The Brown Zoo Tales

Changes

2012-01-12T08:31:00.001-07:00

For the past few weeks I have been struggling with something. Actually, I have been struggling with a lot of things, but one in particular keeps pestering me.

I have decided, at the prodding of my celestial Father and the well taken advice of some very good friends and family members, to start a blog called In My Writer Mind. It is an endeavor that is both challenging and simplifying for me and I intend to fully pursue it. I plan to take the two blogs I now write and consolidate them into the one. I have a creative mind that tends to make life very full up with lots to do and good things to pursue. Unfortunately, the powers that be have not invented time travel nor have they developed a time stopping device that would let me do all of this well. So in order to make things simpler I am asking you to follow along with me...

For those of you who keep up with The Bag Lady, I assure you she is alive and well inside of me! I will continue to tackle those hard Christian truths and concepts that I share from my own life. I feel truly blessed that God has allowed her to see the light of day and that He provided the money and the perseverance to publish her <a target="_blank" href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1615076794/ref=sr_1_1?p=random&ie=UTF8&qid=1326307277">book</a>. I also want to thank <a target="_blank" href="http://www.madlabstudio.net/about.html">Mad Labs</a> for the use of their painted image of the Bag Lady. They didn't have to grant me the permissions and I am indebted to them for that. My hope is that those of you who follow the Bag Lady, either through RSS feeds or Facebook will also find enjoyment in my new endeavor. I will continue to post the updates on my writing on her Facebook page so that you may follow along.

The Brown Zoo Tales has laid dormant since Thanksgiving and I just have not found the time to update it. I still have so much to say on the daily front that consolidating this blog with In My Writer Mind just seems logical. For those who follow Tales, I will keep the blog up in case you would like to read back articles, but this blog will go dormant as well. I would welcome any and all followers from this blog to the new one with open arms and a hearty "Hello!"

I sincerely hope that you will follow me on this amazing journey, writing more and becoming the woman God has created me to be. I have always enjoyed blogging, now it's time for me to choose to do it for all the right reasons!

Thank you!

Stacey

Changes

2012-01-11T11:56:00.001-07:00

For the past few weeks I have been struggling with something. Actually, I have been struggling with a lot of things, but one in particular keeps pestering me.

I have decided, at the prodding of my celestial Father and the well taken advice of some very good friends and family members, to start a blog called In My Writer Mind. It is an endeavor that is both challenging and simplifying for me and I intend to fully pursue it. I plan to take the two blogs I now write and consolidate them into the one. I have a creative mind that tends to make life very full up with lots to do and good things to pursue. Unfortunately, the powers that be have not invented time travel nor have they developed a time stopping device that would let me do all of this well. So in order to make things simpler I am asking you to follow along with me...

For those of you who keep up with The Bag Lady, I assure you she is alive and well inside of me! I will continue to tackle those hard Christian truths and concepts that I share from my own life. I feel truly blessed that God has allowed her to see the light of day and that He provided the money and the perseverance to publish her book. I also want to thank Mad Labs for the use of their painted image of the Bag Lady. They didn't have to grant me the permissions and I am indebted to them for that. My hope is that those of you who follow the Bag Lady, either through RSS feeds or Facebook will also find enjoyment in my new endeavor. I will continue to post the updates on my writing on her Facebook page so that you may follow along.

The Brown Zoo Tales has laid dormant since Thanksgiving and I just have not found the time to update it. I still have so much to say on the daily front that consolidating this blog with In My Writer Mind just seems logical. For those who follow Tales, I will keep the blog up in case you would like to read back articles, but this blog will go dormant as well. I would welcome any and all followers from this blog to the new one with open arms and a hearty "Hello!"

I sincerely hope that you will follow me on this amazing journey, writing more and becoming the woman God has created me to be. I have always enjoyed blogging, now it's time for me to choose to do it for all the right reasons!

Thank you!

Stacey
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Happy Thanksgiving and a list ....

2011-11-24T13:16:00.001-07:00

On this day where Americans take a moment to feast and enjoy the rigors of familial dynamics, I want to remember that while the turkey is delectable and the company entertaining, I have so much more to be thankful for!

* I am thankful for the provisions we have on a daily basis. When it seems we only have barely enough to get by I need to remember there are so many more who have nothing. I have been blessed with the measure of "just enough" and I will rejoice in that.

* I am thankful for my family: kids, husband, sisters, brothers, in laws, moms and dads... so many are left during the holidays feeling alone and lonely for their family or friends. I am generously equipped with both and find them a joy to be cherished.

* I am thankful that in this economy I am able to have a job, a means to feed my family and pay my bills. I will be thankful that the Lord stretches each penny to meet needs I didn't know I had. I am grateful that we can continue to live and work such an incredible life.

* I am thankful for my health and the health of my family. So many I know are struggling. To be blessed with the ability to move through my life with relative ease and comfort is something easily taken forgranted, but today I'm reminded that even that which rarely crosses my mind is a huge benefit. I am lucky to live in a culture and a country where health is generally promoted.

* I am thankful that I am able to write this post from the company of my husband. Although he's working today, I am grateful that we got to spend the day together. There are families that have Daddies in the middle East and far reaches in harms way. I am thankful for those that are called to serve and I will not dishonor their sacrifice by complaining about the lack of my own. If it weren't for them, I would not be free to be here today.

* Hardest for even myself to understand, I feel the need to be thankful today for the hard times. I need to bow my head and say thank you to my Lord for never coddling me. He hardens and hones me into a suitable sword by these momentary troubles he allows to touch my life. My God loves me enough to not leave me stagnant in my growth. He purifies and refines me in the fires of my life and it is those periods that remind me how much sweeter the good times are.

I hope that today found you in a thankful mood, counting your many blessings and sharing them with someone special. I love my life... I just need reminded every now and then exactly how good I have it.

Let it snow...

2011-11-21T09:27:00.001-07:00

With the onset of cooler weather in our part of the country I have been reminded that nothing is as exciting to kids as a snow day from school. I remember begging God in the wee hours of the morning to please let there be enough snow on the ground for the Superintendent to call school. The disappointment was never so raw as when Mom would explain that the dude who made the decision was from Ohio and there would rarely ever be a day he deemed bad enough to call off school on account of snow.

There were, however, a few days I remember in my life where the snow did come and with a fervor not seen in many years since! How is it that when we recall our youth things always seem bigger and more dramatic? I distinctly remember so much snow! I remember stepping out the back door and being knee deep and sometimes hip deep in the white stuff. Never mind that I was distinctly shorter than most of my compatriots... Yeah, we will conveniently leave that part out. I just remember the days we got to spend alternating reading by the wood burning stove and donning our outdoor gear to trudge out into the white frigid day.

We built snow men, we had snowball fights, we dug into all that heavy wet stuff and made forts. It was so much fun to be a kid back in that day. We would come in when our clothes got so wet it became unbearable. We would undress in front of the wood burning stove and lay out our mittens, socks and coats to dry by the roar of the fire. Hours later, after cocoa and a snack and maybe some reading we would don our ~~dry~~ drier gear and head right back out to finish some project we had started earlier. It was pure heaven!

These days my kids long for snow days not so much for the outdoor activities and the playing in the white stuff. They yearn for a few more hours sleep and more time in front of the "boxes" - Computer, television, etc. I get it - Things have changed. But I still remember having such an incredible time out there in the back yard, or the front yard...Heck just being out in it! There's still a part of me that laughs and dances an invisible jig when the snow starts to fly... "Snow Day!!!"

The Great Outdoors...

2011-11-12T10:02:00.001-07:00

As a kid in the '70s we did a lot of things for fun. I remember my first bike with the large green banana seat, I remember those incredibly dangerous and painful glass balls on a string that you knocked together until your mother begged you to stop or you smashed your finger between them, I remember Gun Smoke, Starsky and Hutch and Chips on the television, I remember the smell of a brand new box of Crayola Crayons and I always coveted the biggest box with the built in sharpener in the back, I remember roller skates on city sidewalks. As I said previously, I had a pretty cool childhood.

One of the most vivid and wryly wonderful memories I have would also be of the family camping trips we took as youngsters. Living in town all my life (until I married the Man, that is), I simply loved the trips in the car... Wait. I always got carsick... ahem. (And still do to this day, mind you.) Ok, so the getting there was riddled with strife, hoping desperately that the winding road and too many potato chips wouldn't revolt against my young stomach and re-present itself at the most inopportune of times. However, I do remember the wonderfully liberating feeling of climbing out of the cramped back seat and running around our campsite with my sister, exploring to the furthest allowable reaches until Mom called us in for peanut butter sandwiches, or better yet C-rations that were picked up at the Salvation Army Store. I loved the campfires and the roasted marshmallows in the fresh mountain air. I don't have a whit of recollection of how it felt to sleep on the ground, if I ever got cold or sore... It was just great to be a kid in the '70s when camping out was all the rage!

I was in awe of the Coleman stove and the funny smelling lantern that hissed and sputtered into life. There were sites with a creek in them, and while it was probably unnerving for my Mom, us kids always thought those sites were the best! Colorado creeks are never ever warm, so the water was not exactly inviting, but playing with little pieces of wood to float down the current kept us busy for hours. Until of course I had to go to the bathroom...

In that light I am suddenly reminded why it is I have never wanted to go camping in my adulthood. Yes, folks - I am an incompetent outdoors-woman who cannot manage to relieve herself outside without tinkling on her feet, shoes or no shoes. Sad but true. And to all of you helpful sort who think you can give me some advice, I remember as a child standing this way and that, uphill, downwind, etc., etc. Nothing ever seemed to stop the tragedy from happening. And from a gal who absolutely loves footwear, I cannot stand by and say I will ever camp again. My wonder filled childhood memories will have to do, as will camping at the Hyatt!

I think I need a shower now.... and a martini!

Reminiscing...

2011-11-10T16:14:00.001-07:00

I have started reading a book for research in my writing. It is called "A Secret Gift," and it is about the gift of one man to one hundred fifty inhabitants of Canton, Ohio during the Depression just days before Christmas in 1933. He gave them a mere $5, but in those times it was an amount that was the difference between eating for a week or nothing. As you can imagine, the content is incredible and moving and has invoked in me the memories of the sheltered bliss of my own childhood. I am definitely not intimating that my childhood was any where near as stress-filled or anguished as those who survived the greatest economic downfall of our time (so far). And for those who like to poke fun, no I am not that old either! It just has me thinking very fondly about the times I didn't have so much on my plate and things just seemed simpler. So I have decided to start a project.

Yes, you guessed it, I am about to inflict upon you a blog project in which I get all misty and gushy over things I remember in my youth - distant as it may be! I have quite a few it seems that flood into my memory just begging to be looked over again and relived, if only just a little.

I have spoken here many times of my Grandmother and her influence in my life. She was a survivor of that same Depression I am reading about. This book has brought many things to mind for me and much clarity about her that I had not had before. Most of which stems directly from the practice these folks all seem to have of not lamenting about their circumstances. It is incredible to me, in my observations of my generation and the Y-gen coming hot on my heels, that they so stoically weathered whatever fate seemed to fall flat in their laps. They didn't cry foul, they didn't slump in their boots, hand out in expectation, they didn't even ask much of the time for the basic necessities of life. They just accepted that times were tough, everyone was in the same boat and they got very resourceful about how to handle it.

Those that did survive the incredibly difficult life of the '30s and early '40s came out marred, but stronger for it. Not all of them found their way out of poverty, but those that did retained a vivid memory of what that time was like. They saved, they lived frugally within a set of means, and they rocked on! My grandmother was one of them. She never ever forgot what living through that was like. She remembered the hunger, the need and the humility and she lived with a healthy fear of returning to that state. She believed that bathing was more important than the latest fashion because it was the least you could do. I remember her saying, "There is no shame in being ragged, there is only shame in being dirty." She reveled in the luxuries of life like mayonnaise, white sugar and M&M candies. And she loved her house.

I spent many days with Gramma at her home. My mother was a single Mom in my early years and I was lucky enough to spend my days in the arms of my Grandmother while Mom supported two girls, working at the local grocery. I loved that house! It was cool in the summer, warm in the winter and some of my earliest memories are recalled sitting in her "front room," wrapped in my security blanket napping on the sofa with the plastic covered arms.

Grandma's house was the land of many treats. There were M&Ms in the ceramic "CREAM" jar, Oreo Cookies in the cookie jar, Oranges and Apples in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator and often homemade popsicles in the freezer. Gramma was not the best of cooks, leaning on the theory that if it's brown it's cookin', if it's black, it's done! But I loved her chocolate chip cookies with the crispy edges and always just a little too much butter. Grandma was a huge patron of store bought ice cream and once made my youngest Uncle trod to the grocery to get more of the treat because he ate the last of it and I didn't have any. (I was not very popular with my teenage Uncle that day!)

I loved playing endlessly in the front room, blocks stacked here and there, Lincoln logs strewn about and many a baby doll lounging half dressed in attendance. Gramma always let me keep the television on and I watched endless reruns of "The Little Rascals," "The Brady Bunch," along with Looney Toones cartoons. She was patient with me and my sibling sister. We were rarely disciplined, but when we were it was crushing. Not because Gramma was harsh, on the contrary - We simply knew we had truly unraveled her last nerve!

Grandma's was where I first used a typewriter, read my first book, learned to love having my feet tickled and made my first mud pies. I loved it there. I miss her still and occasionally find myself longing to pick up the phone and tell her of my day. She never would have believed I own buffalo!

I remember the smell of wood polish, the sounds of the floorboards creaking and the dark upper hallway where I would set up my "office" to play secretary. The shocking Fire-alarm-like sound of the wall telephone would jolt me in my little chair and I would squeak out a yelp every time... It was Awesome! To this day, I love houses with the smooth white plasterboard walls and dark stained trim. It just brings it all back to me.

I had a wonderful childhood, sheltered from the stress and strife I notice my kids are growing up in. I didn't worry about the rent, or how much thing cost. I was coddled that way. It was a good time to be a kid in the 70's and I am very grateful for the time I spent with my Grandparents. Where my mother taught me how to be strong and resilient, my Grandparents taught me about frugal living and gentle spirits. I treasure both lessons deep in my soul.

Studio Update

2011-11-06T17:50:00.001-07:00

Yes, folks. I have given up on my other blog editor and finally just paid for an app that might at least allow me to complete some posts I have had floating about in my head... Frustrating that I have had to wait this long!

I have been dying to get my studio up and running, but in the land of do-it-your-selfers there is just nothing to be done abut it. I am at the mercy of the schedules of others and it makes me a little nutty! Especially since I am so very close.... Have a look:

I have a door now. It opens and shuts and even locks! Pretty cool...

I have studs! Ones that hold up paneling and insulation eventually...

I refinished this fixture. It was one of those older brass fixtures generously donated by a friend of my project. Some Rustoleum spray paint and an afternoon commitment and I have a much mo modern fixture just waiting to be hung...

These are my red-neck window screens. Soo easy, once I finally figured it that silly staple gun thingy! Now I can open the windows without being dive bombed by the mud daubers...

And last but definitely to least, I have been "stubbed in." Sounds ominous, I know, but it just means that the studio itself is wired and ready to have power tied into it. This is the hardest thing to take above all... I have my little infrared heater bought and I have my coffee maker ready as well.... I just need some men folk with time to finish this bad boy!

When I'm 64...

2011-11-02T10:44:00.001-06:00

Ok... Last one, I promise! This will be the last birthday month post for a year or so. (And this one is two days delayed because of stupid app crashes!)

I think when you turn 40 there is a general tendency to take inventory. You begin to look at your life differently and with more clarity. The years of hormonally driven youth melt away and you are left to boil down what's left to the things that really matter. I have been caught doing that more and more. Hopefully, I am less driven by my emotions and more likely to quietly contemplate my response BEFORE I blurt it out.

The Beatles did a song, many moons ago, entitled, "When I'm 64..." It is more of a love song about will you still love me when I am old, wrinkly and need more care than is comfortable? While that is a valid question, I wanted to do a post on what I want at age 64... Because we all know, it is all about me!

* I want to dance! (Still...) I don't want to be a sedentary mass in a rocking chair somewhere, unless that chair is a rockin"! I want to be tapping my toes, spinning about wildly and generally making my kids cringe with fear that Mom's about to break a hip! I want to feel the enjoyment I get out of the sounds of life and youth, long after that youth has eluded me. I doubt I will feel any less youthful at 64 than I do today, but I do want to have my grandkids look at me and ask this old lady to dance!

* I'd like peeps not to know I am 64, truth be told. I want to be one of those ladies that you know HAS to be of a certain age, but you just can't seem to pin her down. I vowed once I turned 40 to quit aging. I am eternally celebrating my 40th... Hopefully, those who do know me well enough will keep my secrets. Medical miracles, tiny little injections and hair color are amazing tools I plan to use to the fullest!

* I want to keep up with the techies... I know this as part of my personality very well and I doubt it will be hard to do. There are just things that make me grin from ear to ear and technology is one of them. I simply hope that in my busy life I don't fall out of sync with the newest little gadget that keeps me young at mind!

* I want to savor my life. Right now, things seem to go by at breakneck speed and I am often caught just going through the motions. Obviously I want to get this started sooner than 64, but I do want to develop a habit of savoring my moments, no matter what they are. To some this may sound like "smell the roses," but I would beg to differ. I also want to savor (in a way) those things that are not always thought about as pleasant. Without the difficulties, the trials and yes, the pain, life gets very bland. If I didn't have hard times in my life, I would not be able to truly revel in the easy times. It takes having both to truly appreciate the other. I am not trying to be morose here, quite the opposite. I want to start looking at my life's challenges through a different set of lenses. I want to savor every day, because it is God given and I have a choice. I can be unhappy and unpleasant to be around, or I can choose to savor the moment for the growth it will create and move through it looking for the good that will come out of it.

* Along those same lines, I want to cherish those around me. So often I am guilty of taking my family, friends and co-workers for granted. I need to stop that! I want to truly convey the love and the enjoyment I get from each individual that graces my life with their presences. I want to go to my Lord knowing I left no "I love you" unsaid, no hug unbestowed, no hand left unheld. I want the people in my life to know that though we may not have always agreed, I loved them for who they were and appreciated their choice of me as an accompaniment. Fact is, peeps don't have to choose me, and when they do, I should cherish their friendship, love ... whatever they happen to give. It is the people in my life that make it worth living.

Thanks for putting up with my birthday month... I have always been a celebrator! I promise not to mention it for another 11 months... maybe.

Dear 25 Year Old Me...

2011-10-21T15:36:00.001-06:00

Dear 25 Year Old Me...

In keeping with my birthday month, I have another letter. This one is to myself on the verge of so many huge life altering choices. But then, isn't that what your twenties is all about? Finally figuring out that you don't know it all, discerning who you actually want to be and determining a path to get there.

Dear 25 Year Old Me,

It has been a bit since my last letter to you. I hope that this one finds you more willing to take a look inside and maybe save yourself some heartache in the end. It is unlikely, but a gal can hope! Just like your parents are suddenly seeming to make more sense these days, maybe you can read this letter from yourself and take in more than you did last time, oh "Impetuous One!"

That desperate feeling you have most days is completely normal. It is called a biological clock and yours is set on high. I would love to tell you to take a minute, slow down, smell the roses - but I know that you won't. You are on a mission to complete some warped check list of life goals. That's ok. It will hit you one day rather soon, that your list is missing some pretty important factors. I'll let you figure that out all by yourself. Just rest a little and know that things are about to change in a big way.

For instance, you are just a few short months away from meeting your soon to be husband. He will not be the guy you thought you were looking for, he will be so much more. There will be obstacles to overcome, heart break to work through, but in the end you will marry and find a partner you can't imagine being without. He will be your perfect counterpart, calm to your storm and so very much in love with you. You will often wonder how it was that God gave you such a partner - don't question it, just be very thankful! Remember that marriage is what happens after the wedding and it is ALOT of hard work. It is also rewarding work, if you stick with it.

