sooner...

Because it is warm in the southern United States, there is more detail spent on the yards, the outdoor seating areas, the magnificent sub-tropical flora is planted and meant to be ejoyed. You spend more time out there, I love that! (I planted a hydrangea or two in hopes that I can relive a bit of that blooming splendor. We shall see how it weathers a Colorado high country winter...) The yards are meticulously kept and details like a decorated mail box aren't overlooked. So incredibly perfect!









(I want to live in this mailbox!)

There is something else about Southern Living that just keeps me wanting more... The People! Seriously, you just don't know hospitality until you have been down there and shared in a bar-b-que or a family gathering! It sure seems that Southerners have figured out that the finer things in life sum up in "folks". Your folks, my folks, the folks up the road... They take time to stop by, wave as you ride your bike down to the local farmer's market, say hello and complement your shoes. I know that most places have these practices, but in the warm sunshine and skin plumping humidity the Southern states just seem to have it perfected.

I must confess something - I love the food! Even being as food challenged as I am, I love southern cooking! I do have to be careful about the amount of fried and breaded things that are a Southern staple, but the time that is poured into each dish brought to a gathering leaves me sighing with sated glory! Baked macaroni and cheese was a foreign item to one grown up on boxed Mac'n'cheese. Not that I don't treasure my Grandmother teaching me how to make my own of an afternoon... But the crispy outer layer of real cheese and the gooey center of buttery yumminess - AAAAAHHHH! I can't hardly stand it! Even made with Gluten free Macaroni, it is to die for! It takes longer, but then that is another thing I love about the South.

Time not only slows down, there are moments it actually seems to stop... Bliss! To sit and watch ones kids enjoy their play in the pool, to share a drink and a snack with family and friends, these things you don't get to relive. These things you savor. Dinner out is meant to be enjoyed and experienced, not rushed through. Don't expect much of anything to be speedy in the lower 48... it just ain't gonna happen.

I am planning a trip to the Plantation Trace in Georgia and I cannot wait to see it through. I am not worried about being lost, someone will help me along. I am not worried about being hungry, there will be plenty of great things to eat. I am only concerned that the economy may slow my ability to get there before the beauty of fall passes.

The last thing to note about the south is something that is antithetical to most of us living in the upper 48... You don't leave without giving hugs! You may actually spend more time saying goodbye than you did at the gathering itself, but parting is a ritual that begs to be done with great contact and verve! So as I leave you with this post today, I give you a virtual hug....hhmmmmffff! and I bid you, "Y'all come back soon!"

If I hang it, they will come!

Yes, this is the long awaited aggravating post that I was talking about earlier this week... they're here! The humming birds have arrived (albeit a little later than I had thought they would) and they are quite the rowdy little bunch!

I was standing at the railing of my front porch, sipping my gin and ginger ale and contemplating the plan of attack on the growing weeds in my flower garden. I heard him before I saw him... That trilling, vibrating, thrilling hum of his wings as he approached and checked out the newly filled humming bird feeder I randomly hang after it gets knocked down during windy spells.

First, I must say, he checked ME out! Kinda worried me... If you have ever been checked out by a hummer, you have experienced a wonderful and harrowing experience. Those beaks look very pointy and needle-like! He hovered right in front of me, no more than 10 inches away and then he sped sideways to the feeder.



I had nothing to take pictures with... except the phone... So these are all courtesy of the Droid X, which still hasn't made its way completely back into the good graces of moi, but it came a long way with these pictures!



This may have actually been the female that followed the little male that first checked me out... I admit, I am not completely familiar with hummers and their particular foliage, as it were.



Plucky! And yes, they are very brave! I didn't have time to silence the shutter sound my phone makes taking pics, but it didn't seem to deter the gulping of nectar at all.



Ali, I know you have wanted to capture a great pic of a hummer and while these are crap pics with a lowly phone camera, I hope they will one day be enough to entice you to Colorado... It's not as hot here, and there's hardly any humidity, if that helps spur you on!



I love his little "bed head!"

Now each morning I hear the raucous calls of the little devils as it appears word has spread through the humming bird neighborhood that I have the "stuff!" They swirl and squawk, dive and feed, filling the kitchen with their trills and tweets and making me smile. Maybe one of these days I will get out there in time with a real camera...

Have a great day y'all!

Macro Monday.. My first!

Ok.. So those that know me know I don't claim to be a photog. Now I'm about to get all annoying and aggravating to those of you who are... Please forgive me.


I snapped this with what I had handy... The phone. Cute little dude, right? I have so much more... But I will just have to save it for tomorrow. Besides, my closest blog friends are going to be a little miffed at my next snaps.

They were rare deals... And all I had was the darned phone camera! Promise to still be my friend Ali?

Becoming...

Some days are easier than others... That much is certain. I have been inundated as of late with things that have me stretching... Stretching my time, stretching my resources, stretching my patience. And so I have just decided to settle in and get limber!

I have decided to become... It isn't a new concept. It just peeks it's head up every now and then in my life and I realize it is time once more to become something other than what I have been focused on up to now.

:+: I have decided to become flexible. I laugh at this. God isn't really giving me a choice right now. I better get flexible fast, or I just might break!

:+: I will become relaxed... if it kills me! My neck is doing this twisty-turny thing that is a fright first thing in the morning. It is painful and makes me want badly to be cranky. I know it is the manifestation of my stress levels getting way out of control. So I guess it is out the door with control... (eek)

:+: I will become a more consistent writer. This is something I think I can actually do! I have all the tools at my disposal, even if the studio is no where near finished... Still a lovely space until it becomes colder and so very inspiring when I sit there at the open window.

:+: I will become the mother and wife I have always wanted to be. That looks different from day to day, but I am willing to learn how to flex into that, to become a more malleable and lovable woman of great use!

:+: I will become more present. This is a tough one! I love my life, but often I am thinking way to far into the future to be effective today. So, I will pray through the anxiety, seek God when I have my "moments", and I will strive to become more mired in the here and now, instead of the "What ifs".

:+: I will become less informed. I have already started down this path. Sounds goofy, right? I mean, who wants to be less educated? Right now, I do. I have turned off the television in the morning, refuse to watch anything but local news stories and believe it or not, I am much happier for it. I realize this will be counter-intuitive to some of you... For my sanity's sake, it is a deal breaker. Cannot stand one more talking head gleefully reporting another market crash and another step toward the greatest depression of our life-time. Sorry, no can do!

These are my becomings... What are yours?