There is another person waiting in the wings for you to be won over. He is also your perfect partner in some ways. Most of all, He is the perfect Lord. Yes, I know... You have steered clear of all that religious fanaticism for a very long time now and you can't imagine that you will ever go back. Your future husband will explain, however, that if you want him, you have to also want HIM. You will get it figured out and it too will become much more than you ever thought it could be. A relationship with Christ is so much more than church on Sundays and family dinners after, but then you will have to experience it for yourself. Just trust it, fighting it is really a no win situation for reasons that you will learn later.

That lovely little silver-haired lady you think of so sweetly will not be around much longer. Cherish your grandmother! Spend as much time as you can with her because all too soon she will not be there when you turn to call or drop by to visit. She is the inspiration for so much of what you will do later in your life, keep your love for her fresh and living while she is still around. She will go peacefully and quietly one morning and you will regret not spending more time with her when you could. Know that feeling is common and there is never enough time when "no more" comes calling. Make the best of it now.

Your life is about to change in a drastic and wonderful way! There are things that will become a part of your normal everyday life that are only dreams to you now - Dreams you never thought to dream, come to think of it! Trying to explain it would only cause you to roll those brown eyes of yours and snort derisively. The work-a-day world lived in the city will some day be a distant memory, and the love you will have for the life you live will be overwhelming at times. Just remember to thank God for all you are given and in someway, figure out how to give a little back. None of it will ever seem to be enough to say what you feel in your heart, but trying anyway is what makes you me.

I hope that you will look back on your days at 25 and realize that all of those crazy lists you are making are nothing more than kindling for the real fire of your life. I realize those lists are really important now... I pray that you will look back on them and love how much they freed you in ways you never saw coming!

Sincerely,

Your Much Older Self

Dear 16 year old me...

2011-10-14T07:30:00.001-06:00

It was my birthday earlier this week. I'm much older than 16, but then my husband might argue that point given my penchant for Top 40s music, ridiculously high platform heels and skinny jeans. Despite that fact, I thought it might be fun to reminisce about when I actually was 16 years old and what I might tell myself if I could send myself a letter... Not that I would listen to any of it. I was an exceedingly hard headed teen and not all that fun to be around. In fact, I might not even like me if I met me at this age... whoa. I think a little smoke came outta my ears...

Dear 16 year old me,

There are a few things your older self would like to let you know as you embark on this year, growing ever more adult. I realize that you will not actually listen to any of this, but it may give you pause for just a split second and that might indeed save your life!

First, let's talk about your car. I realize that you think the VW bug is the be-all and the end-all right now. Cherish it. It is the most quirky and fun memory you will have about driving unfettered from here on out. You will look back on your life in that car with fond memories for many years to come. The heater that fries your feet and yet won't defrost the windshield will become a source of joyous laughter later on. The fact that your Dad tries to teach you time and again how to maintain it will give you a sense of thankfulness when you have a man who will do those things for you. It will also give you a confidence in life that you would never guess... The fact that your purchased the entire car for $250 will be a source of fondness as well. Trust me, you will never have another running vehicle at that price again!

Your Mom is about to have a baby boy. He will be a great source of joy later in life, but right now, you will be far too self involved to make time for him. Understand that that choice will have consequences, but hopefully he will forgive you. That baby will grow into an incredibly intelligent, witty, caring man that will awe and entertain you. Take just a moment to look at him and appreciate that. Even though your first date will assume he is your baby, you can love him all the more.

There is a guy on the horizon that will not be as much fun. He will seem like a good time, but give him a couple of years and you will find that he is the snake everyone will try to warn you about. Rest assured you will grow immensely through this pain. You will come to appreciate your family in surprising ways when he breaks your heart and you will also be able to recognize his type later on. This is one of those things you have to weather, 16 year old me, but it is also one of the things that will make you a very strong individual who knows what she wants in a man. Um, trust me when I say, he is not it!

You will have a job soon. It will be a job, not a career. Enjoy it while it lasts and soak in all you can. You will look back on the environment with happiness and chalk up the experience as a decent one. It will be the source of great joy as it will introduce you to the land of high heeled shoes. There is no turning back from that love! You should try to remember, however, that you don't like the restaurant business and never ever attempt to wait tables for a living... You are really bad at it! Oh, wait... You will wait tables. And you will be very bad at it!

Take a good look around that school you attend. Yes, I know, "High school is so lame!" But really, it is the last chance you get before reality will set in for you and you will spend the rest of your days earning money. It has its pitfalls, to be sure, but it is truly the best time of your life. You have youth, energy, intelligence and very little responsibility. Do all you can, go to every dance, date, join clubs, try out for drama... The sun will set on these opportunities all too soon and you will look wistfully back and wish you hadn't been so intent on growing up so soon.

Your parents really do love you, although you are pretty sure they are about the most clueless set of humans on earth. In a few short years you will realize just how much they put up with to love you and how much you made them worry. Don't fret about it. Just say you're sorry and hug them. They will prove time and again that family will be there when everyone else turns away.

Most of all, 16 year old me, you should know you will be ok. You will turn out alright, you will resurrect certain dreams later on in life and you will find love. You will have children who love you and a husband that cherishes you. You would never believe me if I told you the amazing things you will do, so I will leave that for you to experience yourself. Just know that I look back on you with a wry smile and know that without you and your impetuousness, I wouldn't be the woman I am today!

Sincerely,

A Much Older Me

Southern Living...

2011-10-01T11:37:00.002-06:00

I have a fixation with the Southern United States. I cannot explain it, it just is. I have always admired the sub-tropical area of my country from the time I could read about lands farther away than my back door.

There is just something to be said about the warmth, comfort and hospitality that seems to reside down there, amidst the magnolia, the azalea and the calendula...It is other-wordily, and yet it feels like home every time I am there.

My sister lives in the South... I am envious. But it does give me good cause to visit from time to time and breathe in the wonderfulness that resides there. Everything slows down, life seems to take on more meaning and the little things become so apparent I wonder why I didn't think of it sooner...

Because it is warm in the southern United States, there is more detail spent on the yards, the outdoor seating areas, the magnificent sub-tropical flora is planted and meant to be ejoyed. You spend more time out there, I love that! (I planted a hydrangea or two in hopes that I can relive a bit of that blooming splendor. We shall see how it weathers a Colorado high country winter...) The yards are meticulously kept and details like a decorated mail box aren't overlooked. So incredibly perfect!

(I want to live in this mailbox!)

There is something else about Southern Living that just keeps me wanting more... The People! Seriously, you just don't know hospitality until you have been down there and shared in a bar-b-que or a family gathering! It sure seems that Southerners have figured out that the finer things in life sum up in "folks". Your folks, my folks, the folks up the road... They take time to stop by, wave as you ride your bike down to the local farmer's market, say hello and complement your shoes. I know that most places have these practices, but in the warm sunshine and skin plumping humidity the Southern states just seem to have it perfected.

I must confess something - I love the food! Even being as food challenged as I am, I love southern cooking! I do have to be careful about the amount of fried and breaded things that are a Southern staple, but the time that is poured into each dish brought to a gathering leaves me sighing with sated glory! Baked macaroni and cheese was a foreign item to one grown up on boxed Mac'n'cheese. Not that I don't treasure my Grandmother teaching me how to make my own of an afternoon... But the crispy outer layer of real cheese and the gooey center of buttery yumminess - AAAAAHHHH! I can't hardly stand it! Even made with Gluten free Macaroni, it is to die for! It takes longer, but then that is another thing I love about the South.

Time not only slows down, there are moments it actually seems to stop... Bliss! To sit and watch ones kids enjoy their play in the pool, to share a drink and a snack with family and friends, these things you don't get to relive. These things you savor. Dinner out is meant to be enjoyed and experienced, not rushed through. Don't expect much of anything to be speedy in the lower 48... it just ain't gonna happen.

I am planning a trip to the Plantation Trace in Georgia and I cannot wait to see it through. I am not worried about being lost, someone will help me along. I am not worried about being hungry, there will be plenty of great things to eat. I am only concerned that the economy may slow my ability to get there before the beauty of fall passes.

The last thing to note about the south is something that is antithetical to most of us living in the upper 48... You don't leave without giving hugs! You may actually spend more time saying goodbye than you did at the gathering itself, but parting is a ritual that begs to be done with great contact and verve! So as I leave you with this post today, I give you a virtual hug....hhmmmmffff! and I bid you, "Y'all come back soon!"

If I hang it, they will come!

2011-08-24T17:51:00.001-06:00

Yes, this is the long awaited aggravating post that I was talking about earlier this week... they're here! The humming birds have arrived (albeit a little later than I had thought they would) and they are quite the rowdy little bunch!

I was standing at the railing of my front porch, sipping my gin and ginger ale and contemplating the plan of attack on the growing weeds in my flower garden. I heard him before I saw him... That trilling, vibrating, thrilling hum of his wings as he approached and checked out the newly filled humming bird feeder I randomly hang after it gets knocked down during windy spells.

First, I must say, he checked ME out! Kinda worried me... If you have ever been checked out by a hummer, you have experienced a wonderful and harrowing experience. Those beaks look very pointy and needle-like! He hovered right in front of me, no more than 10 inches away and then he sped sideways to the feeder.

I had nothing to take pictures with... except the phone... So these are all courtesy of the Droid X, which still hasn't made its way completely back into the good graces of moi, but it came a long way with these pictures!

This may have actually been the female that followed the little male that first checked me out... I admit, I am not completely familiar with hummers and their particular foliage, as it were.

Plucky! And yes, they are very brave! I didn't have time to silence the shutter sound my phone makes taking pics, but it didn't seem to deter the gulping of nectar at all.

Ali, I know you have wanted to capture a great pic of a hummer and while these are crap pics with a lowly phone camera, I hope they will one day be enough to entice you to Colorado... It's not as hot here, and there's hardly any humidity, if that helps spur you on!

I love his little "bed head!"

Now each morning I hear the raucous calls of the little devils as it appears word has spread through the humming bird neighborhood that I have the "stuff!" They swirl and squawk, dive and feed, filling the kitchen with their trills and tweets and making me smile. Maybe one of these days I will get out there in time with a real camera...

Have a great day y'all!

Macro Monday.. My first!

2011-08-22T18:57:00.001-06:00

Ok.. So those that know me know I don't claim to be a photog. Now I'm about to get all annoying and aggravating to those of you who are... Please forgive me.

I snapped this with what I had handy... The phone. Cute little dude, right? I have so much more... But I will just have to save it for tomorrow. Besides, my closest blog friends are going to be a little miffed at my next snaps.

They were rare deals... And all I had was the darned phone camera! Promise to still be my friend Ali?

Becoming...

2011-08-22T09:54:00.001-06:00

Some days are easier than others... That much is certain. I have been inundated as of late with things that have me stretching... Stretching my time, stretching my resources, stretching my patience. And so I have just decided to settle in and get limber!

I have decided to become... It isn't a new concept. It just peeks it's head up every now and then in my life and I realize it is time once more to become something other than what I have been focused on up to now.

:+: I have decided to become flexible. I laugh at this. God isn't really giving me a choice right now. I better get flexible fast, or I just might break!

:+: I will become relaxed... if it kills me! My neck is doing this twisty-turny thing that is a fright first thing in the morning. It is painful and makes me want badly to be cranky. I know it is the manifestation of my stress levels getting way out of control. So I guess it is out the door with control... (eek)

:+: I will become a more consistent writer. This is something I think I can actually do! I have all the tools at my disposal, even if the studio is no where near finished... Still a lovely space until it becomes colder and so very inspiring when I sit there at the open window.

:+: I will become the mother and wife I have always wanted to be. That looks different from day to day, but I am willing to learn how to flex into that, to become a more malleable and lovable woman of great use!

:+: I will become more present. This is a tough one! I love my life, but often I am thinking way to far into the future to be effective today. So, I will pray through the anxiety, seek God when I have my "moments", and I will strive to become more mired in the here and now, instead of the "What ifs".

:+: I will become less informed. I have already started down this path. Sounds goofy, right? I mean, who wants to be less educated? Right now, I do. I have turned off the television in the morning, refuse to watch anything but local news stories and believe it or not, I am much happier for it. I realize this will be counter-intuitive to some of you... For my sanity's sake, it is a deal breaker. Cannot stand one more talking head gleefully reporting another market crash and another step toward the greatest depression of our life-time. Sorry, no can do!

These are my becomings... What are yours?

Rogue Buffalo: Another Ranch Land Adventure

2011-08-20T09:25:00.001-06:00

I was getting ready for a trip to town. Groceries needed purchased, or I was pretty sure that the kids would lock me out on the front porch and not let me in until I produced a sufficient amount of food to nosh. My phone rang... It was The Man.

"Hello?"
"Hi... Whadda ya up to?" (Standard question always asked by the Man when there is trouble afoot.)
"Getting ready for town... Why?" (Standard question asked by me when I know that I am about to be embroiled in such trouble.)
"Buffalo are out. Don't know where they are, but I have an idea. Keep your phone close. I will need you to come open a gate with Rafael when we find them."
"OK."

So much for leaving "first thing," but I wasn't discouraged... This should only take an hour - TOPS! (ahem...)

Yes, that's them... The "girls" decided they would take full advantage of the heavy rain storm that left the main gate to the buffalo arena wide open. They worked tirelessly all night on the knot in the rope that kept their pen closed and once they had that undone, it was off to the races!

After the initial blunder of opening one gate, only to miss an open gate directly across the road, I knew that groceries in the morning hours would have to be a distant memory. These gals were on a high lope across a pasture that was largely wide open. The chase was on...

Two and a half hours of pursuit later, these silly geese had us fully aware of how many farmers vs ranchers we have in the neighborhood. The "Angels" sniffed out every open gate, run down fence line and wide open oat field to explore, all with the accompaniment of The Man and his Trusty Assistant on horse back hot on their swishy little tails. I am convinced they thought it great fun!

We (meaning the Man and Trusty Assistant), finally got the rogues headed back toward home. They made it a full two and a half to three miles away from our property and their waiting water tanks. By the time they complied with the homeward effort, they were parched and done with the fun of it all.

On the way back to the ranch, I had the hired man in the car and it was our job to drive the route home and shut each open gate along the way, preventing further adventures of the Buffalo Gals. Let it be said, we only missed one... Apologies to the farmers and their oat fields.

They look all too happy with themselves, don't they?

Groceries would have to wait another day, I am afraid. I did however stumble upon a very nicely faked recipe for smothered pork chops that the whole family thought yummy. I was allowed to live another day... As long as I produced groceries within twelve hours!

How did your week go?

Blissfully yours...

2011-08-11T13:12:00.001-06:00

I am grinning at myself.... Rather smugly, I might add. It is a silly thing, really. I am typing this from the rather bare surroundings of my studio. The walls are not finished, there isn't any electric and the only furniture is a wobbly card table and one lone chair. There really isn't much progress (else you would be seeing pictures, for sure) but I decided that I would not waste such a glorious space by writing my next blog post in it!

As I sit here, the breeze from the open windows confirms what I knew would be a comfortable seating. I am neither too hot, nor too cold. The flies that are buzzing through my unscreened windows aren't even bothering me terribly. The smell of cut lumber piled diligently behind me is soothing and puts a smile on my face as I stare out into the open meadow. From this vantage I cannot see another house or car. There is peace here in the quiet of my studio. The feel of it is exactly as I had hoped it would be.

Rarely these days do things turn out to be exactly as hoped. I feel very blessed and yes, a little spoiled. My husband grinned at me as I lugged the card table and chair out to my happy den. He gets me, he really does. He didn't ask what I was doing, he knew. I have gone to my happy place and all is well with my soul.

As much as I am reveling in the blissfulness of the studio, I am also wondering how some of my friends abroad are doing. They are, themselves, not in the fray but they may have loved ones and friends who are. My heart goes out to them. The feelings of helplessness and anger cannot be easy weights to bear when they are so far away. My prayers go out to them.

My to-do list ticks off in my head: A clinic to get organized, phone calls to make, the last of school supplies to buy... And I am once again back in the land of the living. Last week, I could barely get myself out of bed, the depression was so stark and unrelenting. Today it is as if the cool crisp morning air has jumpstarted my drive once more. Husband is so right when he literally shoves me up out of bed and tells me to get off my duff and DO something. As callus as that sounds, it is exactly what I have to hear if I am to keep going. The hardest thing about my depression is how stagnancy builds on me, miring me deeper and deeper, until I cannot move for the weight of it. It makes it incredibly hard to break free and just DO something.

My new phone is sitting in its FedEx box, staring at me defiantly. I have to set it up, AGAIN... If I let myself get angry about that I might actually ruin my awesome mood. Not yet. At least I have the darned thing before there is a cost to me... Still under warranty. Let's hope this one works more than two months before crapping out.

Pogo is panting at my feet, also enjoying the confines of the studio with what looks suspiciously like a grin on his face. When the Mommy's happy, Pogo's happy! Note to self: Will need a dog bed in studio for His Highness.

I am content... I hope you have a marvelous rest of your week!

Silent Sunday

2011-07-31T14:51:00.001-06:00

Here comes the rain...

2011-07-24T14:44:00.001-06:00

From The Brown's Zoo Tales

It's raining... Thank you, Lord! It is raining HARD and I am rejoicing in the very depths of my heart over it. All too soon it will pass and the humidity will climb and I will again long for the sound of the drops pinging off the roof of my studio, clambering down the gutters of the house and coursing throughout the bar ditches.

The seat of my bicycle will be soaked, but I don't care. Thunder rolls in the distance and gets closer with the torrential falling of drops. My dog claws at my legs, panicked at the sound of the booming, while I type and smile. The sounds must be so much more vibrant and scary to them with the four legs, he is shaking so.

When I was small, I used to be terribly afraid of thunderstorms. I distinctly remember a late night storm that coursed through our city, blowing up the large trees in the nearby park with lighting strikes. It was terrible to behold and I recall crying long into the night, fearful that the lightning would find me and turn our home to ash. I would count at the flash of lightning, "One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three...." as the storm came closer, listening for the boom of thunder not far behind. Someone had told me that was how many miles away the apex of the storm was and I clung to that, desperate for solace in the dark. It was terrifying when I couldn't even get out one 'Mississippi' before the crash of thunder bellowed angrily around me, and then none too soon it all began to move off.

The things that are so terribly scary and loom large over our psyches as a child, can turn to such welcome afternoons spent as an adult admiring the perfection of God. I welcome the rain as our gift for the fields, a day I don't have to water the flowers, a cooling off of my overheated heart. Everything seems renewed after a good scrubbing of raindrops. Life smells better, feels more doable after the rain.

Even now the storm is moving on, the rain coming in fits and spurts. The thunder is rolling away and the dog is panting below my chair, semi-content that I am not worried over the loudness while he still shakes uncontrollably. I love afternoons like this one... Looking forward to the washed, new world.

What I've been up to...

2011-07-14T16:56:00.001-06:00

Yup... It's here! And I'm so freaking excited!!! Ahem... There is a huge amount of work to be done before my studio is a living, breathing, usable space. If I am absent from my blogs you have confidence of where I'm located... I'm on a ladder or on my hands and knees making this little space inhabitable.

Check it out...

The day it arrived... Still on the trailer.

Pulling it almost to its final resting spot.

Holding my breath while they off-load

Back wall where the card room will go

Seating area where futon will rest...

My writing desk will go here...

Front door and side lights... It is actually very light and airy. Not dungeon like at all!

I hope to keep the updates coming as I get closer to completion and move-in! Yay!

Far, Far Away

2011-06-27T09:36:00.002-06:00

When I was a kid, every afternoon on the public broadcast station there was a show geared to school-aged children called Zoom. It was an innovative program that showcased all the cast as kids my age doing experiments, reading stories, generally learning about all manner of things. At the very end of each episode there was always a call for the pen-pal program that Zoom sponsored. I watched and fretted and wondered what I would say and eventually, I sent in my name and address to be paired up with someone. I must admit, at the ripe age of nine, I was a bit cynical that I would end up with a pen-pal from Kansas, instead of some far off land as I had hoped.

I waited for what seemed like ages and I finally received my packet of information for a little girl in... (Insert drum roll here) Surrey, England! Her name was Mica and she was actually of East Indian decent. We exchanged letters and little gifts and we kept this up right until she headed out to "university". She was going to study medicine and informed me that our letters would probably stop there as she was anticipating crushing hours of study. I was sad, but I got it. Med school was way over my academic head and I could only imagine the hours she would be chained to her desk.

I still remember the incredible surge of excitement I would get when a letter would come in the mail with all those funny postmarks and interesting stamps of Queen 'Liz... I saved them well into my twenties. Come to think of it, they may be in a box underneath the house somewhere.

Blogging has brought back a lot of those wonderful memories for me. I can connect with people from all over the globe and I can learn about all manner of interesting cultures and traditions. It speaks to the excited kid in me. And just yesterday, I have to tell you, I did a very juvenile little "happy-dance" in my dining room as I brought in the box that was waiting so patiently in my oversized mail box from Saturday. (Yes, I actually left the box all alone in my mail box for TWO days before I retrieved it...Urg!) I have a blog-friend, not to be confused with boy-friend, who lives in Garrods Hill, England (I think that is how I am supposed to read the return post), and she sent me the winnings from her blogiversary contest she held earlier this month! It was the same excitement I felt as a little girl getting to open a package from so far away...

Ok, yes, I am a complete dork! The package contained the following:
Lovely little babushka-doll-paper wrapped around each gift and a willowy whisp of a girl card with a hand-written sentiment from my friend...

And inside the packages, viola!

As I sit here this morning, enjoying my coffee in my new mug, lovely union jack pennants draped invitingly around its perimeter, I wonder where Mica is. I wonder how she fared in the grueling throngs of med-school students and if she ever recalls the awkward over-enthusiastic pen-pal from Colorado that used to ask her all manner of inane questions.

I am so very thankful and awed by the people that I have met here in the blogiverse. You have made me feel welcome, unique, distinctly inept at times with your amazing photog skills and yet, always inspired to be more. It is with this swelling feeling of more that I leave you today. What might you do to make someone's day a little more?

I was wondering...

2011-06-25T09:21:00.002-06:00

From The Brown's Zoo Tales

... why do things break or mis-function when Man leaves town? aka - I hate my dishwasher.
... what possible function do allergies serve? Seriously? I have heard of a little plumping up of your lips to beautify yourself, but I doubt seriously if swollen red eyes and raw red nose are attractive!
... do hydrangeas only bloom once? Mine have had blooms on one plant for a long time, the other is flat lazy I think! Hasn't bothered to do anything, like it is waiting on the other to finish to say, "Eh, I could've done better."
...when one yanks off the drawer front to ones kitchen drawer in a fit of rage at ones dishwasher, shouldn't one first find out where the nail gun is to repair it?
... why do I always see hummingbirds when the feeder has blown off the window and I have been too preoccupied to set it back up?
...what God was planning when he made babies so doggoned adorable? I simply love the littlest of them. I'm not a toddler-phile, not a child adore-er, I love babies, the ones that simply sit in your arms, unable to bite, claw at you, beg for things, or tell you how much you suck. Hmmm... my motives are showing.
...when will my lovely package from afar arrive? Probably when I need it most to cheer me up. Most likely when I am not home next week to receive it! Harumph... (Insert self pity party here)
...does anyone else love the feeling of anticipation like I do? I am anticipating the aforementioned package, a wonderful trip with girlies to LV, the completion of one writing/crafting studio and a trip alone with husband to Oklahoma... ok, well maybe I'm not anticipating the trip as much as the alone. (Insert industrial grade deodorant here along with enough water and Gatorade to drown a cow.)
...is there a great, not just marginal but great, website out there that identifies bird that come to my feeder? I have some very interesting fellers that frequent just outside my kitchen window, but no knack for identifying them with any success.
...are hobbies classified as illness when one has so many of them? And when one wants to add more?
... does grass ever miraculously mow itself? Mine has decided to mimic the jungles of Borneo...
...does anyone else fear asking children to weed to find their garden picked clean in a fit of spite?
...why does Google change my pictures into blurry fuzzy crap until I repost them direct from Picasa? very aggravating and foolish. Makes me want to use another service... Hint, hint, Google Gods.

From The Brown's Zoo Tales

Who is she?

2011-06-21T20:44:00.002-06:00

From The Brown's Zoo Tales

I am high heels and cowboy boots. I am reality television and English historical novels. I am eyeliner and mascara with very little makeup. I am raucous laughter and solemn stares. I am fierce loyalty and new friendships. I am a Christian, a mother, a friend and a wife. I am red wine with soft cheese. I am an idealist and an analyst. I am rock and roll, country and hip-hop. I am a daughter and a sister. I am unswerving eye contact and long talks. I am a writer, an artist and a crafter. I am surf and turf and peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I am romantic comedies and intellectual thrillers. I am a reader and a romantic. I am a lover of sunshine and a snowman maker. I am Maroon Five, Jason Aldean and The Black Eyed Peas. I am a red head and all that entails. I am impromptu gatherings and intimate dinners. I am spice and sweetness together. I am Chinese food with my kids and sushi with my husband. I am tender and vulnerable. I am spring steel wrapped in softest cotton. I am a survivor. I am strongest when I am broken. I am a team player and a leader. I am hand made and brand name. I am my Mothers child and my Grandmothers "Sugar." I am gardening and computer games. I am cookouts and fine dining. I am polite, but not always kind. I am approachable and I am intimidating. Most of all, I am real, with real feelings, hurts, joys, expectations and desires. I am that woman.

(first experienced at Moments of Perfect Clarity)

Hanging it out there ....

2011-06-20T16:25:00.004-06:00

Remember back in the day? Back when we played outside all day until the street lights came on, when video games lived in the confines of an arcade we only got to frequent once in a blue moon, back when being a kid was safe and fun and carefree... Those days when our parents really did "close the door" when they were arguing about something? We were sheltered from adult interractions and we rarely got a glimpse into the big bad world because we simply weren't ready to handle it. There are so many things about my childhood I wish I could reinstate for my kids. But then I look around me and I realize the world has changed.... and I'm not sure it's for the better.

My kids are growing up in a world that has it's life all strung out and blowing in the wind for all to see. There's not a whole lot of restraint out there. Kids get into fights and post it on YouTube, MySpace is full of scantily clad folks making eyes at the camera, Facebook is a venue where arguments are had in a public forum, regardless of the nature of the dispute or the age of the participants. It's all out there with little discretion as if it is somehow a right to be an ass.

When did we suddenly decide that any of that was appropriate? When did we throw decorum and consideration to the four winds and tell ourselves the world needs to know every nasty, gorey little detail about who we are? Where did the poise and gentleness of spirit go when we were children? Our grandmothers would be appalled.... I am appalled.

Make no mistake, I've done some truly boneheaded ignorant things and I've overshared online. It's just that recently I have taken a look around and decided I want certain things in my life. I want to read things that uplift and inspire me. I want to laugh and smile, marvel at amazing photos and even cry with my blog-friends. I don't want to listen to nastiness about others, be it political or just juvenile. I get to choose what I put in and I choose not to put in anger. Call me "fake", call me "sappy".... I don't care. I don't want to get angry in my free time, I want to enjoy it. I dont want to squirm in my chair when I take a moment to check in with my friends. I understand and even giggle at the occasional rant, but an entire blog built on biting criticism and pathetic comparisons? No thank you....

Ever been somewhere and the folks you're with start to argue? That uncomfortable squirmy feeling is one I think most of us avoid like the plague. Most of us dont want to watch an argument play out in public or have the ugliness forced upon us in our free time. We don't want to know that much about people and frankly people don't want to know that much about me. I'm choosing to keep my irritation and my grumpiness under wraps, at least here on my blog. Oh, I will rant but I hope I can also rave because most of us are looking for soft place to land when we feel grumpy, irritated and uninspired.

My pictures will never be the beautiful works you find on other blogs, and yes they are out of focus alot of the time. I'm not a photographer... Never pretended to be and I'm not starting now. If that irritates you, my apologies. I don't think anyone on my teensy reader list came here because of my pics.

My goal is to share my life and its often interesting quirks. I have an unusual existence out here in the boonies... I'm not here to throw anyone under the bus, to laud my over-educated self or to put any one else down for their opinions. Blogging can be an amazing, fun and inspiring experience and it takes a certain amount of bravery to enter this community. Most of the peeps I've encountered are friendly, open and amazing and it's those that keep me going.

In the days to come I hope to keep my fanny under wraps and not overshare.... so if you don't hear from me, you know what happened! And when u get a chance stop in at these blogs: Inner Rambling of a Mi-life Mama, Chez Spud, Soul Aperture . They are amazing, inspiring, quirky and fun.... and MUCH better photogs than I will ever be!

From

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-17T13:05:00.001-06:00

My Dad was not always my dad. He is my Dad because he chose me, not because he helped create me and for that I look back and am eternally grateful. I can distinguish between the words "father" and "dad" for that very reason. Almost anyone can be a father and create life, but it takes time, patience, pain and love to be a dad.

Dads take you camping, whether you think it is cool or not. Dads hold onto the back of your bicycle until they know you have it and then dads trust enough to let it go. Dads hold you when your world is crashing down around you as you move out of your first love's apartment. Dads fix you a drink when they can see that life has taken you by the scruff and shook you until you can hardly stand anymore. Dads give you the best of themselves and inspire you to give the best of yourself back.

My Dad is like that. He joined our family when I was nine and has stuck with me through some harrowing times of willful, nasty, hasty youth. He never walked away, he didn't stop taking my calls, my Dad loved me no matter how unlovable I was. I was not an easy child and he was either fully aware of how to deal with me or he was blissfully ignorant of what he was getting into. It really doesn't matter which, I came to respect him for the quiet way he dealt with my shenanigans.

Dad is where I learned to be handy and "crafty". Dad reinforced all the frugal beginnings of my grandmother's teachings and taught me how to make what I had on hand into what I wanted. I never had to go far for an example of how to create from what we had lying around. I remember entire dining room tables (large ones) made out of strips of 1 x 1 oak scrap that dad glued together to make boards large enough to form the table tops and the same scraps glued together into posts to turn on a lathe for the legs. I got a bed out of that stuff too and it was beautiful! It was a turned four poster bed that you could see through the turnings... I wish I still had it, but I was incredibly hard on those delicate posts and the bed was scrapped when I left home.

Dad has made all sorts of other things as well. He has laid miles of hard wood floors, but never the plain old one color type - No! He plans intricate designs and inlays that simply take my breath away. He has fashioned wind sculptures and hand carved claw foot furniture. He is an avid gardener and a constant tinkerer. He is an electrical engineer (at least I think he is) and he can mechanic if he has to.

At Christmas time Dad is known as Sparky, after the Chevy Chase character in National Lampoons' Christmas Vacation. He decorates the parental home in millions of tiny white twinkle lights and hooks up his computer to generate professional style shows to Christmas carols. I let my friends and family know every year he gets the show set up and they drive by to listen to his creative works. He starts setting up the lights and replacing strands around Halloween and usually has the show ready to debut about the second week in December. I love that about him.

Dad is also a musician. He plays professionally a few times a month and I have always known him with a guitar in his hands. I tried once to learn, but the tenderness of my soft fingers and the fact that I had to keep my nails trimmed squashed that desire rather quickly. Dad wasn't disappointed and he didn't try to keep me going in it, he simply laughed. It didn't matter to him where I found my passion, just as long as I was happy.

On a day like today, I want my Dad to know that he matters. In all things, I am a part of a man that chose to love me for me, despite my bad attitude and my poor choices. I love my Dad in a way that is filled with respect, admiration, loyalty and quiet confidence.

Dad, you taught me to love when it wasn't easy, to laugh at my own silliness, to cry with others without offering up unsolicited advice and to accept life's trials as a challenge to succeed no matter the odds. I hope that you enjoy this day basking in the knowledge that you are cherished and loved as only a Dad can be. Thank you for always loving me back.

My Passion

2011-06-13T10:23:00.002-06:00

Like Spud, of Chez Spud fame, I too have many things I love to do... I think about the things I have taken on in the past 16 years of marriage and I am astounded at the many skills I have started, if not perfected.

I know a little about horses and livestock in general, thanks to marrying a horse trainer. I live on a ranch and that comes with lots of little knowledge tid bits, like how to stop an automatic waterer from flooding, where to turn off the power at many different locations, how to approach a horse that has busted out of its stall or pen so that you don't end up chasing it down the road, how to unstop a toilet, how to determine what is a serious illness/injury and what is not, and when to call in the professionals.

I am an extremely frugal and innovative personality, so in light of my innate cheapness I have learned to make my own afghans, do my own website design, apply my own acrylic nails, and shop for a months worth of groceries. There are things that I have done that I have learned, pay someone! Like a good pedicure (reaching down to my toes for that long is very uncomfortable), professional ad design and anything electrical.

I love the new found joy of gardening, even if it is just flowers as yet. I hope to try my hand at a veggie garden, one of these years, but I have to admit I have found a lot of excuses so far to not. I get very excited when I see my flowers poking up in the spring/summer and I am very lucky to have planted things that are continuous in their blooming stages. I did it quite by accident! I have a beautiful staggered garden that is blooming one after the other with nothing just sitting around being lax. I would call that a passion... At least one of them. It has to be, or else I wouldn't weed the darned thing and it would all go feral again.

I am a paper crafter... Love working with the papers and different embellishments. I enjoy in particular making cards to hold written sentiments to send to friends of mine. I cannot explain the amount of exhilaration I get from making a card or plaque or invitation designed specifically for someone. I makes my heart sing! To have someone tell me that they have kept one of my cards because it was simply too wonderful to throw out is heady and encouraging stuff. I think the best is when I got to see one of my cards still on my sister's desk from her birthday. She was amazed that I made the flowers that adorned it. Knowing it sits there and reminds her of how special she is to me... That is incredible! I treasure that.

I think blogging is definitely a passion as well. I have two very different blogs and I enjoy each for the very different things that they are. I love words. To sit and write is just the most amazing thing. It is cathartic, energizing, exciting, and for me, releases an incredible amount of endorphins. I am so complete when I can write. I believe that almost anyone who starts and maintains a blog is a writer and is a person passionate about words. I am no different.

If I had to boil down the one thing I would answer if someone asked "what is your passion," I would have to say communication. All of the things that I love to do, be it blogging, gardening, crocheting, paper craft - I love to share about the stuff I find interesting. I love to see a new technique in paper crafting and learn how to perfect that to bring others joy. I love to read new books to develop my writing style and find new phraseology and different word pairings. I am passionate about learning how to communicate with others whether it takes the form of gifting a card, writing down my life on the ranch, sharing what God is teaching me about myself or sitting on the porch in the evening hours with a cocktail and a friend to share the garden with. I want the people closest to me to understand how much they mean to me and I enjoy immensely the different ways I have learned to communicate that love.

I am a communicator, passionate to find the best way to tell you that I enjoy you, hope you are well and I thrive on bringing a smile to your face. If you matter to me, I will make sure that you know it.

Out on a limb...

2011-06-08T14:39:00.003-06:00

That's where I have been... Living out there in the big bad analog world. I have been having a blast, actually, and realize that I am an extremely spoiled individual!

I have traveled to my sister's in Louisiana to visit her family. It was a lovely and relaxing trip full of lots of nothing. By that I mean that there was no rush, rush to our days, no schedule to keep and no one to offend should we run late or not show. It was filled with days by the pool, late afternoon walks and two lovely bike rides that convinced me to update my wheels at home. I absolutely adored my niece, who never did let me hold or touch her much. She did, however, find much companionship in the boy, aka "the baby magnate." We made one solitary trip to the Audubon Zoo in the city and the rest of our visitors came to us. Bliss! I am already scheming to find a way to go back. Thus the "high wire" picture reference!

Construction has started on my studio. I am still in shock on this and am very overwhelmed by the lovely way the Man smiles when I whine about how much it costs or how I am so unsure that we can afford it. He simply pats me and says, "It's fine, dear. Enjoy it!" I have drawn up formal plans so that I am sure that builder and I are on the same page. I even did an interior plan complete with scaled moveable furniture so that I can tell if what I have will fit... So far, so good. Now I am really in a pickle, because I want it NOW! Especially since I am writing this from the confines of the coffee shop. I cannot wait until I can simply sneak out to the studio and have it only take two minutes to get there... See? Spoiled!

I have been busily planting and re-planting since I returned home from Louisiana. The tulips have bloomed and are just now starting to wilt, thanks to the brisk Colorado nights. My roses are putting out buds, I have a new sand cherry and some hydrangeas to put in, and I have almost recovered my English violas that the Man tried to kill off while I was gone. I don't know how he managed to kill the one flower I chose that has a reputation here for becoming a nuisance, it is so prolific! Daily watering is imperative here... Something lost on him, apparently. (Actually, the wind did his efforts of watering in... but still!)

To top it off, I won, I won, I won!!!! Spud of Chez Spud has been so gracious and organized as to hold a contest, and I won! My package is a bevy of amazing English things and I am on fire to get my paws on that package! The anglophile in me felt a little "chuffed" at having been chosen by the random number generator. It must have known how much I wanted that spiffy mug and those cards! I don't drink much tea, so I hope that the mug will not be too offended at carrying about my morning coffee. Maybe I will take it to the glorious studio, once it is complete... I have a "coffee area" all drawn into my space.

Things that feel like summer ....

2011-05-29T09:39:00.001-06:00

* Mornings I'm awoken to the trills of blackbird chicksu

* Blue birds flying criss cross acrossed the road as I drive

* Nights spent lounging by the barrel fire eating hot dogs and s'mores

* Coffee on the porch in the morning watching Sarah turn out horses accompanied by her faithful... cat

* The sound of the sprinkler and the buzz of bees in the front garden

* Visitors on vacation and trips in the car

* The Annual Battle of the Dandelion

* The smell of cut grass

* Afternoon showers

* Ice cream with fresh berries

Southern Charm

2011-05-28T15:08:00.001-06:00

The sound of my bike tires clacking softly over the wooden slat bridge fit perfectly in to the scene as I traveled under the canopy of old oaks. Riding in the morning air created a breeze to keep my Colorado blood from boiling over and I couldn't help but smile as I watched my two kids, their aunt and uncle and their cousin pedal up the well used path toward the lake.

There is no explanation for the ease and comfort I feel here in the deep south. Frankly, if it weren't for the large bugs and my terrible athsma I would seriously consider living down here. Well, that and my lovely husband. That may create problems as he's not a good "hot" person. The heat makes him slightly crazy.

The lovely bike ride in the morning to the open air market was a great way to start the day, that's for sure! I found lots of things I would love to go back and purchase, but lucky for the Man I ran out of time. The market closes before the heat of the day sets in, so he is spared my spree of finds. So many very nice people, innovative and lovely gifts, art galore and live music make me long for more of that in my life. I am sure there are many areas in my own home town that have the quaint loveliness in its own flavor, but for whatever reason (call it life), I rarely take time to sample it.

It is the Big Easy that brings out that longing. Languid days spent sipping icy cocktails by the pool, warm nights enjoyed with walks around a neighborhood brimming with mysterious floral smells, heady and sweet. Listening for the laughing and soft music of an impromptu gathering and the easy way all southern folks will hug you, no matter how long they've known you - you are a friend for life.

My thoughts are disjointed and scattered, happy to just be. My hope for all is that somewhere in your life you will get to experience the open warmth of a southern lifestyle. It's simply mah-velous dahling!

Stuff

2011-05-09T13:32:00.002-06:00

You know there are days that are in the bin before they even start? Days like today, when I started washing dishes, a task I despise, and the sprayer on the kitchen sink broke unexpectedly and sprayed me full on in the face. Days like that. Days you want to just slink back into the bedroom, slide under the cool covers and pull your pillow over your head and call it good. Those kind of days.

I love that there are peeps in my life that don't let me stay there. Peeps like the Man, who even though he is being the kindest he knows how, tell me to get off my pity party ass and get the hell out! Those peeps. The ones who laugh at the sprayer incident and aren't afraid I will find offense in their glee. I am glad I have those who bring me back to the reality that my life is actually pretty darned easy in comparison to others.

There are so many random things that are floating around in my head that a random list of them is the only way I can think to get them out and leave them behind. So here goes...

* I am tired of listening to ex-pats complain about the US and anything about our political, emotional or educational status. You choose not to live here anymore, you no longer have my ear in your opinion on what goes on here. Get over yourself and thinking you are superior because you chose to leave. Make your decision and stick with it. I will be un-listening to your rants from here on.

* Springtime around here means making some decisions about bravery. I must be brave to plant anything this early as we still face at least one more snow event, be it little or large. But I simply could not help myself and have begun the process. Wish me luck!

* I am sincerely hoping that the Boy will finally understand his limitations with horror/scary/thriller type shows. After being awakened over the last three nights by a twelve year old in tears over a scary movie, I am cooked and definitely no longer in the running for mother of the year. Is it just a boy thing to think that he can handle it? At his age, I knew I couldn't handle the creepy movies and avoided being scared, I didn't court it like chocolate or hip hugger pants!

* Yesterday was the best Mothers Day I have had in years. Was it because I lowered my expectations, I relaxed into letting it be, or because it was somehow more recognized as a day I wanted to be special? I don't know. I don't really care either, I am just glad I didn't cry once, all day long!

* I wish there was a way to fund my addiction to all things Apple by all the questions I answer when I take my iPad and keyboard to the coffee shop to write.

* My studio building has been ordered and will undergo construction around the first part of June. I am excited and perplexed and scared crap-less all at the same time. What an awesome responsibility and yet what a boost to the old ego when one's Man truly understands and wants to support in the way he knows how. Let the decorating begin!

* Gave up thinking that I would ever be an accountant. Have handed the reins over to a trusted friend who is working with me through all the odd quirks, strange entries and weird aversions I have had through the years. She has her work cut out for her! But what a relief to feel that burden being lifted and not just chucked to the ground and run away from.

* I am such an addict to my electronics that there are days I feel a complete slave to them. I wish there were a time that I could feel completely comfortable turning the darned phone off and spending a few hours reading and being quiet without guilt. But then I worry the entire time that I will not be available should something go awry and I am off pampering myself with silence. Silly, huh?

* I miss my grandmother. She was such a comforting soul to me. I know she had to have habits that drove her kids nuts, but to me she was always just Gramma. I wish I still had her to hug and breath in her gramma-ness. I wish I could sit in her living room and listen to her talk in the coolness of the afternoon. I miss her. When I planted my peony this weekend, I thought of her. It will be a wonderful reminder...

And that is all for now. I think I have lifted enough from my brain to now think clearer for just a few hours. Thank you to the Man for kicking me out and making me do what I said I would. You rock, even if you did yell at me... :)

Rrrrrrrrandom!

2011-04-27T14:15:00.001-06:00

Little things that make my day...
* bananas in my cereal, just a titch on the green side so they are slightly tart and firm
* listening to the Red Winged Black Birds trill their hellos to each other
* moments that make me smile like wild turkeys ambling down the middle of the road.

* my iPad... I still love it immensely
* waiting for the garden to produce greenness.... tulips are still just leaves. (Probably a good thing since we have snow)
* lists
* checking in on bloggity friends that post to Facebook and Twitter
* people who get me... and still want to hang around!
* red wine blends (because that's how I roll)
* new apps for my phone.... and frankly, my phone!
* watching it snow... again.
* the chiming of the grandmother clock
* kisses from my sweetheart
* Skype chats
* being done with anything

Gobsmacked

2011-04-19T11:33:00.001-06:00

Levi's Easter dragon kite

There are times in my life that I have come upon a moment and been absolutely taken aback by either the event itself or by my reaction to it. This is one of those times.

Yesterday I was clicking along in my day feeling rather productive and safe when I learned of a dear friend's father passing away. We have all known it was coming and it is not a surprise for the most part to any party, but the way that it stopped me in my tracks yesterday (and somewhat still this morning) has me floundering about as if I were lost.

Suddenly I am faced with the reality that there comes a time when there is no more. No more "I love you's", no more five-more-minutes, no more hugs or smiles or shared laughter. No more. Maybe it is because my husband travels so much and maybe it is simply hormonal, but that struck me dumb and I was thrown unceremoniously into the black pit of no more.... How would I react to my no more moment?

On the wings of angels my friend's father departs us, left standing in the moment of No more.... I am a little jealous. I wish I were that free, that ready and that excited to see my Lord. I am still very tethered to this life and this family I have. I am still very weepy at the thought of No more...

Spring is almost Sprung

2011-04-11T13:38:00.000-06:00

Columbine coming back to life.

Tulips starting to peek through the soil...

Hyacinth on the rise!

I am so incredibly excited for the tulips I planted last fall to poke up their lovely little heads! One can only hope that there was enough fertilizer applied to develop blooms... I know, I know... Can't I just be happy that they are coming up at all?

Winter at 7200ft in elevation is a marathon to say the least. We get those lovely days above 60 degrees, yes, but then at night we drop to well below comfortable. And then there is the snow... Truly, I am hoping for more snow! We need so much more moisture to pull us out of the impending drought and to make our hayfield worth processing in June.

I can always water the flower beds, the back yard, and the bushes... I cannot, however, water that front hayfield without penalty of law. So snow, rain or monsoonal moisture of almost any kind, I am patiently waiting!

In the meantime, I will enjoy the little pokey noses of my upcoming blooms! Woot woot!

Randomness for starters...

2011-04-04T17:12:00.001-06:00

- I love new technology, but I am rapidly becoming weary of how quirky it can be. Teaching Lovely Husband new things is exhausting!
- Company in from out of town is awesome... And having one's home back to oneself is also very awesome!
- Why is the coffee shop completely packed and buzzing (no pun intended) at 4 o'clock in the afternoon? Shouldn't these people be working, caring for families or something? (Insert pang of guilt here.)
- Why is it when one clears one's schedule for an activity one desperately desires to have time to do that suddenly one feels the need to be anywhere else than where they have cleared their schedule to be?
- I am wondering if I am ever going to be a better photographer and more excited about snapping pics of stuff I find interesting. Maybe it is because I have been so stinking busy I am looking down more... Must concentrate on looking up!
- Shopping for new bottles to sample turned this up... Plan on giving label to dear friend who collects them... After we enjoy the insides, of course!

- I love the fact that large stores like Walmart are waking up and carrying gluten free products! Makes it much more possible to do a quick one stop for multiple items...
- I am jealous of the other areas of the country (and world) that are already enjoying spring-like conditions. I cannot even think about planting flowers while we are still getting snow alternating with days of 70 degree weather!
- Very excited to finish Kentucky Derby bonnet invitation... 10 year old birthday party... (sigh)
- Have realized that my children are turning into amazing adults, again. Does that ever get old? Note to self: Ask mother....
- In addition to trying to do more with photos, since I cannot seem to discipline to using camera, checking out Instagram for the Droid... I hear it is absolutely fabu!
- Loving time to put down some randomonium...

Hiatus and other mishaps....

2011-03-30T08:35:00.000-06:00

Hello Peeps! I know, I know... I didn't call, I didn't leave a note, I simply vanished and have sunk ever so low on your reading list, if I am still there at all. I understand, truly I do!

I have not been idle, however, just focused elsewhere. I tried to tell you here. But you are right, I should have at least called...

I have made some major changes to my schedule and hope that in the coming days and weeks I can get back to my bloggy self and make you all chuckle just a bit once more!

I have been keeping the faith by reading most of my friends on the most lovely iPad with an app called Flipboard. My only complaint is that it doesn't allow for an easy way to comment on those blogs... Must figure out how that can happen more so that you know I am still lurking around out there!

I have seen you Christina, Spud and McG! I have laughed and loved the pictures I am so dreadful at taking myself. I vow now to keep you in the loop and to remember that I carry my new camera (albeit a Point and Shoot) in my purse for those occasions that I can snap for blog posting.

(Horrendous quality picture taken with phone.... Love the idea and the picture content - Need to ditch the phone and use the camera!)

Lovely Husband, as he will now be known, has freed my schedule to pursue my ever growing love of writing and I am hoping that I can somehow make him proud. In his generosity, I am lighter than air and feeling very freeeeeeee!!!! Looking forward to lists, rants and raves, some truly awful pictures and the simple things. Boy, have I missed you!

Prepare yourselves... I am hoping to be back - with a vengeance!

Resolutions

2011-01-01T21:18:00.001-07:00

I don't normally make them, New Years Resolutions.... I think that if one wants to change something, you don't need a special day to do it. But then I think back to all the times I have started something and I tend to wait til Monday... Lol! Seems funny, but the beginning of the week just seems right for new beginnings. So maybe New Years is the ultimate first day....

I make lists, lots of them. I list my to-dos for my work, I list the groceries and rarely shop without one, I list presents to buy, goals to meet, things I would like to see accomplished in the year. So now seems a very right time for a list...

- This year, I want to smile at least once a day.
- It's also my goal to make someone else smile at least once a day.
- I will write more, this blog or the other one... But I will write more
- I will finish my book.... So darned close!
- I will Facebook less than I connect with others face to face
- I will watch less television and make that I do watch count....
- I purchased a new pen today... I will use it to record my written words for my kids to read when I'm gone. I won't be self conscious about my handwriting... I will let it be what it is for that day, even if it's messy.
- When I am offended, I will endeavor to ask the offender at least one question, and I will attempt to assume they didn't mean to hurt me.
- I will remind myself that the only person hurt by bitterness is me... And I will try like hell not to be bitter!
- I will make myself sit still when my kids wrap me in hugs and want to kiss me on the mouth. I will treasure those moments later when they are busy with their own lives.
- I will pray because God is always listening and I will speak like children are listening.

The list is long and ambitious, but I believe in grace and miracles so I will try it anyway! And when I fail to keep it all, I will laugh at the days to come and remember that God loves me anyway! And my family makes it all worthwhile!!!

(Me... I really need to wax....)

Merry, Merry!

2010-12-24T11:45:00.001-07:00

I love the push to Christmas.... Sounds kooky, I know, but I love the way things just seem to fall in place as the time draws nigh.

I haven't always been this way. In my (ahem) maturity, however, I have learned to accept the little hiccups and bumps as a part of the memory for that year.

I hope that in your celebrations, whether you host or simply attend, you will join me in relaxing, letting go and truly enjoying the folks you are with (if at all possible)! Remember that this season is about family, friends and the glorious gift of a savior that knows just how imperfect we really are!

Yuuuuuum!

2010-11-21T19:30:00.001-07:00

I have never pretended to be a foodie or a wine snob... In fact if I make something with more than three ingredients and it takes more than 30 minutes I have outdone myself!

I buy mid priced wine, usually no more than $15/bottle. Ok, so maybe cheap wine! I have a favorite but I'm also not opposed to trying something new. I admit I'm a sucker for a cool label. Bought a bottle of wine called "Bitch" once... If you have never tried it, don't! TERRIBLE! I couldn't even choke down one glass... So I was dubious when I picked up my next cool labeled vintage.

The back of the bottle reads: "Somewhere near the cool shadows of the laundry room. Past the litter box and between the plastic lawn toys. This is your time. Time to enjoy a moment to yourself. A moment without the madness. The dishes can wait. Dinner be damned. Mad Housewife Cabernet Sauvignon."

Oh yeah! Cool label, nifty cork, it has it all! And surprisingly a decent Cabernet... So here I sit, sipping Mad Housewife, nibbling turkey burgers with the kids and thoroughly enjoying myself with a quick blog post. Dinner be damned indeed!

Hope your Sunday is wine-worthy!

am I really back, or just bluffing again

2010-11-13T17:41:00.001-07:00

Yeah... This blogging thing can get to be harder than one originally thought! Not that I don't love it, I do!

I love my blog gal-pals that seems to completely get my sense of humor and my tendency to disappear from time to time..... I love lurking on sites and contemplating posts inspired by their insights and observances. I think bloggers share on a level rivaled by many. It is a freeing space in which you can share the cleaning of a closet with the triumph due military prowess! That's awesome! It is a place you can be free to bitch about all manner of crap. You can wax nostalgic, prognosticate intellectually or simply barf up what's got you pissy... It's yours to decide. And it's wonderful!

Me? Well I've been working on some other projects... Wrote a book, having it self-published (for all the self-important stigma that has with it), and started another project. Have another blog (one I seem to keep up better), that isn't at all like this one... And of course the holidays are descending with a quickness I am very uncomfortable with!

I continue to love the forum and the folks I met here. I will continue on, I am sure. If you want to peek at another side of me, check out thebagladycometh.blogspot.com... It is who I am... On another level altogether, I assure you.

Like my penchant for watching "Survivor" or "Bizzarre foods", try not to judge me too harshly... I still love an excellent cup of coffee and a good glass of wine!

And rest assured - I have stayed away from black hairspray!

Disturbing

2010-11-04T16:43:00.002-06:00

For all of you that have any delusions about what it means to listen to your teens and dress up at Halloween, let me just steer you away from one accessory... Black hairspray.

This stuff seems innocuous enough.... Says on the can it washes out with a regular shampooing, and of course it does. It just doesn't tell you how many washes it will take! Now, to be fair, there is a warning regarding those folks with very fair, light blonde hair. But that is where it stops.

In order to help my readers out in case you are delusional and think that you too can be cool at Halloween, I have compiled a list of interesting, and sometimes disgusting, facts about black hairspray.

*The can advises that you not overspray lest you stain certain white/ivory bath mats you may have... They are not kidding!

*One can is not enough to thoroughly blacken modest shoulder length hair, but it is enough to blacken the outside of your ears, the side of your face and the back of your neck!

*Once your hair is dry, one would think you could manipulate it into your chosen Halloweenie type style... oh, you can! Just know you will have to wash your hands - Over and over and over.

*The consistency of most hairspray is very drying. Not this stuff... It feels like motor oil!

*And if the lovely feeling of motor oil weren't enough, consider that whatever you happen to be wearing that comes in contact with your lovely blackened "do" will now also be dyed a complimentary dingy grey! Sa-weet!

*Once you have decided that the fun must cease and you rush to the shower to cleanse your locks, understand the shampooing directions of lather, rinse, repeat are not optional but absolutely mandatory! Twice!

*Lest you think that you missed a spot, be assured that when swabbing your ears and blowing your nose you will be continually reminded of your folly for at least two days!

*You will say to yourself more than once, "How did I get it THERE?" (Better to leave that one alone...)

*Definitely take pictures because unless you are crazy, you will never do this again!

Sometimes I wonder....

2010-10-10T11:27:00.001-06:00

When did I grow up? I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. Had my birthday and I maintained control, didn't get hammered and feel decent this morning instead of like the walking dead! Beautiful dinner, wonderful friends, nice hotel and decent breakfast. All in all, not a barn burner, but a very good solid verification of how lucky I am.

What makes it all worthwhile? I just love my life. Sounds very cliche, but it is true. Days like today make me realize that over and over. I have amazing friends who love me despite the fact that I'm late to my own party. I have a husband who "gets me" most days, and that is priceless. I have healthy kids and wonderful pets. We have just enough money to keep our bills mostly paid and God is ever present in our lives. It's all very, very good.

What would I do if I could choose anything? Hmmmm.... That's not any easy thing to wrap my head around. I am so blessed and so very spoiled, I am starting to realize I have exactly everything I want and, most importantly, everything I NEED. There isn't much I lack, unless you count time, and I don't know that any of us ever has enough of that! I imagine I would choose to spend my time exactly as I have. I would relax at an amazing dinner with my husband, have a drink or two with my close friends and spend the night in a hotel enjoying my marriage. I'm only missing my kids who are playing with friends or grandmas... And that too is ok with me!

Happy Birthday to me... All grown up!

Absenteeism...

2010-09-26T10:44:00.001-06:00

Yup. Been gone. Analog. Whiling away my days amidst the reality that is my life and none of it really very interesting... Well, unless you count hitting a deer on my way to drop off my daughter. Yeah, beautiful Edge is at the car doctor getting her face put back together. All in all, however, not a lot going on...

Ok.

Those of you that know me, know that is absolute crap! I've been busy as all get out and haven't been able to find my proverbial butt with both hands!

First there was the Vegas vacation I took with a gal pal after husband finally returned home... Much needed relaxation and a whole lot of doing nothing. GLORIOUS! Especially since after getting off the plane I was running immediately into our annual client appreciation party... The weekend after that, our annual fundraising show here at the ranch. This is a planners nightmare! Who's coming? Don't know... Can I hire a concession wagon? Nope. How much food do I buy? Don't know.... But it too went off without incident and all seemed to have a great time. I had enough food, enough help and enough change to get through the day.

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have only one job and only a few things to do a week. Would my house be cleaner? Would my kids have "activities?" Would I be bored? I don't know. I don't know that I will ever know. I think that might be a good thing, "idle hands" and all that... But sometimes I fantasize that I get to just do one thing for about a month. Wouldn't that be cool? And then I realize, I would hate it. Doing just one thing would mean I was a man... No thanks!

Random....

2010-09-06T08:41:00.001-06:00

So today is stacking up to be a regular pain in the you-know-what... I am on call to have to drive most of the day because no one else is available at this given moment. In short, don't get me started!

I had all this energy to do a random post and now it may turn into a rant and rave, instead! (Ah, married life! Ain't it grand???)

On a good note, I am sooooo close to having the invitations for our customer appreciation Pot Luck done! I just have a little bling to finish and then the envelopes and a quick trip to the post office. These buggers have been giving me fits since I started the project! ARGH! But didn't they turn out nice?

Then there is my garden! It has quite taken over the grand firebox I constructed earlier this year and I couldn't be happier! Well, ok... So I hate weeding, and I am not entirely sure all my bushes will be making the trip back next year, but still. I have flowers! It looks like we might stay a while!

And that silly goofy rose that had the sticky up bloom in the middle? Well, it turned out the be the same kind of rose just some mutant stalk that came right up out of the center. During a particularly windy day around here, the stalk got bent, so I clipped it off and brought the stem inside. Isn't that just wonderful? I have never had flowers from my own garden in my house before. Very nice...

On the rant side... I am friggin' blind! Most of the pictures I am taking these days are coming out blurry because I don't have my little reader glasses to see if things are in focus. Pretty hard to take pictures on a micro focus at arms length! Ugh! So some of the close ups are crap... And still not sure what to get in way of new P&S camera. So crap pics it is!

How's your Labor Day going?

Ain't it grand?

2010-09-02T07:34:00.001-06:00

Technology... Seriously, I am a Techy to say the least and I absolutely love it! As I write this on the lovely and very versatile iPad I wonder just how much technology is too much?

Is it too much when we are so tempted to veer off the road texting? Is it too much when your phone dings at you past 10 pm and you actually pick it up out of a sound sleep to see who is contacting you? Is it too much when it interferes with your ability to hold a complete conversation with someone sitting right next to you?

How much is too much?

A friend of mine believes that it actually shortens our life span because we never really shut down and relax. I can understand her perspective. All of my gadgets can definitely be a distraction and sometimes drive me to "work" even when I normally would be shut off to the office. Working for myself, however, I only get paid when I work and I only eat when I get paid. So... I do what I have to to keep things rolling along.

I think that once we recognize that we are doing too much we can begin to do things to counter those habits as well. I know in my 40's I have begun to travel more, get away with the girls more, and make more concessions on what I find fun. I recognize more readily my need to shut off and go analog.

I have given myself permission to not answer text messages after a certain hour. I have given myself permission to leave my phone off when I am with a friend so that I can truly be a friend. I don't answer calls or texts while I am being waited on by a clerk of any kind, and if by chance I am on a call for whatever reason and someone comes by to help me, I apologize for being obnoxious.

I love my gadgets, but I don't ever want them to come between me and mine, be it friend or family. So I try to practice some restraint... some...

Testing it out...

2010-08-29T14:02:00.001-06:00

Sometimes new things feel very slow and unwieldy....

Trying out all the new stuff is fun if not tiresome for my readers.... Bear with me. I am trying to keep it at a minimum.

Today I rest...

2010-08-29T09:16:00.001-06:00

Yup, today I have help. The neighbor kid is cleaning stalls for a little cash to help him fix his truck so I do not have to clean stalls! Yahoo!!!

I snapped the pic above with my phone... Apologies for the lack of clarity, but it was just the coolest sight! It is one of those lawn mower air chair thingies that a neighbor flies about... Looks terrifyingly fun, although I must admit that I wouldn't be caught dead in one!

I am fairly certain that that rose is not a part of what I thought I was buying. It is a traditional multilayered rose, not the hardy primroses I purchased specific to our altitude... Never the less, she sure is spectacular! Four buds on top and seems to be faring rather well, despite the lack of oxygen up this high! Lol!

Last, but definitely not least, a gratuitous shot of my niece... Sis and the family will be departing later today but we did manage to see each other twice while she was in town. Lexi is growing so very fast and is simply the loveliest little girl!

Looking forward to catching up on blog reading - from the new iPad, of course. The screen is spectacular!!

Oh man....

2010-08-28T08:35:00.001-06:00

Yeah. Ahem.... My name is Mud, and I'm addicted to technology...

In my defense, I bought the darned thing after I walked out of the store twice! Yes. I went back in twice amidst snarky stares and big knowing grinny faces to buy the iPad.

I kept it simple and purchased the smallest one - no 3G, only 16g... And can I just say WOW!

It's so stinking cool I can hardly believe it!! My techy brother is so very jealous because I have it first. I'm not sorry. I work three jobs and I'm going to get something fun out of it!

Now.... Any suggestions on how I tell my husband?????

Childhood memory #1: Family Gathering

2010-08-26T21:54:00.000-06:00

Yeah.... Seems very cliche, I know, but it is true. The very best childhood memories I have revolve around my family. I cannot think of anything I would rather do than hang out together with those very closest to me.

I'm not saying there aren't times I don't answer my phone when they call. I'm not saying I am the best daughter ever and just can't wait to see them 24-7. That would be a lie. I am saying that I just love the times we all sit around and laugh about things from our rather checkered past as a familial unit. Those gut wrenching, bend doubled over, laugh til the tears flow freely hilarious moments when we relive the food fight we had and Mom's mashed potatoes bounced! Those kinds of times... Reliving the awesomeness of having our kids and what that was like...

I love my family, and while some of my childhood was fraught with some very scary times, it made me strong and shaped my faith in ways I could never have predicted. I am a frugal, well adjusted, humble woman with a fiercely loyal and interesting family that I cherish above all else.

My biggest hope is that my kids will some day sit on my front porch in the cool of the Colorado evening and share stories they love about growing up on a horse ranch.

Childhood Memory #2: Traveling

2010-08-14T16:50:00.000-06:00

I didn't really get a "hankering" for travel until rather recently. I am not a comfortable traveler, per se. I do it for the reward at the end. I simply hate the process of it and that starts from packing to boarding whatever mode of transportation fits the trip. Once on the plane, or in the car (as those are the only modes I have tested so far) I am able to exhale and start my journeys.

There are trips I remember from my childhood that I absolutely am swept away with. Some were very plain and normal, like camping. Those trips were wonderful! I think about camping now with a bit of trepidation - OK a lot of trepidation! I have no romantic ideas of what it would be like to spend a night under the stars... My fear of carnivorous wild life sucks out what little verve is left after the thought of peeing down my leg when there are no available toilets. Although Spud has posted a very wonderful camping trip here, I am not swayed. I will camp at the Hilton, thank you very much!

I took a trip as a worldly 15 year old to Santa Fe, NM with my 9th grade class. That was fun too, if not a little harrowing. I didn't fit in as well as those popular girls and there was a rather humiliating picture of my bum taken sticking out of my sleeping bag while I drooled on my pillow. Still, I remember the trip as one that I completely enjoyed and I took enough pictures that one of my childhood albums has remembrances in it.

Another trip, I think I was around 10 or 11 years old, was back east in the summer months. I remember those travels as being very fun. It was enthralling for a "town kid" to wander the back woods of Maryland, swimming in a pool at our uncle's and just generally having the time of our lives whiling the days away on hikes amid some very green canopies.

My family never traveled extensively, but those few times we did instilled in me an appreciation for trips that I hold dear to this day. My husband travels constantly with his work these days and I am so very grateful that he is generous and gracious with me when he lets me gallivant off to some destination I have dreamt up. He has taught me that travel doesn't have to be completely planned and "itinerary-ed" to death - some of the best trips he and I have taken were spontaneous and very ill prepared for. He has also taught me to be a confident traveler and to take it all in.

Thank you dear, for instilling in me a desire to see more than just my back yard! By the way, I will be heading off to....

Childhood Memory #3: Ballet

2010-08-08T10:58:00.000-06:00

So many girls start their imaginings with the basics... What do I want to be when I grow up? There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a ballerina.

I watched PBS incessantly hoping to wander upon a ballet that they might be showing. I would settle for modern dance, but it never held the same mystique as the fluffy Tu-Tu'd dames that sprung across the stage in those amazingly shaped toe shoes. I would beg to watch the "Nutcracker Suite" each Christmas and I would mimic the steps and the over dramatic poses if left alone in the living room to play. At one point in my childhood, I even cut up my security blanket (saving back one small square for emergencies) to fashion slippers, complete with wooden alphabet blocks for the toes. It was then my family began to take my desire very seriously....

My mother indulged me by purchasing ballet lessons for me. I was quite the little diva, too busy making sure that my leotard and my leg warmers were just so, rather than practising technique that might push me into an actual sweat. The lessons were held in the classroom of a local school and I know it cost my mother dearly to watch, week after week while I wasted time tugging and pulling and bending my accoutrement, rather than learning the steps I so desperately needed.

Amazingly, I did have some natural talent, although it took some years to become mature enough to realize it wasn't about the outfit. My dad caught me one afternoon in our wooden floored dining room practicing my craft. He stopped me and told me right out loud that he thought I was talented, and a little later sat me down with my mother and discussed another round of lessons. This time I would be studying in a proper studio, taught by a proper Madame, with the tell-tale gnarled toes of a dancer poking out of her black footless tights.

It was more Modern Dance than traditional ballet, but I was well suited to it. I enjoyed it and the few friends I made. Awkward as can be and gangley fit right in for dance. I was disappointed when after two session of Modern Dance I was not accepted into the folds of the traditional ballet class. I remember it being a technique issue as I often had my bum slapped for it's offensive sticky-outy-ness. (I suffered from mild scoliosis as a pre-teen.)

I loved the nights we would walk to and from the studio and I felt so glamorous in my leggings and dance garb. The most wonderful thing of all was knowing that it was because my dad recognized I had talent and desire that I had been afforded another chance at my dream.

While I never looked back after completing my last recital with the small troupe, it gave me a verve to pursue my dreams. I realized then and there, ones dreams must always be explored. Even if I try and fail, at least I have tried and know what it felt like to see it through. Thanks Dad, for believing in me and showing me how to pursue my loves.

Childhood Memory #4: Nana's Typewriter

2010-08-04T14:39:00.000-06:00

I have talked about my grandparents quite a bit here. I know why... They were definitely influential parts of my childhood. I loved them very much and they are still missed in my thoughts. Much like my mother, my grandparents were incredibly strong individuals and they taught me much in the way of independence.

Many hours spent in imagination-play at my grandmother's was peppered with naps, snacks and plenty of ice cream. But the most influential thing about her was a very simple concept. I was allowed to play with almost anything I found interesting. My Nana was just very patient that way - Or maybe the old adage is true, "They just don't make things like they used to!" She simply wasn't afraid I would break the stuff I played with.

I was always especially intrigued with an old typewriter that sat in the upstairs hallway. When I say old, I mean the old manual driven typewriters with a silk, ink-drenched ribbon that left my fingers black more often than not. I loved sliding a piece of typewriter paper into the roller platen and hearing the click-click as it seated into it's place. I would spend hours playing secretary, picking up the hallway phone that was mounted upstairs, taking phone messages and sitting at a rather rickety roller table that I had perched my "office" upon. I would type until my little finger tips ached from the effort of making the keys hit hard enough to impress the ink upon the page. When I tired of playing office, I would move to magazines and simply practice typing (without looking, of course) as the pages of the National Geographic made its way through the magic of that manual machine. I always thought it would be wonderfully romantic to be a secretary with a real reason to sit at a typewriter and tap-tap-tap out my duties...

Many years later, I did land a job as a secretary... Not so glamorous, and I was definitely required to use a computer keyboard, not a typewriter. I moved from one keyboard to another during my stint in the public workforce. I always remembered the love I had for those keys and their clackity-clack that gave me so much confidence.

I love writing, I think, because I was allowed to play at it for long summer days and was never afraid to work with the tools of the trade. Looking back, I am so very glad I got to bruise my fingers playing at the work I now enjoy so much.

Favorite Childhood Memory #5 (Counting down... As it were)

2010-08-03T17:09:00.000-06:00

My mother was a single mom for a lot of my childhood. I think she is an amazing woman and very very strong for having done life the way that she did. Married at 18, me born ten months and ten days later, she did what she did the best way she knew how. I still shudder at the thought of being married at 18 - Cripe! Some days being married at 42 is tough!

As a single mom, and a working mother at that, she did what she could to make things fun with frugality always at the root. Some of the most wonderful times I can remember of her were the nights she didn't have to work late and we could, all us girls (I had just a younger sister at the time), shop for our dinner that night. The most special of treats would be Weiner Wraps, hot dogs, and those cookies you got out of the roll... Mom would let us help, which for a harried and hurried mother of two was so very hard to do (I know this because letting my little ones help was often more work than I could stand...). We would get the kitchen chairs up to the counter and mom would walk us through wrapping our hot dogs in the pastries and laying them out on the cookie sheets. Then we would wait as mom cut the roll of cookie dough into slices so each of us could take turns placing them on another sheet.

I loved those nights. They were nights Mom called "Girls nights" and I remember sitting across the tiny kitchen table from her thinking how amazing she was. I wanted to grow up to be just like her, and I was going to dye my hair red so that we could match.

I love thinking back to those Saturday afternoons when Mom would crank up the stereo console unit with one of her records and mop the floors and clean house like no body's business! I remember sliding across the basement linoleum floor in my socks after she mopped, giggling and dancing until I was breathless! Mom would sing to herself from the records as she worked and I loved to imitate her by tying my own kerchief around my hair, just like her...

My mom was and still is in many ways my biggest inspiration. She is a strong woman with strong opinions and fierce love for her kids. I love that about her. I have taken much from her and I call them strengths. My mom seldom reads my blog anymore... There are parts of me that are hard for her to read about. I understand that... But I hope that if I do nothing else in this lifetime, I truly convey to her how much I really love and admire her. She taught me to be exactly who I am and I love her for it!

In which she rambles on about nothing in order to avoid billing... AGAIN!

2010-07-27T22:19:00.000-06:00

Actually, in my defense, I sat down here to do the prelims on my monthly billing and my thumb drive didn't have the current copy of the billing on it! So truly, I tried... Albeit, not too hard. So instead, I am blogging. I'll take what I can get at this point.

The Colorado skies have been wonderfully beautiful again, mingling the most amazing clouds with a clear blue sky that is simply unbelievable! Days have been bright and hot with afternoon showers that have my hayfield popping with what looks hopeful in the way of getting more to bale and put up for the season... I am impressed!

I am fighting the urge to reopen my Face Book account... Does anyone out there NOT have a Face Book account? And how many of you actually like it? Seriously. I feel left out. I am such a dork, though... I just know something stupid will go on and I will get my feelings all squashed and be butt-hurt (as our Assistant Trainer says) over nothing at all. It's like being an addict... Once you get clean, you just know you can't go back. There is no "little bit" of Face Book! I should just stay out. Spud! Help me out here - Tell me it's a waste of time! Tell me I don't want to do it... (resumes normal breathing, straightens shirt and attempts typing something more intelligent...)

Man is talking me into going to Durango soon. I vowed not to go since he poo-pooed my desires to have our first and probably our only family vacation in Montana at a wonderful resort. "We have mountains here," he says... P-shaaaaw! So when his attempt at a compromise included, "And I can work at a clinic as well!" I was not interested. Why is it Man cannot understand that a vacation should not include the very horses that keep you tied to your home in the first place? Why must I continue to explain that vacation means a trip out of the ordinary? But he wants to take the kids... And I do want to go see Durango. Haven't ever been. So I guess I will swallow my pride and my irritation, and go anyway. But I will only secretly enjoy it, so there!

Have enjoyed a wonderful couple of days with just Girl and me... We mesh, we two. Boys are good, and necessary, and have merit most days. But us Girls, we just rock!

I have been avoiding work long enough... Have some new projects coming. I often think about things I did as a kid. I believe parenting does that to you. You watch your own playing at what they will and you remember being in that wonderful place as a kid where you could while away the days inside your own imagination. I started trying to remember those things that made an impression on me, those things that I truly enjoyed doing as a kid. I plan on sharing those in hopes that some of you will join in. Tell me what you loved about being a kid where you were, some great memories that you treasure from your youth. Family trips, good friends, past times that kept you busy... I will show you mine if you show me yours! (tsk, tsk! Keep it clean!)

And now I must sign off... Billing has to be done tomorrow! I plan on celebrating with wine... 7 Deadly Zins to be exact! Pop in for a glass... I'm always open for guests!

A complete waste of time!

2010-07-23T10:14:00.000-06:00

No, I am not talking about FaceBook... Although I am about as pissy right now as I was when I had a Facebook account!

No, Ladies (and Gent!)! I am speaking about the innumerable hours spent listening to a rather fat, balding man drivel on for hours about his wondrous insurance company and why he is the best and why I should buy and why I will never ever be complete without it - Until of course he asks what Man does for a living... A freaking week later! Um, did you see the rather dark and swarthy man out there on the horse? It is, after all, the middle of the day... And, well, he is riding a HORSE!

I sat through this man's "no pressure" presentation, which took him over an eye-twitching hour and a half to complete, only to have him call me up today to ask me two more questions about horse training, which then culminated in him telling me, "I think you should check out Blah-Blah Insurance for your husband..." WTF?????? Why would I want to do that? What happened to, "We are the best, we are what you need, we can solve all manner of issues..." What happened to that? "Well, horse training is a rather dangerous occupation..." No duh, Sherlock! Could that be why I need INSURANCE???????? I listened to this idiot prattle on about his parasitical infection (no joke, he gave details and all.... Ugh (shudder)) and the fact that he is a pilot, blah-blah-drivel-drivel.... All to be told that it was a complete waste of my time, because they will not cover Man. He is my only source of income! If he ain't covered, Einstein, I don't need your insurance!!!!!! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In short, I hate insurance agents! C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E W-A-S-T-E O-F T-I-M-E!

Confessions of a desk addict

2010-07-21T09:52:00.000-06:00

Spud hit it on the head the other day... I have a thing for desks. It is a dark obsession and one the I struggle with in constancy... Mostly because I am absolutely out of room to put another stick of furniture in my home and there are still so many really awesome cool desks out there to be purchased, perused and possibly purloined!

There is Nana's desk that was once her mother's (or maybe mother in law's?) This is Man's family, not mine (yet):

(Gratuitous inside shot just for Spud...)

Man's desk from his boyhood:

(The knobs for the bottom drawer are inside, refusing to stay on the drawer!)

Girl's crazy colored desk, complete with horses:

Boy's desk, complete with cars and one shark's jaw (boxed for protection):

My Nana's desk, one of the only things I wanted when she passed:

And the kidney shaped desk we refer to as the "Red Table" to hide my addiction:

Don't judge me! I told you I had a problem right from the start. I know it is a problem because I would have more, if I only had the room! I'm not sure what it is... It could be that a writer always needs a good desk, or that I have a serious attachment to things that hold sentimental value. I don't really care what the cause is. I enjoy each desk for what it is.

And maybe if I rearrange the bedroom, I could fit another desk in there...

Does Creative Juice have calories?

2010-07-18T12:21:00.000-06:00

It's here! Yeah! I am so happy... (Despite Google's aggravating habit of turning the picture, no matter how I save it to my computer the CORRECT way...) It is the start of the return of my creative side! The booklet that I place in two Dr's offices is a small advertisement venture that features my work in paper craft and other original works. It took about an hour and a half to get the booklet pieced together on the Internet and a week to get here, but it was well worth it! It has opened my eyes to the fact that I NEED to do those creative things to feel better - A lot like getting outside after our grueling winter months!

I spent just a small amount of time the other day in my card room making a special card for a friend of mine who was having a monstrous day. I sparked in me the desire to do more!

I have the most wonderful space created... It is not what some would call "wonderful", but it sparks in me that creative thing - That unnameable thing that makes me tick with joy and verve. It is in this space that I feel alive and refreshed, useful and original, absolutely adequate! Drawers filled with rubber stamps, drawers stuffed with papers of every color, boxes of ribbon and bits of little jewels, wire, markers, paper flowers, beads, pens and innumerable other little spots of creative bliss that make me think, "What can I make with that?"

I have always been a card person... A note here and there, a handwritten letter - They always seem to mean more than a hastily tapped out email. I know I smile when I get something in the mail that actually comes in an envelope and took the sender at least a quick second to put together...

When Man and I were newly married, only five years or so, his grandparents passed on. In the span of 5 months he lost first his grandmother, Nana, and then his grandfather, Pappy. We were asked to please come to their home and peruse their things to see if there was anything we would like to keep as a remembrance of our years together. This has always been such an incredibly creepy and difficult thing for me to do, despite the well meaning traditions behind it. It seems so vulture-like, scavenging through some one's precious things and determining what you will discard of their life and what you will take away. Yuck.

Despite my misgivings, we went. It was there that we discovered Nana's desk. It had been her mother's before her, and it seemed no one had room or wanted to move it into their own home. I stood before her desk and breathed very quietly to my husband that I would love to have her desk. It spoke to me...

For whatever reason, my wish was granted and we carted the lovely (if a little worn) desk home. Upon opening that top drawer, I found cards...

Stacks and stacks, categorized by event. Nana had always been the one to send you a card on your birthday, a card to wish you well when you were ill, a card for anniversaries... That was Nana's knack. While I was never as organized or as attentive as Nana, I decided to make a feeble attempt at keeping up the hand written note.

I am picky. I used to spend hours in the card and stationary sections of stores and I used to spend A LOT of money to ensure that I had just the right card for just the right occasion. Sometimes I couldn't find what I envisioned and it frustrated me. And so I started making my own.

I cannot say my current card making is spend thrift. On the contrary, I have thousands of dollars of supplies to make up my card room. But I can say that when you receive a card from me, I thought about you the entire time I made it. I smiled about who you are to me. I made sure that each and every component, from the color and texture of the paper, to the small details I included just for you would make you smile and remember how very special you are... I like that. It makes my heart smile!

Sometimes...

2010-07-17T09:46:00.002-06:00

Sometimes it takes a friend to tell you you're being silly, over reactive, and stubborn

Sometimes splurging on crab legs brings out the best complements from the Man

Sometimes listening to others is our own best therapy

Sometimes sending the kids with Gramma makes you appreciate them more

Sometimes the best thing in the world is the sound of a buzzing fan

Sometimes you realize you were wrong and it makes you laugh, instead of cry

Sometimes you round a corner in the road and thank the Lord you don't own cattle

Sometimes you realize the plans you had aren't as important as the plans that spring up in spite of them

Sometimes the worst scenario isn't all that bad

Sometimes it takes losing to remember how sweet winning is

Sometimes the loss that you are feeling at the moment will fade before you can remember what it was you lost in the first place (did that even make sense?)

Sometimes the best dinner is a bottle of wine, wedges of cheese oddities, a bowl of hummus, crackers and the haphazard grape shared with the Man

Sometimes people leave and you hardly notice they're gone

Sometimes getting your to-do list done isn't so important

Sometimes you just want your Mom

Sometimes doing for others is our own best resource

Sometimes silence is the most desirable sound

I've been hiding...

2010-07-15T09:02:00.000-06:00

Yes... It is true. I've been hiding from the fact that I have been laid out, flat on my back, weeping big, sad, doleful tears because I let it get the best of me. What got the best of me? Everything. Nope, not being vague here, or trying to spare any feelings. Everything piled up and landed squarely on my shoulders until I was hunched over, couldn't turn my head and had a rather lovely eye twitch... A camera capturing that would have sworn I'd escaped the bell tower in some Slavic country....

I have never pretended to be sane. I have never (hopefully) projected some false image that I have it all together. I was a little shocked that I would be so utterly laid low by my own body. Ungrateful traitorous thing, this body of mine! I seriously thought I handled it well. Ahem... Yeah. I live in Egypt, right on de-Nile.

It always starts, this crazy spiral down of mine, about this time... June/July is terrifyingly sparse. And I do it alone due to Husband's hectic travel plans. This year? Well, this year was a little different and just enough so that I pushed over the edge and kind of hung there like Wile E. Coyote, until Man returned home and my body felt the release of the adrenaline. It was replaced with pain, severe, mind numbing, unavoidable, devastating pain. After being largely on my own for about 7 weeks (Man was in and out, home about 17 days from the middle of May to the second week in July), having added the third business a little over a year ago and little sleep my lovely, usually reliable bod said, rather loudly, "SCREW YOU!" and took an extended vacation from supporting my head. Literally felt like a bobble head doll on crack, randomly yelling out, "Ow!" and gripping my neck for no apparent reason.

So what's the point of this rant, you might ask? Especially since you have just arrived from Allie's wonderful recommendation that you come here? (Usually I am very far from serious... Hang in there with me...) Well, er... I am wondering, how do you do it? How do you reevaluate your life when it seems that you have lived an amped up life for so long that you need to find a "new bottom" - And get your mind out of the gutter! I don't mean a new bum! I mean a new level of normal... There are far more drastic and tragic ways lives are changed for ever than mine, but I am struggling to find my new bottom. And I need to find it desperately! (Snickers at thought of actually losing one's bum!)

You will be happy to know that I have gotten out my essential oils again, Muse, and that I have convinced my aromatherapist/Massage therapist lady that I will be a good girl and come once a month if she will see me (She really is magical!)... I have been busy the last day or so planning another girlfriend trip to lovely Vegas (Allie, you really should come someday! It isn't scary at all - And you were so close in Reno!), that has helped my mood tremendously! I take a nap each afternoon, or at least allow myself some down time to do "whatever". I have also rekindled my second business, which was actually started to feed that creative side of me and which I let simmer on the back burner when things got hectic... So I am trying....

Sometimes life feels a lot like a long hallway with lots of doors. Some are unlocked and look rather inviting. Some have rather creepy noises coming out of them and I walk quickly by... I am hoping one of them has a wonderful friendship behind it and maybe some well thought out advice!

The ugliest plant ever has bloomed!

2010-07-13T15:39:00.001-06:00

Yes, I have more than once considered throwing it out... The plant, not the cat. The cat would and has come back. As you can see the plant is just not one of those Ooooh Ahhhh kinds of plants. It is straggly and ragged and very ahem - well, different!

The last time I seriously considered throwing it out, my best girlfriend told me "NO! Don't give up! You just haven't found its happy spot... Let's try here!" And she moved his little stand to the very place you see it now. I tossed it water on occasion... I even fertilized it every now and then. Not because I have any kind of love for the thing, I simply had extra left in my can. It has been here over a year, virtually unnoticed.

Quite the sweet little blossoms, don't you think? I sure do! The plant is still hideous, if you ask me. But the fact that it is finally happy enough to send me an encouraging little flower - Well that seals its place by the back door for as long as I can keep it alive. So actually, no promises!

As for the cat... Well, he's a keeper!

Some days are better left undone

2010-07-08T13:44:00.000-06:00

So, yup... There it is. I said it. I would have rather that today didn't come. I am depressed, frustrated and downright disappointed in myself.

Yesterday, despite my misgivings and irritation at being the only person in our family that gives a crap, I cleaned. I vacuumed, I swept, I straightened and I dusted. I cleaned up all the piles of unfiled papers and threw away loads of unimportant crap and papers and mailings... Or so I thought. I am very unsure if all I tossed was of the tossable nature, as now I cannot find a set of registration papers for a horse that I desperately need. And the most frustrating part is that I can somewhere in my foggy brain remember seeing the papers and saying to my self, "Self, one should take care of such important papers immediately!" I do remember that. Can I remember what the papers came in? Or if I left them in such container? Can I remember what the blast I did with them?!?!?!?! Nope. Can't. Can I find them now? Nope.

At this point, with fighting siblings in the background, I am ready to check myself into the looney bin. I am not even afraid of all the crazy people that reside there. I think it might even be more a vacation than I have had in months!

I'll do anything to avoid cleaning house...

2010-07-07T08:49:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's true... I am a first rate Procrastinator... I hate to clean. Thus my home has not seen the sight of the

vacuum in almost 3 months. I know, I know... Ick... It is a sort of protest, but alas it isn't working! No one seems to give a rat's arse that our home is overrun with dog hair, mud and various other items that just seem to pile up and disappear into the background of our lives.

This morning, I informed my husband that I had a friend showing up this afternoon... He looks at me panicked and spits out, "What about this house???" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? Of course I will clean it up now. Because I want to do something fun and I am not about to be embarassed about the fact that my family doesn't care how we live. I will clean up, vacuum, mop and dust to make sure that my friend thinks we don't live like swine... But I know the difference.

As a light aside to my Rant... Aren't the cows cute? These are those mini herefords and they are just adorable... Still snot ridden, fat, stinky cows, but they are cute in the way of.... well... I'm not sure... Maybe thinking cows are cute is strickly an ailment of living out here in the boonies. I stopped to take a few snaps with my phone on my way to get groceries. Mom, Pop and little Dude looked at me in amazement... What could I possibly want a pic of them for? Ahem - And now your famous, Mini-Bovine Family!

Unstructured Randomness - Again

2010-07-02T08:46:00.000-06:00

Yup... Here I go again... Not conforming to Tuesday or Friday or what have you.

:-: I love watching the birds at the feeders. It just makes me smile and feel like the hostess with the mostest! Even the birdies agree! I love the songs they sing and the colors... Red winged black birds and finches! The finches have finally come!!! As I sit here and type, I have four of the lovely colorful buggers feeding right now! Gorgeous!

:-: I do not appreciate the way the deer are now helping themselves to the bird feeders, under cover of darkness, of course. They have now bent the pole and it is listing sideways in a rather alarming manner! I don't mind sharing the seed - I understand from the singing and squawking that is is quite delectable. Just don't ruin my flimsy pole! And please quit abusing the feeders so much that you dump the seed out on the ground...

:-: Have been considering a sneaky paint attack... One of those clandestine moments in which you garner the help of an equally sneaky friend and paint a room the color you want without asking permission or help from the man. I know what I want, and it is rather dramatic - although also very popular in home decor right now, and I know that Man will not necessarily hop right on board. I might just get it done - Or I might just chicken out!

:-: Took me three days, but I am rid of June's billing! I hate June on many levels, but this one was particularly vexing. After 5 horse shows, unraveling the mess that was the billing became a larger than life task. I only hope that we can make it through the next few months. It looks a little grim on the business front.

:-: I am on the last chapter of my book endeavor. I think this last chapter is particularly hard because I am right in the middle of living it. I think it is also hard because I seem to be mourning the process and feeling like it is coming to a close. When I was young and finished a book I was reading, I would sometimes cry when it was over. Really good books do that to you, they leave an empty space inside you where their characters used to live. With my own writing, it feels slightly similar. I love what God is doing with it and I am loathe to stop...

:-: I am finally ready to give the house a very good cleaning... I have been in a funk as of late and my house has suffered for it. There isn't one room that is company approved and that is about to end, my friends! Today I shop for food, tomorrow I CLEAN!!!

:-: I have noticed that my blog reading has narrowed to a few folks I can relate to. Oh, I still have those ethereal blogs in my read list, they just don't hold sway the way they used to. I don't have desire to read them much. Maybe I will delete them from my list, but probably not. I never know when the photography alone might just catch my eye.

:-: The sound of running horses is the most exhilarating sound I know. It strikes in me a chord of fearful excitement mixed with awe at the beauty of their physique. There just isn't anything as beautiful to me as a running, powerful horse.

:-: A week away has drug my little flower garden into the land of weeds. Ugh. I now have about two hours work getting the sprouted grass and dandelions yanked back out of there. I will enjoy it, I am sure, but I do look at it with a bit of chagrin. I wanted the garden, I hate weeding with a blazing passion!

:-: One of my bloggy friends has reminded me that my cutting remarks, though often not heard by others, are still not the right way to respond. I have learned this lesson before, but I know I have allowed old habits to creep back in and set up shop. Thanks, Ally, for being real and sharing something that I needed a reminder of...

Ten Aromatic Pleasures...

2010-07-01T17:13:00.000-06:00

Thanks, Liz! I wanted to post, but couldn't think of anything relevant... In this summer air, your post just hit the spot!

Ten lovely scents that send me to my happy place:

Oranges: Always transports me back to my childhood and rummaging through Granpa's lunch box while perched atop the counters in Gram's kitchen.
Peppermint: Fresh, clean, energizing and the smell of Christmas, my favorite holiday (besides my birthday). Mixed with hot chocolate it is absolute bliss!
The nape of both children's necks... There is just something about it that never changes. From the time they were babies to now, I love the way my kids smell - Well, mostly!
My husband's jackets: A combination of the scent that is him, horses, earth and sundry veterinary applications. It reminds me why I fell in love with him...
Pine: The smell of fires outdoors, cozy fires inside, a warm all around feeling of family and comfort.
My only perfume "Design". It was the only perfume I had when we got married and the only one I took with me on our honeymoon. That light and flowery scent with a hint of citrus will transport me back to days when my tummy was flat and my love was new.
Fresh baked bread. Funny that someone with Gluten intolerance is drawn to the one thing she cannot have... OK, not so much funny as tragic! But I still get to bake Gluten Free bread.
Puppy Breath. It is all together the best smell ever! I love the way they smell just a bit like wild onion. In their exuberance to greet you, puppy breath means you got the best of their love, all at once!
Cut grass. Even though it often sends me into a sneezing, allergic attack, the smell of cut grass is a wonderful reminder that it isn't snowing!
Peaches. Don't know why, but it instantly makes me smile! I have no specific memories, but a box of fresh peaches from the local nursery will have me breathing deeply over it's contents for minutes at a time.

Thanks Muse for the "muse"! It made me think... And now I'm smiling!

There's always hope

2010-06-20T08:20:00.000-06:00

I mean, isn't there? Hope that another day spent cleaning the barn will be appreciated, hope that we can get all the horses turned out without incident and drama, hope that we can have just a little more God-delivered stretched time to get just a little more done before we have to leave in the morning... I am hopeful.

I am hopeful that visiting the Man in OKC will not be a dreadful and sweltering experience. I am hopeful that he will be happy to see me and not be pouty about his horses or his ride or how hot it is (he is such a pansy in hot weather). I am hopeful that the trip will end with seeing my sis-in-law, whom I adore, and having saved up enough chuckle time to smile sweetly later in the summer.

I am hopeful that the kids will truly enjoy their time at the lake planned for mid-July and then come back to my sister's visit and the meeting of their newest cousin, Lexi-Loo. I am hopeful that she will be a wonderful, laughing bundle and we can enjoy s'mores by the fire and a great glass of wine in the warm evening breeze.

I am hopeful once more... What are you hopeful for?

Things I hate about being a woman...

2010-06-19T18:24:00.000-06:00

Can you tell it has been one of those days? Well, one of those weeks, actually! I don't know what it is, but when Shane leaves the ranch there will inevitably be something that I have to deal with that is very decidedly the territory of boy-decision-land. Cars, the well pump, major horse issues, fencing blunders, etc. It always seems to crop up when Man is out of pocket and cannot be reached.

Today started out with a small list of tasks I wished to complete before I headed back to the ranch to get the kids and go summer clothes shopping. I needed to go to the bank (check), wash the car and wipe it down inside (check), get the oil changed in the car (screeeeeeeeeech!) - And there I became irrefutably mired in Boy-Land!

Why is it when you have boobs (Yes, I said the b-word and I know I may pop up on some unsavory searches...) men instantly think you cannot possibly understand logic? Makes me insane! Husband is somewhat of a gear head and I have been around garages for our entire 18 year relationship. I had to, or I would have not been his girlfriend... But I digress. So I know when a mechanic pulls me out of my seat in the waiting room to "show me something", I am about to get really pissed off. Both because he is about to piss me off and because he is about to try to stick to his story...

My lovely Ford Edge needed new brake pads on the rear wheels and some might say the rotors needed turning. I asked the mechanic if we could get away with a pad-slap (very gear-headed-lingo of me!) and I would deal with the rotors when I returned? He was obviously surprised that I knew that term and he stopped talking to me like an imbecile at that point. Good choice, Sparky!

Manager-Man was not so smart... He tried to tell me that the coupon I had for the brake job was not going to cut it and that the labor was more for different brands of pads. Um.... Gee, Mr Manager, Do I look like my boobs are in my ears? Or my eyes? Do I look stupid to you???????? Tell me that there is a difference in labor from one brand of pad to another - Are you wanting me to leap over the counter and wrap your tie around the ceiling fan????????? Gimme a break! I looked him squarely in the face and said, "You do realize that that is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard?" and then I mumbled, "I wish my husband were here!"

It is so amazing to me that all at once, the tire rotation suddenly was free, the battery terminal service was removed from the order, and the brake job was reduced by $20. Hmmmm....

And if that was not bad enough boy-behaviour, yesterday I spent the majority of my day arguing with an Ebay goober that requiring cash payment was against Ebay policy. DUDE! Seriously? Do you think I was born yesterday???? I am NOT sending you cash!!! You put the item on Ebay, you can abide by the rules of Ebay and accept PayPal as a form of payment or I'm not buying your crap! Idiot actually had the b***s to threaten me with "negative feedback" and report me to Ebay... Amazing how that fizzles when you tell them you have already talked to Ebay-Gods and confirmed that you are within your rights to cancel the sale. So leave your negative comments, DUDE! You are sooooooo busted! (I did get my way, BTW. Because I ROCK!) He got awful cordial and apologized multiple times after that revelation... Ugh.

Boys... You can't live with 'em, and you better have help to bury them if you shoot 'em!

I'm going to fix myself a drink on the front porch now... No shopping for me tonight! I might just kill someone!

Unstructured Randomness

2010-06-10T21:32:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I'm not good at following those Random Tuesday bits, or Wordless Wednesdays, I pretty much suck at any kind of structure type... Makes me a good entrepreneur, I guess (not a good speller). I still have the random days and I feel the need coming on now. While waiting until next Tuesday may make for a larger, more interesting, more complex list, I will not wait! I'm spoiled like that. So here goes my list:

What in the world is up with my stinking body lately??? All my food seems to get stuck in about the mid abdomen level and it makes for some very uncomfortable hours while it moves on past.
Why is it I have been counting calories for over a month now and have only lost 4 pounds? I hate to think that I actually have to start exercising... I don't like 40-something already!
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, I am going to freaking tackle my husband once he finally returns home! He has been home a grand 5 days in the last 16 and won't be home more than 4 more before the month is out...
Don't you just want to smack folks right through your computer screen who think they can pass judgement on others with a cursory glance at their blog? (Yes, Rachel, I am still fuming over Carin - Who is a complete waste of skin!)
When I am tempted to compare my life to others, I have recently started checking myself. No amount of money, fame, or other material stuff can possibly make up for having a partner that just loves you - All of you, no matter what, all the time.
My give-a-pooper has gotten really broken for folks that can't bother to be honest. I just hate being lied to and I have started just cutting it out!
I am terribly thankful that my Vista PC is still working and not having the issues with IE8 that others have had, or that my XP PCs have had.
I LOVE MY MACS!!!!! It is incredibly nice to have machines that just work and allow me to get so much more done in a day! Sa-Weet!
I am still in bloggy-love with so many of you talented ladies that write, write, write with such consistency. I have slacked off and I am really trying to figure out a new project to do that will give me a writing goose in the britches!
I REALLY wish that alcohol was calorie free! Man... Count those calories sometime, would ya?
Does someone out there have a house-cleaning genie they wouldn't mind sharing? If he looked like that Prince of Persia, I wouldn't mind either... (Even Girls blushes when she talks about Jake...)
Still loving my phone... Think I have found the answer to iPhone not playing nice with Verizon. But be warned, if the iPhone comes to Verizon - I know I will have to get one!
On the same note, still very much in love with the Edge-mobile. Have had so many folks just stop me and ask how I like my car... It is really a sweet ride, as one of my daughter's friends once said. It too has a free pass in my book and a home for the long haul.

Hope I haven't bored you to tears... But then, isn't that what blogging is all about? Blogging like no one is reading and just for your own sanity? I am sure that is part of how it all started... Like Liz, I think I am ready to do some drastic simplification!

What do you say to that?

2010-06-08T13:25:00.000-06:00

You know, those times when someone says or does something to you or around you that simply leaves you speechless. You cannot give advice, you cannot comment, you are utterly flabbergasted and wordless.

My niece's face just says it all...

I have moments like those piling up all around me these days and I figure I will get them out of my head and maybe you have something to say about them... Or maybe you have some of your own to add...

What do you say...

* When your friend tells you her husband wears boots that he thinks transform him into some sort of superhero?
* When reading a blog you come across a comment that is so completely rude and disgusting it leaves you cold?
* When your husband, out of frustration, tells you to pack up and go home after you have traveled over an hour to see him? (At his request, I might add.)
* When your child tells you that other kids find them weird and throw things at them?
* When you know someone is cheating and it affects your livelihood?
* When words fail and all you can do is gulp air and tear up?
* When the computer you purchased (not the Macs) blows up 4 days out of the box and the foreigner on the other end of the chat tells you it will be 4 weeks before you see a replacement?
* When your husband realizes that he's upset you and he shows up with flowers AND jewelry to make it better?
* When you realize that your marriage, though not perfect, is steadier than you ever thought it was?
* When the day ends in such perfection it takes your breath away?
* When your friends realize how much you really do care and they express it in ways you couldn't ever repay?

What do you say when you have regained your speech after a bout with wordlessness? I guess it depends on the situation. Sometimes, it is just better to stay silent!

15 years and counting (Although a bit late...)

2010-06-05T11:14:00.000-06:00

Yes, my man and I have been married a tenuous 15 years the 6th of May.... He was a super star with how he bailed himself out of the dog house (I had a very untimely fit the morning of our celebration):

I have said it before... He is simply the best gift giver ever!!! And for Mother's Day...

He knows me so very very well.... Traditional Cameo gift just melted my heart!

And so today, a month later, I reflect on all the myriad resons I choose to love my man, despite his failings and my own. Because, unlike the ethereal nature of today's love affair with "feelings", I choose to believe that love is a choice. It is a choice you make each and every morning when you awaken to love the man sleeping with his mouth open and snoring profusely. I choose not to hit him over the head in the same sleeping state for making me mad in a dream... I choose to love him. And I am grateful he chooses to love me back and not trade me in for the newer, thinner, more compliant model...

So! On with the list:

:-: I choose to love him because he still whistles at me when I walk into a room, dressed for some event or other

:-: I choose to love him because I would hate to have to wear makeup all the time for fear of being au naturale when a hot dude walked by...

:-: I choose to love him because he is teaching my kids to work and be responsible and overcome their fears

:-: I choose to love him because he takes my spoiled behaviour and he listens to the message that really is going on...

:-: I choose to love him because to explain his inadequacies he tells me quite blatently, "Honey, Men are stupid!"

:-: I choose to love him because he will say he is sorry and admit when he is wrong.

:-: I choose to love him because he is always my very best friend

:-: I choose to love him because he is my biggest champion and benefactor - Even when I don't deserve it!

:-: I choose to love him because he chooses me - Everytime!

:-: I choose to love him because it is the hardest and easiest thing I have ever done!

Enough gush and goo... Love is my choice even today when it is blazingly hot and Man wants me to traipse down to the horse show once again - Because he misses me! (Collective "awwwwww" cue .... now!)

Salt and Pepper shakers with little magnets to make them kiss... Adorable! (Blech!)

And finally it is warm around here!

2010-06-05T10:08:00.000-06:00

Yup! Spent the day in the southern part of the state yesterday and was very nicely toasted by the time I got home. I forget that on the divide we live on, the temps are easily 20 degrees cooler than 50 miles to the north or south. Amazing how much it changes and I am very glad for once to be on the cooler side of life!

Boon N Crockett - Supah Stah!!!!!

I was able to spend time with clients and friends and see The Man do his thing and win his competition! It was wonderful. The only thing that doused my enthusiasm was a migraine from the heat and a trip home at night with headlights staring me in the face... Eh! Small issues considering the great time I had...

Analog summer continues on and I am so far loving every minute of it! Definitely not regretting the switch to Mac either. Not terribly impressed with MacBook's teeny stature, but it sure is nice to have machines that just work!

Have almost completed project that has been looming over me. It's a writing thing, if you hadn't already guessed. Think I will do companion Blog with it... Not sure I am ready for maintaining two blogs, but we shall see. God will tell me what the right thing is to choose...

Have truly enjoyed checking in on my bloggy friends! Miss you Spud! Happy Blogiversary - Time sure does fly! Happy Birthday, McGilly #2 Girl! Your Mom Rocks! Congratulations Julocka, your new home looks serene and wonderful and the new materials will definitely set it apart! Hoping you all are enjoying analog time in this wonderful season.

By the Campfire

2010-05-29T10:30:00.001-06:00

I have been begging for years, since we moved to the ranch really, for a fire pit. I have asked to have one dug - that was a no-go... We have a very large and relatively flat back yard and what if the boys wanted to toss the football around? They can't be stepping in the hole all the time! I have asked to purchase a chiminea - The Man hates them... Can't stand them! (Have I told you he as an aversion to patio furniture too?) I have purloined 50 gal metal barrels to make a fire barrel out of... At last! It took 5 years, but I have my fire pit! OK, it is actually a barrel that Shane welded on (Almost blowing himself up in the process... But I digress!) and made me a fire barrel... I LOVE IT!

Man indulges me by roasting hot dogs and making s'mores with the kids...

Girl marvels at how many times you can "skin" a marshmallow and re-toast the remainder...

Boy relishes burning stuff up... Although, he is a bit cautious about fire to start with...

All in all, soot on our faces, warm marshmallow goo sticking our fingers together, and laughter shared all around, the fire barrel is a very good thing!

I sincerely hope you are enjoying your summer... I know I am!

Gone Analog... Back soon!

2010-05-29T10:00:00.002-06:00

Ah, yes... There are reasons I have been missing from the blogosphere! As some may know, I suffer from S.A.D. (aka, Seasonal Affective Disorder) and the winter in Colorado can sometimes drag on well into May... Thus the late April snow storm you saw here. Once the snow clears out, however, things get much better for my depression, and since I have resolved not to take meds, I HAVE TO GET OUTSIDE!

So, in light of that (no pun intended), I decided this would be the year that I actually quit talking about a flower garden and put one in! With some help from a trusted friend (and offers from many others), I trekked off to the Home Depot (a hardware store) and bought some start up stuff to get my feet wet, so to speak. As you can see from the above picture, I am still rather haphazzard with my tools and my empty flower buckets, but the effect is starting to take hold...

A Grant's mini-rose, almost ready to bloom...

These wonderful, bright and cheery orange jobbies with dark purple centers... (Apologize for awful cell phone pix...)

Sweet little Innocents...

And many more, that I will not bore you with, since camera is on fritz and cell phone has better pixels anyway.

I have been just as happy as I can be, getting out each morning to spend time on the front porch, watering and listening to the red winged black birds chirp and scold me for being too close to the feeders...

I hope you will forgive me for being so terrible about updating this wonderful little ante-room of my life. I was out living it and should be able to get my poop in a group to share more of that with you!

We gather here today...

2010-05-19T10:00:00.002-06:00

...to mourn the death of a beloved PC girl. But fear not, bretheren! She is reborn a Woman of the Mac!

Yeah, Dell is now personna non grata in the Brown household these days! After three frustrating weeks without an office computer, because a brand new Dell Inspiron in the most lovely shade of violet blew up 4 days out of the box, I became so tired of the run around I walked into the Apple store. I can hear your whoops of approval now! They had me at "hello." I was immediately ushered into the lovely brushed steel atmosphere of warmth and shiny screens. Here I will communicate with those who's first language is English, I will be treated with respect and intelligence, and I will walk out wih not one, but two Macs! (I think we all know when I go, I go all the way!)

When Husband is away...

2010-05-14T07:56:00.001-06:00

:-: I tend toward not fixing myself dinner. Snacking previals!

:-: I do wild unconventional things - like buy bird feeders and bird seed and humming bird feeders... OK - So not so unconventional, more crazy bird-lady... Still...

:-: I sleep with the tv or the radio on, or both, to block out bumps in the night

:-: I sneak off for lunch with the Number One assistant (don't worry! It's a girl - not an affair!)

:-: I sometimes leave the tv off all morning long!

:-: I get quit a bit done

:-: Pogo sleeps on the bed right next to my head, instead of at the foot, like he should

:-: Evening cocktails lose their appeal

:-: I miss the sound of spurs on the foyer floor

:-: Bad days seem worse

:-: I sniff the flowers he brought for our anniversary over and over and fret when they start to lose their petals

:-: I dance with my music blasting in my ears and sing loudly without fear of being caught!

:-: The cats disappear - He is their favorite, you know...

:-: I count down the hours to his return.

:-: I realize how much I miss my very best friend....

Who wudda thunk it?

2010-05-05T10:41:00.000-06:00

:-: That one short week would produce beautiful green grass from nasty white stuff...

:-: That if you tell an overacheiver his calendar is largely open, he will fill it full of crap to go do... RIGHT NOW!

:-: That after such a ~~terrible~~ challenging last year, this year seems so hopeful and upbeat...

:-: That the love affair with our new "Hope and Change" dude would end so quickly (snicker)...

:-: That our anniversary (15 years) and Mother's Day would fall in the same 7 day stretch, possibly a recipe for disaster...

:-: That someone at Girl's middle school actually gives a hoot about why she has been out 12 times this year... (Was actually asked if she was having any trouble with fitting in, etc. - Floored me!)

:-: That a trip to "get away from it all" would end with a renewed appreciation for what one has at home...

I enjoyed every minute of it...

2010-05-03T14:39:00.000-06:00

There is nothing so wonderful as a few stolen moments with a friend you enjoy to share it with. No requirements to be anything to anyone other than yourself...

It was glorious! I ate little, drank alot and got to have one day of absolute bliss in the spa and by the pool. Thank you, thank you, thank you - and you know who you are!

No words... I'm out of words for this...

2010-04-24T17:44:00.000-06:00

Miss Kitty is not impressed

This drift is waist high...

The hired man's house

the Edge... Stuck again - This time high centered...

The snowfield

So... What do you do when...

2010-04-23T12:58:00.000-06:00

You get both the crossover Edge and the 4wdtruck stuck?

Yeah... Not too bright, I am!

Ready to kill the Mr. who is 200 miles away telling me it isn't that bad... REALLY?

Snow up to my chest in places, just knees in others.

Unable to get to the neighbors to feed their animals since they are on vacation.

Sure the hired man is thinking I'm an idiot and should have stayed home!

This is the same car I showed you in the previous post!No more front tire!

Dogs not thinking that this is very much fun! One prissy Sheltie mix and a stubby legged Corgi... Hilarity watching them try to navigate going potty!

Lungs still burning from running in knee deep snow. Better go find my inhaler...

Yeah, um... Just look - And be very glad you are not here!

2010-04-23T09:26:00.001-06:00

OH what a difference 14 hours makes! The first two pics are the contrast I thought was striking looking out one window to another in the car. That is definitely Colorado for ya! Out one window you would think life was good, spring had sprung and all was well...

Out the other window, darkness and very threatening clouds loom on the horizon.

Picture 3 - well that is what I woke up to this morning at 5:30 am!!!!! And guess what? The school district didn't think life was too snowy to call school, despite the fact that a rather frazzled bus driver called me to let me know she was stuck! STUCK! A bus that easily outweighs my car by four times!!!!! Are you kidding me? Needless to say, the Brown Household has shut down and we are now snugly tapping on our computers.

Be glad that your spring hopefully consists of flowers instead of flakes!

Springtime in the Rockies means...

2010-04-17T09:30:00.000-06:00

Never knowing what to wear even if the sun is shining...
It can be 70 degrees at noon and 30 degrees at 5!
Cute clothes must be covered up by sweatshirts and parkas
Feet of snow instead of inches of rain
My SADD is almost over for another year!
mud... lots of mud...
The shortest growing season known to man... (ok - not really, but it feels like it!)
Pogo gets a bath once a week
A renewed spirit of can-do-ness
watching the horses play outside for the first time - Que Bella!
Finding little blooms on the fushia that lives inside (because it is too stinking cold outside!)
Boy's lizard is awake and HUNGRY!
Little tufts of green amidst the dry and withered browns.
I am slowly awakening and excited to be creative again!

What does Springtime mean for you in your neck of the woods? Share and leave me a comment - I'd love to read about it!

Wonderings, randomness and keeping it all at bay...

2010-03-30T09:37:00.000-06:00

I have some very loyal followers, even ones that aren't in the follow list, and they are telling me exactly how long it has been since my last post. I know I said after I got all the computers cleaned off I would post and get back to it in a more routine fashion... Ahem. I really thought that would be the case. After spending the two days on computer work and anti virus protection and all that, I discovered that I may have another virus on my laptop! Very stinking frustrating! And before all you Mac users shake your head at me, I hear you but I cannot change 5 machines into Macs in this economy!

I don't have a ton of time so I figured a list would do me wonders!

:-: New Project is going swimmingly and I feel as though I will be able to launch in another month or so. Don't hold me to that - It's a God thing and I have to work on His timeline, not mine!

:-: Why is it that when you think things will ease up on you it just seems to make room for more pressure in another form?

:-: When taking ones vitamins is one required to burp up fish oil the remainder of the day when all one wants is to not creak when one walks?

:-: I think my Wii is trying to kill me...

:-: I still love my dog, my phone and my car and not necessarily in that order!

:-: Wish I could leave my face alone without having on acrylic nails... I am as bad as a teenager with my fidgety self!

:-: When I look around I am rejuvenated at the thought of Spring. I may even be motivated enough to get my gardens in! (With a little help from my friends!)

:-: Sooooo excited about my new web program! Resisting the urge to lose myself in redesigning the site all over again... Although that constitutes work, right? I mean I'm not doing nothing, I'm developing our business, right? (See what I'm up against?)

I hope your days come and go with the ease and wonderment of small children! (eewww, where did that come from?)

See you soon!

A day wasted...

2010-03-17T17:53:00.000-06:00

I have spent the last two days (yes, a full two) repairing and cleaning up five (no exaggeration, 5!) computers of various spyware, malware and viruses.... Can I just say, blech!

I am enjoying the fact that I have a much faster connection and I am not constantly dealing with crashes... This is good. What is not good? The fact that I still have more computer work to do and I have this eyeball vibration going on from staring at the screen too long... ARGH!

Alas... Hopefully once I am done I can wrap my head around an actual blog post. (But don't count on it!)

Blessings, babies and random thoughts...

2010-03-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning after dreaming all night about my niece, Lexi. I cannot tell you how much I wish I lived closer. Daddy has pneumonia and Mommy has to travel next week. Things are so hard when you have to leave little ones! I know my sister doesn't read my blog, but I miss you Sis! I would be there in a heartbeat to help out next week, if I lived just a little closer! In my dreams Lex was too big... She was using the potty and walking around. I know my dreams are a reflexion of my eldest hitting teen-dom in a few days, but it made me take stock of what I call important.

:-: My Girl is turning into a beautiful young woman - I will not lament that fact any longer! She is not a sullen teen (yet) and I will treasure this time that I will never get back. I can look at her and know that with God's help, I have done the best job I knew how.

:-: I will make plans to visit my niece at least twice a year! I can do that... ~~I think.~~ I will do that! I will not allow myself to be the Aunty we don't recognize. My kids love my sister, and I will love on that little baby all I possibly can!

:-: I will be thankful for the people that really get me. Those that don't just check in, but truly understand who I am and what makes me tick, cry and love them back!

:-: I will get my taxes done in time to send them to my overworked Accountant. I will use whatever monies to make our lives easier and less stressful.

:-: I will use my extra time to continue writing. I have actual chapters now... Scary! I will trust God with those results, because I know He can do it better!

:-: I will look forward to more snow because 1) I know it is coming and 2) it means not paying $5K for loads of hay to be delivered!

:-: I will not allow the stresses of the day to reduce me to tears for the rest of the month (hey, it's a start!). I will pray when I feel like crying and trust when I feel like running away!

:-: I will decide to concentrate on my girls trip that is 46 days away... Woohooo!

I'm not ready

2010-03-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

Girl is turning 13 on Monday. I am not ready. I thought that I would be ready when the time came to usher my eldest child into her teens. I am not.

I am not ready to teach her to shave her legs and her armpits. I am not ready to be on the lookout for her monthly visitor. I am not ready for the first young man that I have to murder and hide the body because he broke my little munchkin's heart. I am not ready.

I still want to be a teenager myself, listening to all the cool music and running from the kitchen during dinner prep when I hear that Top Model is back on... I am not ready to be that mom yet. The mom who has to say no to things and fret about the choices she makes. Good thing she is such an amazing kid... Doesn't get caught up in the wirlwind of popular or trendy or going steady. Firmly states she isn't interested. Thank you Lord!

Do you think she might be a doll and wait? Wait until I feel ready? No? Me neither. Guess I have to just get ready...

The rigors of ranch life wherein she laments the timeliness of electrical failures

2010-03-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

Ah yes! The romantic picture of living ones life, secluded and isolated on a ranch in Eastern Colorado. The mountains are majestic, the breeze is chilled and one can truly appreciate how your ancestors lived on this range ranching and farming since the early 1800's...

Until one wakes in 2010 to stumble from the bathroom and into the kitchen where one wishes only to make one a cup of coffee since one is no where near a Starbucks. One is a bit bleary eyed due to one's reluctance to break up giggling girls at 11:30 last night and so one does not fully comprehend the magnitude or the simple fact that there is no water coming out of the dratted tap! One turns on light fixture after light fixture determining over the blare of video games on the large flat screen tv that there is power, just no water.

Stumbling to the laundry room where the magic fuse box is located, one realizes that there is no fuse for the well pump located there. One curses under one's breath as one realizes that one must determine the course of action both a) alone without one's husband to make such boy-determined decisions 2) before one has had one's coffee that is so vital to making sense at 7 am and Thirdly - It's freakin Sunday and this is going to cost a FORTUNE!.

After a few text messages, two phone calls and some mushing kids outside to test hydrants it is determined that I will be without running water (hello 1800!) for at least 24 hours. Father in law has come to inspect and verify that I need to call out the pump guys so there is nothing more to do than sit tight and wait for tomorrow's less expensive sun to shine upon us.

I have a few blessings to count: 1 - I have power to run the coffee maker on bottled water. 2 - I have bottled water. 3 - the barn is on a seperate well and a seperate pump (replaced 3 years ago) so I have limitless water to haul for toilet flushing and bottle refilling and I don't have to find water to haul to horses (WHEW!) 4 - I have propane to heat the house that has power and I can cook if I can use bottled water or send kids to the barn for pitchers of water.

I also have some words of wisdom... Don't live on a horse ranch, no matter how romantic you think it is, it is not! Don't marry a horse trainer - They are very handy individuals, but the travel requirements dictate that their handiness will be soundly out of reach when you need it most. And last but not least - Never take one seriously who hasn't had her coffee quota for the morning!

The views expressed in this blog post are soundly disclaimed to be relevant to anything other than the fact that I haven't had my coffee yet!

Finding relevance...

2010-02-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

huh... yeah... I am still reeling from the latest email to hit the lovely Droid phone. (Phone actually toots its own horn by bellowing "DDDRRROOOIIID!" when I get an email. So cool!) Besides the worst picture of a redneck tatoo ever (thanks Tina-Tina! My eyes are still on fire!), I received an email from a gentleman that I met with yesterday. I fumbled through the meeting stammering and stuttering and trying desperately to remember to look into his face, despite feeling like my hair may actually be on fire. I was talking to him about a project that I needed some direction on. I knew I was supposed to talk to him, but I like to keep my projects rather guarded... I don't like putting out my pearls, despite the fact that sometimes they are supposed to be out there - Thus, the Compliance post earlier... I realize that right now, I am making very little sense. It is because I am not sure what form this project is supposed to take. I don't know if it means another blog, a self published project, or what... So don't hate me because I'm being vague. (That means you, McG!)

The email has me reeling because the man I met with didn't tell me I was an amateur hack. (He is a publisher with a large organization here in Colorado.) He didn't do a bunch of "editing" by using a large red sharpie marker and writing "Start over!" at the top, like I expected. He had suggestions. Ones I am taking into sincere consideration. But he didn't leave me in a steaming, torn up heap on the floor. He actually told me things I never thought I would read about me. They are things I am embarrassed and reticent to share, lest I be held to a higher standard than I am ready for. Let's just say he didn't think I stink! (Ha ha ha! He might if he reads that sentence!)

I will share more as I come to understand what it is I am to do with the products of this new project. In this land of economic down turn, I am looking at probably starting a companion blog, maybe doing some self-funded publishing (since my name isn't King, Patterson, Rivers or Lucado I likely won't find a traditional publishing company to take a chance on me).

And now, back to our orignal programming... Laundry on a Sunday! yay...

When your kids grow up faster than you do

2010-02-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

:: When did my kids learn how to be such good friends? They know what to look for in a friend, they can recognize selfish friends, and they are very understanding of those who have "issues". Where did they learn that? It certainly wasn't from me!

:: How did my kids decide that they don't ~~have~~ want to follow the crowd? I was the kid who always wanted button fly Levis because everyone else had them... I don't have kids like that. Mine could care less if they go to school in high-waters or hand me down tennis shoes. They have so much more heart than I did at their age.

:: When did the kids I gave birth to become such caring little people? They are concious of another's feelings more often than they do what they want. They fret over hurting a friend's feelings when they are faced with choices for birthdays, outings and small gifts. They just seem to get it so much faster!

:: Why can my children greet and send off their Dad with so much more understanding than I do? I am the one with the sour attitude, while they wave and kiss and hug and welcome with big hugs. I should be the one to understand and be explaining why Dad works so much and is gone alot... They are so very, very cool that way.

:: My children are so wonderful and attentive, they are both my caretakers and my example. They love me and I love them. I am so very proud that they are turning out to be such wonderful kiddos - And obviously I pray that that will move into their adulthood as well!

When asked...

2010-02-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

Compliant. Not a word I would ever try to use to describe myself! No where near it! I grouse, I complain, I try to find any other way than that which I have been asked to do. Sometimes, obedience takes me years... Yes, I said it and it isn't an exaggeration. It can take me years to obey.

If I have been absent from this bloggy place, it is because my grudging obedience has me elsewhere. I am desperately trying to be compliant. Mostly because I know what the consequences of being disobedient are, not because I am suddenly transformed into something or someone else. I still have my Grudgy Greta attitude firmly in tact!

I miss blogging here because I can be that person I am so rarely afforded to be in my "regular" life. (That statement makes me grin a little, because my life is hardly ordinary! I mean, who of you out there can say that you make a living riding horses and traveling to horseshows? Not many. Although that part of the job is my husbands and mine is much more mundane... Still, to actually make money at what is largely play is pretty cool!) The person I have to be in our business life is not exactly who I am here, in the blogosphere. I like it that way, and truth be told, it is necessary. Not everyone would understand my sense of humor, though I think I am hilarious! Shane remaining "un-mortified" is a primary goal of keeping my sometimes raw sense of humor in check. Here, however, I can express myself and no one has to be the wiser!

So I guess my question to all of you is this: How do you react when you are asked to comply? Do you jump right in or do you hesitate? Do you take more time than needed to assess the situation because you feel inept or do you just trust that if asked, you must be equipped to complete the task? Retorical questions, all (man! I miss Blogger's spell check!). I have been contemplating these questions and the "why's" behind them, so I thought I would throw them out there to all of you to contemplate as well. After all, misery loves company!

Ah yea... Vegas SO rocks!

2010-02-18T08:20:00.002-07:00

OK! I am so very, very glad to be home, but still... I had a blast with Husband!!! And guess what? I didn't suck at poker this time! (Not until the last day, anyway!) All told, he ended up third in a poker tournament and I won $167 on a silly old slot machine - Go figure!!!

We had a wonderful room, with a view to die for! (Isn't this a lovely property?) Shane found the hotel and did all the research, even checking out the spa amenities to make sure I would be well cared for... He did not disappoint! It was lovely, the spa was very nice (I find most spas rather creepy, but that is just me...), and if I had brought a swim suit (not likely!), I would have loved to have sat in the sun by the pool.

The view from our room... That is a vineyard in the foreground... Sandy-bottomed pool in the back...

Shane has a birthday on the 13th of February... So if we stay home, he kind of gets gyped out of a day that is truly his own. I love that we have time together and I can be attentive to him and cater to what he wants to do. What he wanted to do this year was play cards until his eyes bugged out! And that was exactly what we did. I had plans that fell through, but that is of little consequence. We had friends who sent him strawberries (the size of my palm, mind you!), champaign and vanilla custard... YUMMY!!!!

All in all, it was Fab-boo! And to top it off, the hotel was largely purple!

(So the carpet was a bit strange... Eh!)

What a lovely time!

Counting down...

2010-02-11T17:31:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again... We are under the push to get out the door! We are headed to Vegas for a long weekend together, Husband and I... I am at once excited, frazzled, amazed, and energized. It will be a wonderful time to have him all to myself. No one calling on the phone, dividing his attentions. I will have a wonderful surprise for him on his birthday and reservations are made at a very nice restaurant for Valentines Day. It will be wonderful...

Right now? Um... Well, right now I am making myself crazy by trying to get all the laundry done! Bleh! And kids need packed, and I need to find the suitcases that fit on the plane, because checking bags is ridiculous, and I should figure out what to do for the dogs... I have a few loose ends to tie up for monies while we are gone... The house isn't as clean as I would like it, but isn't that just a normal state of being with two pre-teens? All in all we are counting down...

I will realize tomorrow am as I am buckled in the car that it all is behind me and I can relax into being just a wife for four days. Until then, it is all ahead of me and I am really certain that I may have to have my gall bladder out when I get back... The symptoms are all there! And it would be fabulous to feel better!

It is snowing again....

2010-02-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

I love the calm quiet way the snow is falling this morning... It makes clarity a little less of an illusion and more of a seeming reality. I stop and look and watch as single flakes float slowly down to the ground, gathering together as if arriving at a party...

I love snow. Always have. I have, in my adultness, not relished driving in it, or working in it, or having to worry about my children being driven in it... But I love snow. I love the quiet it brings with it. A hush is always just around a snowy corner, and I love that! I love crunching through fresh flakes to simply stand, head tilted back, mouth open and tasting the freshness of it. It makes me feel very young again, fresh and undisturbed.

I often wonder what it would be like to live somewhere that snow is not a part of the scenery or seasons. My sister does. She lives in Louisianna and is absolutely in love with the climate there. I enjoy the difference in what constitues "cold", but I truly love snow. I would miss it, I have concluded.

***

As an aside, Yay! So glad the Saints got their time in the spotlight! What a great game! Usually things are such a blowout! I really enjoyed it... And knowing my Brother-in-Law was going crazy in New Orleans was just a blessing and a half! To topit all off, I got a picture of the newest Saint's cheerleader!

Looking forward to....

2010-02-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

* Time alone with my husband to be just us.

* Dinners that don't involve chicken strips or take home boxes

* Meeting new neighbors over dinner and drinks

* Simplifying my schedule, my life and my friendships

* Super Bowl Sunday, knowing my sister and brother in law are cheering like crazy for the Saints!

* Food... All the glorious food!

* Feeling more physically sound

* Mom-time

* Fresh sheets

* Paying the first tax installment... On time!

* New horses in the barn

* Catching up with new trainers-wife-friend

* Watching husband truly enjoy himself on his birthday

Just some quick thoughts because I know last time I sounded rather disjointed! No worries! I will be back in the swing after the relaunch of Shane's website next week and I get more of THE PROJECT done. *sigh* Feeling better already!

Random...

2010-02-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

Why does God think it fun or maybe funny to pair two individuals who think nothing alike? Seriously... I'd like an answer to that one!
You know those "What I really meant to say" posts like this one here? I have a few of those... Thinking them is about as close as I'll get, I'm afraid...
The next time life hands me lemons, I'm not making friggin lemonade! I'm using the little bastards as grenades!
Do you need a get-away car to have a get-away?
How long is the mandatory jail time on robbing a bank? Does that constitute "taking a break"?
What actually preceeds checking oneself into a mental institution? If it's talking to yourself or random freak-outs, I shoulda been gone a long time ago!
I love learning a new program that makes me look smart...
Getting the mail at our house is a cross between Christmas and a call from the IRS... (Think about that one!)
I looked up and my daughter is an amazing adult-like person. Not sure I like that!
I wish I could find an oil that would be like bottled excitement... And one for eliminating procrastination... And one to keep from killing those that irritate me...

Have a good day folks! I have to head off to the grocery store.... Pray for me!

What if it all goes right?

2010-01-28T18:56:00.001-07:00

It's a song, you know... "What if it all goes right? What if it all works out...." (if you'd like to read the lyrics to the song, click here.) It's a song about changing our attitudes. Instead of approaching something that seems scary, frightening, or unsettling with an attitude of "What could go wrong?" This song encourages the listener to think in very different terms. Think about what could happen if it actually works out the way it is supposed to - or better! What if it turns out better!

It's a song I sing loudly and very much out of tune as I drive in the car. (I also car dance and bang on the steering wheel as well... It is who I am people! Get used to it!)

I am faced with a project that I am supposed to do. I don't feel capable. I don't feel worthy. I feel freaked out and insecure and very much out of my element! But today, I listened to my phone in the car (yes, it holds all of my music and I am still very much in love with it!) and that particular song came across the speakers. It reminded me that I am not the one that I need to worry about in this task. I need to simply do as I have been asked and the rest will take care of itself.

And besides, what if it all goes right?

What if, in doing this task, I am actually blessed beyond measure? What if it is the actual thing I have been searching for all my life? What if... well, what if it all goes right? Wouldn't that just be so very, very cool?

Simple Things - A day late!

2010-01-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

Hello, sweet Christina! I am a day late this time, but I did have things I wanted to remember, if even just for me....

my life is simpler because I don't do Facebook... Ahhhhhh.
wandering around my early morning home in the dark, and not tripping over things
a cleaned up laundry room
having a deposit to take to the bank, even if it just keeps the wolves at bay
my daughter's smile as she leaves the car for the school bus
enough money in the bank account to "pick up a few things"
playing ZooTycoon because I got the billing done and it's my treat
new pictures of my neice - Absolute Bliss!
the warmth of my dog on my lap
propane in the tank and hot water in my bath
comfort food like meatloaf - ok turkey-loaf, but still!
knowing in my soul that it will get better
new friends
being understood
my husband's smile
watching my son giggle while I "dance" in the car
knowing I will be loved all my life

Thanks Christina... Sorry for being tardy! Yesterday was anything but simple! :-)

Hot, hot, hot!

2010-01-20T18:08:00.000-07:00

Um, yeah... I am married to a hottie! Wanna See?

All due credit to the Quarter Horse News and Bert Entwhistle for their stunning photo. (Even if the information on the tag is incorrect for Sheryl - She's from Grand Junction, not Elbert.)

If you look closely you can see that my sweet man is hauling *ss! All four hooves are up off the ground and those boot toes turned out means he's applying lots of leg pressure, a.k.a. putting the pedal to the metal!

I told you he ROCKS!

Those Ah-Ha Moments...

2010-01-20T08:06:00.000-07:00

We are studying about Martha and Mary in our home-Bible Study group. Two very different personalities and two that most women would pick one or the other to say they are most like. Martha is the doer, the woman with alot to do and she just flat puts her head down and gets it done. Mary is the dreamer, the quiet soul who contemplates before she does anything, making sure her decisions are the right ones and never seems to get ruffled in much of any way.

The woman that wrote the study is very adept at getting right to the point and there have been points in the study that felt like just that - sharp, barbed points. There have been moments during this venture that I have winced at how clearly God points to my shortfalls and my bad attitudes. I think all of us have had those moments. It hasn't been so bad as to make us quit. We are a resilient bunch, and we truly do want to get better. Better at making our Martha-Get-It-Done attitudes mesh with our Mary-Quiet-Soul-Listen-to-God-Better hearts.

Today was an Ah-Ha moment for me... I believe there are times that you ask God for clarity, and He waits until you are truly ready to hear the answer. Waits for what seems like a looooong time. Long enough that you have gone on your way, sure He either didn't hear, or the question wasn't worthy of a response... And then one day, seemingly out of the blue, you get it. You get it in a way that can be nothing other than Divine Intervention. A voice through your usual fog of busyness that cannot be mistaken for all the other voices you hear on a regular basis. Clarity on where you are falling down. Like a light shone on a crack in the sidewalk you walk every day and only now you see why you trip there... The crevasse is one that you are shocked you haven't seen before, but that is how He works. He shows us only when we are ready to fix it. I am standing there now, looking at that gaping maw and shaking my head. So seemingly simple.

I have been looking to God for justice. I have not looked to him for comfort.

In Martha's transformation from a woman who is doing too much, too fast and expecting everyone around her to do the same level of work, she is rebuked by Jesus. She looks at her sister sitting at the feet of the Saviour and feels as if she is doing all the work herself. She sees a houseful of guests and lots to be done and she realizes she is the only one DOING. Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus in the living room, doing NOTHING! She reaches out the Messiah for justice... He lovingly slaps her hand. He tells her to sit down, stop worrying and stop trying to make her sister something she is not... Later we see Martha again. She is not the same woman. Again, Jesus is coming over... There is much to be done. She has a houseful of guests once more... She is grieving over the loss of her brother, Lazarus. She could be bitter - "Oh, here HE comes again... More work and less help, once more..." But that is not her response. Instead of Mary, Martha is the first one out the door to meet Him, leaving her guests to fend for themselves for a moment. And this time, she seeks the comfort she knows He will give her... (Insert Ah-Ha moment here.) She isn't seeking justice, she isn't there to yell because He is late - She simply wants her Friend to comfort her.

I have missed that lesson... Until now.

A companion to fill the void

2010-01-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who were with me when I lost my Jewel, it was a very tough time around here. There are still nights that Boy has very sad feelings over her loss. There are actually still times that I look for Jewel. I see border collies around the ranch and do double takes. She was really an incredible ~~dog~~ friend.

It has been almost 3 months and we are healing rather nicely. Especially since Pogo has slipped into our routine like he was meant to be here. (And after finding out that his birthday is the same day as mine, he was absolutely meant to be here!)

Pogo loves ranch life and is seldom out of sight for long. He loves his housemate, Kitty the wonder dog (a Pembroke Welsh Corgi), and is certain that given enough time she will devote herself to him as he has to her... Kitty, not so much! She thinks Pogo is just too much of a girlie-man for her... Snotty, but true.

Pogo, when in the house, and not galavanting around the ranch like the rest of the pack, spends alot of time looking more like a cat. He rests on the back of the couch or nested nicely in the comforter on my bed. He is spoiled that way and makes me smile from my heart when I see him!

He is a Mr. Barkerson... Barks at just about every loud noise. We are a loud family and this can get a bit much. Does it change the fact that we are all just over-the-top-in-love with him (well, Husband may disagree with that statement...)? Not really. He does tricks for his treats and is generally well behaved. He simply "talks"... ALOT. You can see it in his face... "HEY! Someone is here! Did you hear that? I want to go see, let's go see together! Why aren't you moving? Don't you hear that? They are here! Let's see who the "they" are!" He wants us to go check it out... He is completely baffled when we don't.

And personality? OMGoodness! This dog is loaded with it! He harumphs when he doesn't get his way, he sniffs-sneezes when he wants something, and he runs around like a crazy man when he is excited. He can "go get (his) bunny" on command and chews it around until he finds the squeeky part to squeek, squeek, squeek. This is the toy he picked out of the bin at the store all by himself. He LOVES his bunny! And even though he has torn the top of Bun open, he is very careful not to destroy the squeeker. He will play ball and loudly bark out his delight as he careens down the hallway to fetch it back to you. Bun, however, is not for fetch, Bun is for keep-away! That is another fun and delightful game....

I have gone on long enough about another zoo member... I hope I haven't bored you to death. But I thought you all might like to know that though Jewel's passing was hard on us, it was eased by Pogo's coming in. We are in respite from tragedy and hope to live out our days with ~~dogs~~ friends like these.

Letters from my day...

2010-01-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

To the Lunch Counter Worker at the Ford Dealership:
Everyone is having a bad economic year. Yes, everyone. Especially those persons who have ventured out to have their own business. Trust me, I know... I have three. No one is interested in how you are going to start charging for random cuttlery, ketsup packets, napkins etc. if someone forgets to get them from the local eatery they choose instead of your dreary counter. No one cares that it pisses you off. No one. I am also not intimidated by you, since I did not need any of your paltry supplies to eat my lunch. And since I cannot eat anything you provide, kindly stuff your dirty looks at my Taco Bell bag in your ear! Maybe if you changed your attitude and quitcherbitchin, your counter would be fuller and so would your pockets!

To the Ford Service Customer Rep:
Yes, I have boobs. Yes, I am a fairly attractive woman. No, this does not mean that I am an idiot. I do not appreciate the lies you tell me to try to talk me into cleaning my battery terminals for $35! It was a rip off charge last month when you tried to get me to do it and it is still a rip off now. My husband cleaned off the "extremely" corroded terminals in all of 5 minutes with very little effort. The next time you lie to me about how bad things are, make sure I cannot check up on you and that you don't involve my husband. It flat pisses him off.

To the Person Who Insisted on Driving below the speed limit on the Freeway:
I am the last person to tell you to speed. I cannot speed myself, as I get caught on a regular basis when I do. But if you do not want to at least drive the speed limit, kindly move your tortoise-impersonating-arse out of the way so the rest of us can at least motor along and get where we need to in some semblance of timeliness. It makes those nut-jobs who tend towards road rage endanger those of us who simply want to travel safely up and down the by-ways of our state. Move it!

To Husband:
I am so appreciative of all you do in a day. I am happy to kiss you good night and wish you luck as you traipse off to play free poker in order to recharge your batteries. Simply know that I will call in the same favor in the not-too-distant future and I will expect the same shining attitude from you. :P

An attitude of gratitude...

2010-01-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that Blogger seems to be all farged up today, monkeying with my beautiful picture and not allowing me to type in the left alignment, I am going to choose to ignore that. I am going to choose to be grateful that I can blog. I am going to be grateful that despite the fact that this really bites, I still have a beautiful thank you card to send out to those who were so wonderful as to gift us something this year at Christmas. I choose that. I choose that instead of ranting and being disappointed that Blogger seems to suck more and more and I am seriously considering checking out that WordPress thingy...

Ahem. On to my regular post...

Gratitude. It seems alusive these days. In this time where there are many who feel the world owes them a living, that I owe them courtesy despite their rudeness, that life owes them fairness... In this time, gratitude seems to be slipping farther and farther away from us. I want to make some changes in my life that at least make a feable attempt at stemming that tide. I want to be grateful. I want to look at my life and remember that I am owed nothing. No one has to be nice to me. Life is not fair. But I can choose the be grateful in the midst of it. I can choose to be joyful. Not gleeful - don't think anyone would buy that from me! But at peace with my circumstances and accepting of my daily station. That I can choose to do.

I have begun the daunting task of preparing meals to be eaten at the kitchen table once more. We did this for the first years of our kids' lives to teach them table manners and to give them time with Daddy. We need it again as we start into the teen years. My children are very good kids. They are not surly or separatist, like I was at their ages. Give them time, I am sure some changes will take place. Right now, however, they are good and kind and people I want to spend time with. More than scarfing down dinner in front of the television. More than glancing hugs and 5 minutes at bed time, during prayer. I want to know my kids and know where their hearts are during this tumultuous time. And I am grateful for the opportunity. I can throw together meals and set the table for that.

Gratitude. What are you grateful for today? Write it down. Look at it. Will it be something you can share? Is it important? Will it fade in the next 5 minutes? Can, and more importantly, will you hold onto that gratitude and make it last? I'll try if you will... :-)

My Husband is the Bomb!

2010-01-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

In the land of men, my husband rocks! Just got home from the Dodge Invitational Freestyle Reining (that's where they ride horses to music and they slide and spin) where Man of Mine took the grand prize!!!!! SaWeet! He so rocks!

The horse he rode is incredible, the owner is a doll and a wonderful client and I am just so incredibly blessed! He rode to the song, "In Color," by Jamey Johnson and rode Houston Shine. He has been blessed to be able to ride this particular horse all year and do very well on him. As a bonus, the owner (Hi Sheryl!) also rode to great accomplishment this year and last year. This horse is such an incredible individual! What a good night!

And my Man comes home tonight! Wahoooooo! I will no longer be a show-widow! Yessss!

Have a wonderful night... Just thought I would brag a little. Ok! ALOT!

Taking one for the team...

2010-01-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

Yup. I did it. Took Boy to see Avatar. I don't know what I watched more, the movie or my son's face in utter awe! I loved that he loved it. He was a bit teary after. Not because of the plot... Even he knew that was weak. But because it was so hyped and he was so, well - spent, afterwards. He wanted more. Like those of us that finish a great book and want more... He wanted to go back and do more.... I can so relate, little man! I took him because I knew that the others in the fam would not be as appreciative of the time it would take to watch this one. 2 hours and 40 minutes is epic in any man's eyes. It's a darned good thing that the graphics are astounding and the eye candy abounds! It is a simple movie, light on plot and very predictable. I went knowing this. I also went hoping to be amazed at the sights and I was not disappointed. It was mildly entertaining and I even got over my vow to never have to watch Sigourney Weaver stomp across another contrived role on the big screen. It was for Boy, after all. I was again rewarded with a big hug this morning and another thank you! All worth it! I'm a star!